


Another Try

by Basicallytrashhhh



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Action, Angst, Did I mention angst, Eventual Smut, Everyone Needs A Hug, F/M, Gangs, Mafia AU, Mystery, Nearly every character gets mentioned at least once, So much angst, i promise its worth the read, lots of forboding, please just read it, probably some swearing, there are some other ships in this also, who knows - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-10
Updated: 2020-08-14
Packaged: 2021-03-02 23:33:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 59,237
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24115084
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Basicallytrashhhh/pseuds/Basicallytrashhhh
Summary: -Forgotten, were the issues of the past, the concerns of her memory, the worries of safety, for at this moment, the only things that mattered were each other. The world becomes nothing but lax to their emotions, and it would have been beautiful if it could have lasted. Perhaps the summer would have been warmer, perhaps the trees would be a little greener, and in turn, the city would be a little quieter a little cleaner. But no good things were ever meant to last, and as the cogs turned to the two’s happiness, there would be one that spun faster for their sadness, a tragedy that would stop the machine they powered--When someone you love becomes a memory, that memory becomes a treasure.And some people do not know how to let go of that treasure.-
Relationships: Kuroo Tetsurou/Original Female Character(s), Sawamura Daichi/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 10





	1. Prologue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “To construct is the essence of vision. Dispense with  
> construction and you dispense with vision. Everything you experience by sight is your construction.”   
> ― Donald D. Hoffman

Pain is a peculiar phenomenon.

In a child’s adolescence, they naturally learn about pain through their stumbles and falls. They discover the tears that fall from their eyes and associate it with the stinging sensation on their injury. As they grow, this pain stretches to emotions also; past the constraints of the cuts and bruises and towards heartbreak and loss.

And yet, it is easy to think that all pain comes from one cause, but humans have many non-specific vulnerabilities to pain. And while the child who cut their knee may rely on the feeling of pain to understand what is going on, there is pain that is so complex, so vastly different, that there can be no understanding.

Pain is not just a message from injured tissue to be accepted at face value, it's far more complex an experience, and it is thoroughly tuned by the brain. The results are often strange, sometimes counter-intuitive. Yet, the science is clear, every painful sensation is _Brain Made_. There is no pain without the brain.

So why can she not think away her pain? Just how much power does her mind have over pain?

Sometimes the pain is the problem.

 _Pain is an opinion._ Pain is an opinion of the state of health, rather than mere reflections of a response to injury. There is no direct passage from pain receptors to ‘pain centres’ in the brain. The mere visual appearance of an opening fist can actually feed all the way back into one’s motor and touch pathways, allowing them to feel a fist opening- thereby killing an illusory pain in a non-existent hand. The phantom limb pain, the mere thought of being better can create the illusion that one person is completely better.

Injury and pain are not in lockstep with each other, and yet that is what had been assumed for the most of history. Pain is a matter of the brain, there can be severe pain without any means of injury.

A nerve should never be called a pain nerve, for it never detects pain. It merely detects some kind of stimulus in the tissue. It is up to the _brain_ to decide what to make of it, how to feel about it, and what to do about it.

And her brain was struggling.

Everything was so painful.

Pain is less painful when one is confident that they are safe, this is a principle that has been demonstrated throughout history- with soldiers in world war two being shown to experience a surprisingly little amount of pain considering their injuries. The brain is not just a passive, gullible receiver of whatever messages the peripheral nerves send to it. it would be strange if this were the case, for this is the _brain_ we are considering here: a seat of consciousness, the generator of one’s reality.

Her brain seemed to have taken a step back, unable to process the messages being sent to it. Her nerves were tingling with the sensation of suffering. And despite the messages being screamed at her mind, there was still no motivation to move away from it. Her body burned, ached; throbbed, and still, her brain sent no message to move, and so she was stuck in the darkness of her mind.

What is surprising, is how malleable pain signals are, just how readily the intensity of the signals is changed by the sensations, feelings, and thoughts that coincide with the pain. Despite the fact that she should have been withering around in pain, the suffering of death, rather she was suffering from the light piercing through the blackness.

It was with the utmost effort that she was even able to open her eyes. Her eyelids were weighted down with this pain, which her brain finally comprehended, as the harsh light finally came into sight. Brought to tears, she allowed herself to look at the blurred ceiling above her, letting the starkness burn her eyes.

If the girl were to know the colour to be white, she may not have looked so intensely at the ceiling, but her lack of understanding over what she was looking at allowed fascination to overcome her as she stared up. There was the greatest curiosity over the smoothness of the surface above, so much that when her brain finally screamed that her eyes were in pain, she was able to ignore it for a few moments. Eventually, her eyes slammed shut, the hope of ceasing the burning overcoming the novelty.

Moment by moment, her brain seemed to finally receive the messages her body were crying, and she started to feel the aches of her body. There was still no placing of the cause of her suffering; she hurt all over.

Everything was so painful.

With the lack of sight, she attempted to listen for a hint of her surroundings. While the room was quiet, it was not silent, a simple humming and repetitive beeping played prevalent for her ears. When the beeping paused in its cycle, the faintest of conversations could be heard.

“I tried my best; it is certainly not the easiest of procedures.”

Her concentration quickly gave out to the aching pain that was raised to her head. It grew like a stone hold against her, encasing her in its grip, leaving her to fight her own body against every movement she made. She was swift to decide against trying to move, given the burning sensation she endured with every slight movement. It did lessen the pain, but it was short-lived, for the sudden feeling of the coldness of the surface she lay on soon sent shooting pain throughout her back.

There are many tales of severe pain without any injury- illustrating that pain is entirely in the mind. A builder came to the hospital having jumped down on a nail- as he told the doctor that the slightest movement of the nail was painful he was sedated with fentanyl and midazolam. The nail was then pulled out from his boot, but when the boot was removed, it appeared that the foot was entirely uninjured.

She knew this to be true when the next voice spoke, for despite the absence of any injury, any physical hurt, her body screamed upon hearing the voice.

“I appreciate your efforts; I assume the agreement payment is still sufficient.”

Her pain was a nocebo. It is rare, and it is more commonly the _fear of pain_ from the brain, rather than the actual pain. The voice lit a thousand emotions throughout her, stimulating a response that was beyond comprehension. With her brain focusing on the malleable pain, there was the allowance of her fingers loosening from their restraints, and the light no longer seemed to pierce her eyes when she reopened them. it was as though her body finally allowed herself to be free.

“I told you, Kuroo, just your silence and your money will suffice. I would just prefer it that I never hear from you again about this, nor anyone else know. But it would be nice if you kept her away from him, I don’t think he can live through her death twice”

That voice was not it, that one was much colder. So cold that her body started to seize up again. She silently plead for the other to speak, for him to grant permission to free herself.

“Tsukishima Kei, who knew you could be so caring- Alright I’ll stop. Thank you, I think Swift would be proud of what you have done here.”

And there it was again, the nonchalant voice that her brain seemed to recognise. Her body started to react to every movement, and she could suddenly feel the strength to push herself up. Although she felt as though she was moving, she remained to lay down, stuck with the same white ceiling as her view. She wished to scream out, but even when her mouth opened to do so, there was no voice there, only a searing discomfort in her throat.

Everything was so painful.

“I would hardly call what I did caring, she may hate you for this, and you’ll deserve that. And don’t start talking about all your book crap, didn’t you study chemistry at university, not literature?” There was a brief pause, with what she could make out to be a sigh. “Just look after her this time you said you really care for her. Don’t make me regret this.”

There was a hum of regret in his response, one that resonated in the girl. When negative outcomes fall far below one’s standards of the ideal self, someone experiences mental pain. The basic emotion in mental pain is, thus, self-disappointment. And yet, that voice did not instil that same state of intense psychological pain, rather it fuelled her desire to sit up and scream. Her body was ready to explode with the frustration, with every futile attempt to move, it seemed to only worsen and watch failed attempt at desperately recalling that voice only exacerbated the pain.

It eventually gave out, her body breaking into a murderous pain across her head and along her body. Her limbs started to shake with the pain, and her voice finally came, as a broken cry. A sad, sad cry.

The sudden movement of the girl ostensibly shocked the two bystanders to come hurtling towards her, with a dark-haired man clasping her hand and speaking to her, but he sounded so distant, as though she was a million miles from him. The throbbing blurred her vision, despite her great efforts to look at the owner of that beautiful voice, all she could make out was a muddle of black hair. Her other arm was not being grabbed by the other man, a blonde that she did not care to pay much attention to, for the ringing in her ears pursued and her eyes clenched to shut again.

She was a pitiful sight, withering around the table in unspeakable pain as her body started to wake up, every nerve screaming in anticipation of the tides of discomfort flooding her body.

Everything was so painful.

Even in all of that blistering pain, the girl managed to lock eyes with the man holding her hand, suddenly feeling his touch. His hands felt rough and calloused, but they felt so right holding her own. Focusing in on that feeling, she felt the slight stilling of the pain and a lessening of the ringing. There were a few moments of silence, but this was short-lived as her mind screamed in agony at the sudden hearing of his voice.

The hands that she felt where so familiar suddenly ran cold, and fear struck at her chest in turns. She no longer felt the warmth of the man’s hands, rather they felt as though they where engulfing her into darkness. Her body gave up, letting the blackness overcome her body, the sudden fatigue of fighting the pain taking its final toll on her broken body. As she fell she heard his voice reside over the ringing ever so quietly in her ear.

_“Kai!”_

_No more was that light ceiling she grew so curious of, rather there was an abrupt blackness. When her eyes eventually opened, she was met with the soft light of the city skyline. Millions of colours painted the horizon, the city that never slept kept busy while she was left frozen._

_There was a sudden rush of wind, which dragged her eyes away from the daubed skyline and onto a man stood in front of her. With the lack of light on the roof, she could merely make out the outline of his figure._

_It was not until he took a laborious step towards her that she recognised him. The familiar mess of bed hair and the sharp catlike eyes where unmistakable. He was Kuroo Tetsuro. His hair drifted in the breeze, uncovering the harsh look he was throwing her. It chilled her to her core, sacring her into taking a shuffling step backwards._

_Everything was so painful._

_“Why are you here?”_

_The cruelty in his glare hurt her so much, there was nothing subtle about the hatred it showed. His words were laced with malice, and his actions carried this also as he stepped towards her. she only now caught a glimpse of what he held in his hand. A gun. The metal device was raised to aim at her, he was so close that her eyes could not even focus on the barrel pointed at her face._

_“You are not her!”_

_A pained snarl sewed itself onto Kuroo’s face, anger painting along every part of his expression, even the tears that stained his cheeks. There was no denying how broken he was. They both remained stood there, with her hasty breathing and Kuroo’s infuriated breath being the only things they both could hear._

_“Why are you here, if you didn’t exist she never would have died!”_

_With sudden rapid movements, Kuroo had grasped the girl by the back of her neck, his hand easily crushing her whole throat as he dragged her over to the other side of the rooftop. She grasped at the hand around her throat fruitlessly as she struggled to breathe. There was no loosening to the grip he had, it only increased as he came to a stop._

_“Look at what you did to her! Look!”_

_A pained cry departed from Kuroo’s lips, and the sound that fell from her own when she saw what was in front of her was even more disturbed._

_There was no explaining the body in front of her, it shared everything about her, the same eyes, the same hair, the same body. But this body had one diffrence, there was no longer any life within it. The eyes were left lifeless, with the pupils shrunken. The hair was matted with blood, spread across the stone of the floor. And the body lay there, limp, unmoving, dead._

_Suffering can be defined as a state of severe distress associated with events that threaten the intactness of the person, that occurs when impending destruction of the person perceived. Suffering alienates the suffer from their self and their society and may engender a crisis of meaning and a disintegration of hope. She was **suffering**_

_“I- I didn’t do this!” She managed to croak past the restriction to her throat, grasping more at the hand holding her to attempt to pry it off._

_Kuroo responded with an angered cry as he turned the girl to throw her into the entrance to the rooftop. Her body hit the door handle with the greatest of pressure, her back hitting the door handle with so much pressure that she was left winded. She coughed, feeling the rush of air back in her throat burning._

_“You did this! If only you stayed away! You and Karasuno!”_

_Her wheezing continued as she unbearably raised her head to look back at the furious man, seeing him raising his gun once more. Behind her, she heard the door open, along with the shallow breaths of another person, but she could not pry her eyes away from the weapon pointing at her._

_It was with a final strangled cry that Kuroo made the shot, and she fell into darkness._

_The term suffering means different things to different people. Expressions such as suffering from intense pain, suffering from mental illness, or even suffering of a hangover are indicative of these ambiguities. The borderland between mental pain and pain referred to the body is difficult to define, since pain always involves a psychological component. The idea of an injury as the need to suffer may lead to pain, just as it may a real lesion or injury. Similarly, the need not suffer or not to accept the fact that the injury may render a painful injury painless._

_And yet, everything was so painful._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey Hey Hey, this is literally just me posting my quarantine boredom so apologies!  
> its completely raw and unedited so mind the errors, but please comment and give Kudos (if its worth it)  
> Stay safe!:)


	2. Hippocampus: Part One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Her life was beast-like, and devoid of pity; And, being so, shall have like want of pity.”  
> \- Shakespeare, Titus Andronicus

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ehe thanks for reading :) This is my first Fic, please enjoy!

Successful behaviour requires the active acquisition and representation of information about the environment and the people, and manipulation and using those acquired representations flexibility to optimally act in and on the world. The frontal lobes of the brain have figured prominently in most accounts of flexible or goal-directed behaviour as evidenced by often-reported behavioural flexibility in individuals with frontal lobe dysfunction. Here, there is the introduction of the hippocampus as a critical role in forming and reconstructing relational memory representations that underlie flexible cognition and social behaviour.

The hippocampus, together with the extensive interconnections with other neural systems, supports the flexible use of information in general.

Humans are active agents in the world, constantly acquiring information about their environment, manipulating those representations, and synthesising optimal behavioural and cognitive strategies to modify the world around them.

When the girl opened her eyes, she was greeted with the view of a painted white wall. She found herself staring at the uneven paint stokes, seeing the balls of paint mound themselves on the wall, if she were to touch them they would surely peel the paint away. It did not seem to be the same wall that she awoke originally to see. No, she was now resting in a plush bed, enveloped in the warmth of a duvet, and her head supported by two cushions. Her body was marvelling in the feeling of warmth, so much so that when she pulled herself up and allowed the blanket to drop, she was met with a shiver.

There was an emptiness to her mind, one she would never really know how to understand.

The room she was in did no favours in sparking familiarity, there was nothing about it that she recalled. The bed was in the furthest side of the room away from the door, with the foot of it boasting a darkened window. The room was quite bare, with no form of photographs or pictures on the walls, the only content showing any form of habitation was the near-empty bookcase and wardrobe. Even then, there seemed to be no life in the room. Even the smell brought back nothing, there was nothing that she felt comfortable with.

She pushed herself out of the bed, hearing the repetitive tapping coming from the other room, she could not quite understand what was making that noise. It sounded so smooth, rhythmical in its pace until there were a sigh and a moment of silence. She could not even recognise the sigh but found herself opening the door to discover the sound.

Darkness took up much of the room, with the only light coming from an uncovered window in the corner that the girl faced, and the computer screen on the table in the centre. With the main light of the laptop, the girl could see the simplicity of the room she found herself in. There seemed to only be a sofa, and the table in the centre, there was no photographs or memorabilia that would even indicate that anyone lived there at all, if it were not for the man sat behind the laptop.

The boy that had held her hand sat in the middle of the room. He had his head in the palm of his right hands whilst the other seemed to be tapping away at the laptop in front of him. His hair remained to be its usual haystack of bed hair, and his hazel eyes gazed lazily at the screen. In the darkened room, only his face was visible from the light emitting from the screen, and yet Kai could see all the similarities to the man she saw in her dream. He was him.

“Tetsuro?” The words came out of her mouth before she even knew it herself. She found herself questioning if that was even his name when he looked at her, his eyes widening as they fell onto her. She felt herself suck back from his gaze, almost stepping back into the doorway that she came from at the sudden attention she was getting.

“Kitten, you are awake.” The man stood, walking over to her as he spoke. As he approached, she got a better look at him, and found more similarities to the man that she saw in her dream. But there were a few differences, this man did not hold the angered glare that had frozen her to the core before, this Kuroo’s eyes flashed with what she recognised to be concern, as they seemed to look at her once over before he let out a sigh. “How do you feel?”

There was something about him that sparked more than the familiarity of the dream, something that soothed her. The scent of smoke that came from him brought back views of rooftops, where they held each other in their arms. The chestnut eyes that looked down at her held so much tentative love, that she knew she should have reciprocated. Yet there was no recollection from her body that this man here, was anyone important, and this was unsettling.

The memories that flashed through her mind were pleasant, full of smiles, but then looking at this man brought nothing much unfamiliarity. She was unaware as to how she even knew his name. Something was wrong.

The hippocampus has notable contribution to flexible cognition, and this is most apparent in the complex dynamics of social interactions. The ability to do so relies on information about the situation no longer in current sensory experience, predictions based on knowledge and inferences based on existing relationships.

To her, the man stood in front of her should have induced a feeling of love, she knew that from the memories that flickered. She _knew_ this, but she continued to stare blankly at the messy-haired man, feeling nothing of any emotional attachment. She desired that irruption of emotion that should have been there with these memories, but there was nothing. Nothing but emptiness.

To him, it was surreal to have the girl stood in front of him, he wanted nothing more than to bring her into his arms and never let go. He certainly would not be doing that again. But he found Kei’s words in his ears, telling him that she no longer had all of her memories, but perhaps that was a blessing.

They looked similar, almost the same. The same emerald eyes shone against her pale skin that she used to complain about. Her hair hung down to the middle of her back, unkempt as always. The vast difference to Kuroo, the change he noticed the most was the way that her eyes looked at his. He had fond memories of those cat-like glances that she sent his way. She had an adorable way of looking incredibly cute when she blankly stared at the page of her book, that could turn so quickly to a glare of determination. He remembered affectionately the kind way she would smile at him, and her eyes would almost close at she did so. She would claim to hate it, but he found it so adorable. And then the gaze that she would hold with him when they were talking about the simplest of things, that he missed so much, did not seem to be evident now.

Her eyes looked empty.

He had to try to remember that she was not the same as she was before, there had to be some differences, and while he trusted Kei’s skills he did not know exactly what he had done to bring her back.

When she did respond to his question, staring up at him instead with questioning eyes, he decided to ask again. “Sleep well?”

“Where am I?”

Her voice was quiet, almost feeble. Kuroo noticed an evident shakiness to it, hoping that it was simply her getting used to using her voice again rather than fear in him. Convincing himself that she was simply still waking up he walked towards the kitchen to get her some water.

“My place, you used to live here. “ he flicked on the lights as he filled up a glass of water, falling silent as he watched the clear liquid fill the glass. “That room we used to share,” using the glass, he gestured behind the girl to the room she had come from. He wished not to overwhelm her, Kei had warned her that it could all be unbearable for her at first, telling him to keep it together with a smirk. Christ, he knew it was going to be difficult having to see her stood there with no idea as to what they had been though, and he felt so guilty as he watched her timid actions of simply drinking water.

“Do you remember me?” her eyes snapped up at him as he asked the question. The stood close, so close that she could feel his breaths on her head. They no longer felt cold, in fact, he felt warm even without her touching him. Her body seemed to recognise the feelings, and so she felt at ease, but the pain in her head left her confused. Did she simply remember this man because of the images in her mind? There was no telling that they were memories since she felt no form of connection to him.

And yet, the scent that followed him swirled around her, creating a blanket of comfort that could not be denied. She wished to feel it more, for it to engulf her and keep her secure.

“You are Kuroo, Kuroo Testuro.” She found herself reaching out to his hand with her free one, and upon lacing her fingers in his, she saw tears start to pool in his eyes. “I feel safe with you.”

There was a certain familiarness to the roughness of his hand, and while it did not pull at her heart, there was a particular likeness to it.

His heart cried in joy hearing those words, he had worried that she would not remember him, or have remembered to hate him, and had prepared himself for that reality, but this was what he wanted. She was looking at him with the most open of looks, with such simplicity it was painful, but he did not allow his mind to linger on that, rather he found himself bringing his other hand to the girl’s face.

She flinched at the touch, but he chose to ignore that, craving the closeness of his hand to the warmth of her cheek. Shw never used to have that look, she would always look at the world with such wonder, looking for adventure in every corner of the earth. It was only in those last two years that she lost that light, replacing it with a mistrusting glare, one that analysed everything. The change had partially Kuroo’s fault, but also _his._

“I’m so glad, so glad.” His voice barely a whisper, perhaps in fear that speaking any louder would shatter the girl. Standing there in her old pyjamas sent his mind into ease, it did not seem any different, and she trusted him, he could build onto that.

“But,” she managed to voice into his chest, “Who am I?”

The man could only sigh, and it would be a sigh he would regret soon. He ran a hand through the girl’s hair, refusing to let her go as he spoke out her name, “Kai.”

 _Kai…_ Her name was Kai. She accepted it, akin to the fact that she felt no desire to reject it. There should have been no need for it, no thought that this was anything but the truth from Kuroo.

He eventually let go of the girl and gestured for her to follow him into the kitchen. Turning on the light, Kai could finally see the small kitchenette. It was simply a counter, an oven and a fridge. There seemed to be a microwave of sorts on the side, but it looked beyond its years, likely to disintegrate at the single touch. She could not help but muse over how simple the living here was, there was nothing that made it feel homely. She wondered if she and actually lived here for long, because even now, after only a short while, she had the strongest desire to decorate the place.

The bedhead rummaged around the fridge, bringing out a handful of ingredients before announcing that he was making omelettes. Upon instinct, Kai reached into a cabinet, bringing out two mugs, both the same plane white in design. “Shall I make you a coffee?” The man responded with a smile and handed her a tub of instant coffee he had on the side. She could not quite work out how she remembered that the mugs where there, perhaps it was just luck.

They remained in comfortable silence while Kuroo cooked, with Kai spending most of the time by the window with her coffee in hand. Kuroo had not touched his coffee, he did not have the heart to tell her that she made it too ridiculously strong for his liking. With the amount of coffee granules in there, the spoon could have stood up. He would find a moment to pour a little away before topping it up with more milk, but for now, he was enjoying having company in the flat.

She too, felt a comfort in her own actions in the building, although she had not dared to disturb this by asking questions, she knew she would have to. For now, she enjoyed looking out of the window. The house they were in was high up, and the view outside was fairly nice, with the window overlooking the tops of a few buildings, that held up the painted skyline. Her eyes got lost in all the colours and started to wonder if she had had the time to enjoy these wonders before. Kai had possible had a life before she woke up, evident in her relationship with the cooking man, the comfortableness she felt with him, and his nickname for her was evidence of some kind of relationship between them. She could not even recall what kind of a relationship the two had.

The girl was dragged out of her rambling thought with the call of food. Kuroo had placed two plates with a formation of some form of egg and vegetables. With a sheepish grin, he confessed that he was not the best at cooking but hoped that it would taste better than it looked. It did, in fact, it tasted rather nice.

“You used to cook more than me, my speciality is instant noodles I’m afraid.” He rubbed the back of his head, a coat of embarrassment over his face, “while you used to make these amazing dishes, you made the best fish curry!”

With the information that Kuroo had given her, she tried to think back to a moment that she had fish curry, but her memory came back blank. “I don’t remember that.”

Kuroo suddenly felt guilty for bringing it up, for he knew she would not remember but had hoped that there may have been some form of recollection. “Don’t mind it, I’m sorry you are going to be playing catch up for a while. I will stay with you until you feel you are ready.”

“Catch up?”

Kuroo blinked, not knowing how to respond to her questioning. Surely, she knew that she had lost her memories, but then again, how was she to know what she lost. “Sorry, kitten, it’s all-new for me too. How about I go get us some nice drinks and we can talk later?” he hummed, thinking about going to get some ice cream in this heat as well as picking up a few other things. His fridge was not exactly stocked up for two people. “Like to come with?”

The reaction she made was the most innocently childlike reaction he had ever seen from her, and he had been with her since they were both five. She eyes seemed to light up with excitement, and a smile decorates her lips. He had not even seen her this bright in years, and it brought a smile to his face, albeit a bittersweet one.

She wished to see the outside, the sky had looked so beautiful from the window, she wished to see it from beyond the pane of glass. The offer that he made her had lit the excitement, and she was suddenly wishing that he was leaving right now, but alas, he stated that he had to finish up an email before they headed off, telling her to go and get changed. She placed both their plates in the sink, seeing the coffee she made for Kuroo still on the side, before deciding to empty that into the sink also, thinking that it would have been cold anyway. With the plates now clean, she headed into her room to get changed.

It felt strange to be calling it her room, as when she looked around the room now, she realised how empty it was. there really was no form of personality in the room, but she could appreciate how clean it looked. The walls where again, lacking any form of photography, and there were only a few books on the bookcase. She ran her hand over the spine of the books, looking over their worn edges to pick up their titles. The most used was Gulliver’s Travels, apparently the third part, which rested against De L’art de Persuader written by Blaise Pascal. The only book that looked untouched was To Esme with Love and Squalor. Kai reached to remove this book from the shelf, running her hand over the cover. There was a light layering of dust to it, and yet it still looked new. There were no creases to the side, unlike the weathered Gulliver’s travels, it showed no signs of even being opened. She could not help but wonder if she read, or if these were Kuroo’s. She could not imagine the bedhead to read but found herself imagining him with Alone in Berlin in his hands, scrunching his nose in concentration.

Placing the book back, she turned to the wardrobe. Upon opening it, she was the neatly arranged hangers of clothes next to a divider of shelves. On one side, there seemed to be a couple of blazers, each boasting a dark colour, and magnitude of shirts in a spectrum of colours. And the other seemed to hold an array of items, from shirts to jumpers. She found herself grabbing a pale green jumper and a pair of jeans she decided was hers, before heading to the bathroom to change.

It was only when she was getting changed that she noticed the scarring over her head. There seemed to be a circle just shy of her left eyebrow that held shinier skin than the rest of her face, it was about the size of a penny. She found herself looking at it more intently in the mirror when she saw a line of some form of healing cut behind her left ear also. Her fingers reached to the indent on her forehead, and with the lightest of pressure, she ran them over it, causing her to yelp out in pain.

This led to Kuroo shouting his concern through the bathroom door, which she quickly answered. She swung open the door to see the boy looking her over with frantic eyes. “What happened? Are you hurt?” He grasped her shoulders, lowering his head so he could be level with her. His Hazel eyes glanced over at the room to find some clues as to what had happened, but it did not hold the answers.

She did not quite know how to word her question, so she simply pointed at her head, looking at him with a questioning gaze. His eyes appeared to soften when he grasped her concern and tentatively raised his hand to her head, lightly patting it. “I’ll explain later, just get ready.”

She longed to shout at him that she wanted to know now, but his small smile resolved her burning aspiration to question him. She trusted him. And so, she did not press any more questions onto him, rather she mirrored the smile he held and turned to get changed. She wondered why she felt so at ease around him, but there seemed to be something that compelled her to follow what he said.

After getting changed, she met Kuroo back in the main room, where he held out a jacket to her before they headed out the door. Her suspicion about them being high up was quite right, for when they stepped into the lift she noted that they were on the twenty-first floor. Whilst her eyes were exploring the lift they were in, looking curiously as all the buttons, Kuroo’s had not left his phone, as he angrily tapped at the screen. His eyes did not leave the device until they had reached the bottom floor, when he shoved it into his pocket, replacing it with Kai’s hand as he pulled her towards the exit.

He held the glass door open for her, and she felt the rush of cool air hit her cheeks. The damp smell hit her nose, sending a harsh pain into her head, but it did not last long. She would have remained standing there, looking at the street ahead of her, seeing the light battling through the lashes of rain, but Kuroo pulled at her arm to carry on walking. He raised an umbrella over their heads, keeping it low enough that Kai could no longer to see the street, rather she was left with just the view of the path ahead. The paved stones reached up, shadowed by the endless cracks they boasted. Along with the fragmented light emitted from the streetlights, there was little to be seen.

She could not help but feel a little deflated, but the coolness on her face was enough to enjoy. She spared a glance up at Kuroo, whose eyes were a little darker than she remembered them being in the flat, she wondered if he did not like being outside.

It was not long before Kuroo tapped on her arm to stop, and they headed into a brightly lit shop. The endless colours of the Ilse brought a stinging sensation to her eyes, so much that they watered at the edges. And yet, the colours brought so much happiness in her chest, there was something about the sensation it brought that pulled memories into her mind. She had been there before.

“Have I been here before?” She followed Kuroo in, watching as he glanced over his shoulder at her, his expression unchanged from the blasé expression he had in the elevator. There was a streak of something in his eyes which she could not place, but its emptiness sent a small chill through her body.

“Ah, yeah, I guess you have been.”

She waited for him to continue, hoping that he would start to talk about when they had been there before. But it seemed as though the man did not wish to dwell on it any longer, for Kuroo simply reached for a basket and began shopping.

Kai followed closely behind the man, watching as he selected different things from the shelves. She knew what they were and enjoyed testing her brain as he picked up items. It pleased her that she had some form of recollection over this, while her brain was so fuzzy.

Despite the constant second-guessing she had made since waking up about the situation she was in, there remained a part of her that just told her that this was okay. She followed Kuroo through the shop with an essence of calmness, and there was nothing that seemed to tell her that she should feel otherwise.

After the boy filled the basket, he grabbed her hand to take her to the checkout. She mused over the healthy content of his basket, some vegetables, plenty of rice and noodles, a bottle of vodka, a few cans of lemonade and a bag of crisps.

“Ah, good to see you Kuroo.” The cashier spoke up to the bedhead as he started to scan the items, and Kuroo seemed to only respond with a small nod.

The man had an indistinctly rectangular face, matched with a jutted jar. His hair was a similar colour to the bedhead stood next to her, but it was in much more of an ordered style. The man held a smirk as he continued, “It’s been a while, are the cats still being hunted by the crows?”

“Manabu, you know as well as I do that the battle of the battle at the garbage dump will always be happening.” Kuroo handed over some money, muttering something about bench warmers before he took the items and Kai’s hand, leaving the shop. But not before the rectangular man shouted a response.

“Remember that _eagles_ can fly also.”

It seemed that Manabu’s comments had set Kuroo on edge, for his grip on Kai’s hand was near painful as he dragged her out of the shop and down the street. His expression was one of sheer anger and annoyance, and so Kai thought it best not to question anything that just happened.

They walked back in silence, with Kuroo striding out leaving Kai to struggle to keep up. Only the grip on her hand enabled her to keep up with the long-legged male. There was no time to admire the street now, for her eyes stayed glued to the back of Kuroo’s head.

He only let go of her hand when they reached the lift, where he snatched his pocket once again to angry punch at the screen. She could not help but watch him, seeing how his fingers clutched the phone in his hands, shaking slightly in what she assumed to be anger. Her hands reached up to his, as she held them without covering the screen he was paying attention so tentatively to.

At her touch, he moved his eyes away from the phone, looking to her small smiling face. She ran her thumb along his knuckles, trying to relax him and stop his angry trembles. And it worked, for he mirrored her soft smile best he could and placed his phone away, replacing it with her hand. “Sorry kitten, I promise next time we will explore more of outside.”

She wanted to say that it did not matter, but in truth it did. She already felt a little sadder having only been outside for around five minutes, so she settled to respond with a nod, feeling that it would be far more complicated to explain her empty feelings to him, especially when she did not whole fully understand them.

His hand continued to hold her right hand as he brought up the other to ruffle her hair. A certain familiarity came with this action, yet another thing she could not place. Kai could not help but frown slightly at this. She felt frustrated at her inability to understand anything she was feeling. If it were not for the fact that she was standing next to Kuroo, she would have surely broken down from the aggravation of her current state.

Kuroo must have noticed this, for he wrapped his arm around her shoulder, pulling her into his chest, still not letting go of her right hand. “I’m glad you are back.” She did not question this remark, despite the fact that she did not quite understand what she had come ‘back’ from. For now, she was happy just being close to Kuroo, for the sense of impropriety was comforting against the unknown.

With the sound of the lift doors opening, Kuroo freed her of his hold and led her back to his flat. She was once again met with the dull colour of the house, and she felt it to be especially emptying now she had seen the colours of the food shop. She remained stood by the door as Kuroo headed into the kitchen to unpack his shopping.

He glanced over to Kai as she remained at the entrance, wondering what she would be thinking about. Kuroo had spent the time she was asleep wondering what he would say to her, and what questions she would ask. She had not been nearly as bad as he thought she would be, before her mishap, she would get angry at anything that was not right, but this Kai seemed to approach everything calmly. He wondered if she would continue to so once he started to tell her everything.

It was then that he panicked, should he be telling her everything? For the things that he would be telling her would not be _her_ memories. He had no idea how to approach this, it was not like he was supposed to know how these things would work. It was not every day that he would have to do this.

He decided his best bet would be to ring Kenma, he seemed the most sensible to talk to about these matters. he would either listen to him or do the exact opposite, either way, he would have someone to blame when it went wrong.

It was with these thoughts that he made Kai a cup of tea which he had picked up at the shops, before determining that he would call Yaku. He placed the cup in her hands, snapping her out of her trance. A smile crept onto his lips as he watched the innocent flinch as she snapped her eyes to his own. “Sorry Kitten, I’ve got to make a call, and then we can talk, yeah?”

Kai nodded in response, still a little numb from her spacing out to word a response. She took the cup of tea from his hand, feeling the scent of mint hit her nose.

“Good girl, won’t be long.”

With that, Kuroo headed into the bedroom, leaving Kai in the doorway once more.

She found herself heading to stand at the window once more, her mind wandering as she looked over the city. The city that never slept stretched long her eyesight, signs and shops illuminating her view. As happy as she should have felt looking out on such a colourful view, there was a pain in her chest as she looked out.

_“Well, well- who have we got here?”_

The familiar voice rang in her ears as her eyes focused on the skyline ahead of her. her head was suddenly hurting at the recollection of such memories. Her dream came back to her in waves, the sudden aggressiveness of Kuroo. She could not quite believe it in comparison to the man who had taken such good care of her today. Looking down at the tea in her hands, she questioned why on earth he thought she liked this stuff. She liked the smell of the mint tea, but the thought of it did not please her.

_“I’ve got you.”_

_There was a sudden coolness in the air, and it sent a shiver into the depth of her body. She was no longer in the flat, rather she was more exposed to the elements in a dark alleyway. There were no hints as to how she had got to this alleyway, with the only form of cognition coming from the spiky-haired male stood in front of her._

_It had been the first day they had met, not that she remembered that, but this was the first time the two of them had laid eyes on one another. And it was from this fated meeting that her life had changed._

_The man stood in black, a holster around his waist and a mask over his mouth. Without the understanding of the uniqueness of the man’s hairstyle, there would be no recognising him. Even his eyes reflected the dark hues that spoke many dark words._

_Her own eyes lacked any buoyancy, they were empty. The girl’s cheeks were hollowed, and the arms that appeared out of the large purple and white shirt were sculpted with slashes and excavated by the signs of restraints. She looked broken._

_Kuroo had seen many people in her condition, beaten beyond the point of resembling humanity, but for some reason, his heart ached when he saw this particular girl. Perhaps because she still donned innocent eyes, despite the signs of obvious abuse. The marks upon her were not all new, while some scratches wore their age, others screamed out their youth. The bruising was blots of colour, a rainbow upon her pale complexion, and while this should have created pity, Kuroo could not take his eyes off the shades of purple, finding a certain beauty to them._

_But there was something even more beautiful about the girl, and that was her eyes. The magnificent green captured the man, despite their emptiness. In fact, it was the emptiness that attracted him the most, it meant that he could fill them, he could be in charge._

_The vision in the girls mind swirled, leaving the two of them walking out of the alleyway, with Kuroo holding the girl close to him, attempting to keep her as hidden as possible, away from the eyes of the citizens walking the streets of Tokyo. Though, there was little point to this, for any girl simply wearing an oversized shirt in the midst of winter, along with bare feet were rather haunting for passers-by._

_There was little humanity left of the body, and as Kuroo held his hand to her shoulder he felt the ice against his skin. Her body shook, trembled, shuddered. There was no telling what she had been through, and through the lack of response to any of his words, he could only assume the worse._

_While he wished to state he was doing this out of the goodness in his heart, it was not as simple as that. No, he had much to gain out of this child, and that came from the clothing she wore._

_Shiratorizawa._

_If only she knew of the intent of the man’s concern over her, maybe if she were as lucky as the others, she would never have fallen into another man’s trap._

_“Kai…”_

The warmth that she felt was gone all of a sudden, and she was left standing in the window of the flat. She allowed herself to blink a couple of times before she turned back to the room. She had to remind herself that where she was now was real, or else her sudden thoughts would have sucked her in. It seemed so real, unlike any fabrication.

Her head felt a little fuzzy, and so she placed her cup of tea on the table before she had both hands through her hair. What was that just now?

“Sorry, all sorted now. Shall we sit?” he strode back into the room, seeming a little more relaxed than before, his shoulders no longer up by his ears. Yet his eyes still looked dark, there was something ominous about them, and the longer Kai kept her eyes on his she felt herself shrinking. The comfortableness that she had felt earlier was being scraped away with every gaze he passed over her, she felt herself raw with fear.

She followed him to sit on the sofas in the corner, with them both sitting across from each other. He leant back into the sofa, tapping on the can in his hand whilst sighing. She sat on the edge of the other sofa, her hands resting on her knees. She had not touched the mug of tea on the table. She had lost the desire to drink the stuff Kuroo had bought her, for her stomach felt on the brink of explosion.

His eyes glanced over her again, before he also sat up, resting his elbow on his knee to prop up his head. “So, what would you like to know?”

It was not that the girl could not remember anything at all, it was more than any memories she had were not moulding with her mind. Any fragmentation of recollection she gained was not anything that she could place, like at the window when she recalled a conversation between herself and another girl, that had no place in this apartment. But it was not that she remembered nothing, she knew that she was a human being and she knew how to live. It was just that she had no recollection of her past, and any time she would remember anything, the scars on her head seemed to scream out in pain.

So, she was at a complete loss as to what to reply to the dark-haired man sat in front of her when he asked what she wished to know. The question was just far too broad. How could she pinpoint any kind of important moment she had to know of without actually experiencing them?

“Ah- my bad. I should just go from the start, yeah?” a small smile came on Kuroo’s lips, and the edges of his eyes softened, allowing the dark tint she had feared to be subdued, rather replaced by a warming lightness. “Or, I should ask, what you do remember.”

There was no answer to this, for the concept of remembering anything was not something she understood at that moment. the jumble of thoughts held little resemblance to memories, for she knew not if they were real, or fabrications.

After the moment of silence, Kuroo seemed to settle on starting his story, but something stopped him. The girl’s expression went away from the empty slate, and more towards a kitten. His kitten. Her eyes widened, softened to their innocent circles. Her mouth turned to a small pout, one that seemed to curve endlessly. The expression she held was more innocent than she had ever held, and as much as Kuroo wanted to love that expression, as much as he should have, he wished that it were back to her old, beaten self. The toughness that those experiences had brought, things that no one could have survived _but her_ , they made her.

“You don’t remember anything?”

She could only shake her head, her eyes not straying from the man’s eyes. “I remember your name.”

“But not your own?”

“I didn’t, no.”

Kuroo sat back, regretting not ringing Kei before sitting down to have this conversation with the girl, “I see.” He pulled his arms across his chest, racking his brain as to his next decision. “You were in my group. See, I run a small organization that specialises in non-pharmaceutical drugs, and in this group, I have a small number of personals that organizes movements of these medications, and another that deal with sales and procedures. The role you used to play was a trainer.” He returned back to his original posture, resting back on the chair.

“I met you on the streets, took you in when you were eighteen, or at least that’s what we assumed your age to be. You weren’t in great condition when I found you.” There was a pause as if Kuroo expected the girl to say something, “Then you grew up, worked hard and became the pride of Nekoma, and you still are. The boys miss you a lot.”

“Why do I live here with you and not at the base.”

“Its crammed there.” He smirked, throwing his arms up before standing up.

Of course, she was not satisfied with this answer, in fact, most of his answers were not really filling any gaps in her memory, they all felt like they were missing something, anything. “And, Kuroo, what were we?”

The man had now walked back over in front of her, kneeling down to hold out the steaming mug of tea he had made to her with a lopsided grin. “Why we were lovers, dear Kai.” A teasing tone laced his words, and she held back the desire to slap that cheshire grin off his smug face, but instead, she found herself smiling. Those words did bring back memories, memories of the two of them together. Somewhere much like her dream, where she would see only the back of him or worried glances, and othersweree far more tender. His eyes softened now, the chestnut orbs looked at her with a gentle gaze, much unlike the stony expression he had worn hours earlier. His smile remained crooked, but it had grown much bigger, to the point that his eyes where disappearing.

She took the mug in her own hands, the scent of mint raising to her nose. Kuroo watched her smile as he mirrored it, he felt the unending happiness that the girl was back by his side. He allowed his own fingers to linger on her own, revelling in the heat that that emitted, the blood pumping through her body was the proof that he needed that she was alive, she was there. Although she was not completely her, it was enough for him.

Kuroo took a seat next to Kai, raising his hand to the scar on her face, his forefinger gently passing over it. “This was done a couple of months ago, you were shot.” His expression was no longer the affectionate look that she adored, rather his eyes filled with guilt. Unlike the last part of their conversation where he had spoken with ease, he seemed to be struggling with his words now. Kai found herself reaching out to hold his hand, but he did not take it. Rather he stared down at it in silence for a minute before he took it in his own.

Kuroo turned his body to face hers, his onus eyes latching onto hers in desperation. “I’m the leader of a gang.”

There was nothing about Kuroo Testuro that screamed gang leader. Mai envisioned him as some kind of doctor, or scientist, for some reason, not a leader of a gang. Perhaps it was the calmness that he radiated, she expected more of a pompous character to be in charge. Or maybe it was the mellifluous manner in which he spoke to her, and the mellow look in his eyes that disallowed her from believing that the man in front of her was a gang leader.

“We are not a big gang, but it’s an active family. We are called Nekoma. We deal a lot with weapons and a few other things, but the main thing is we run most of the labs in the Kanto region.” His eyes continued to latch onto hers, those hazel orbs that she adored so much. “It was because of this that I was targeted, and well, you are the weakness they wished to exploit.”

He paused, his eyes finally faltering away from her face towards their hands. He still held onto her hand with the muted of touches, in fear that if he were not gentle she would fear him. He could no longer look at her expression, her eyes had widened so much at his announcement that it had pained him. He had to go through this before with her, and now it was happening again.

“They?” her voice came out as barely a whisper, but Kuroo latched onto it as hope that she was not going to hate him, not again.

“Karasuno. They are our rival gang, or I suppose I should say where. Their leader Daichi Sawamura is a cop, so it turns out their gang was never really a gang to begin with.” There was a bitter taste in his mouth as he thought back to his moments with Karasuno, livid at the fact that he allowed their act to go on for so long ad Mai’s detriment. “You were caught in the crossfire of a shot aimed at me, and it was only because of that that I am here.”

Something about that statement did not fit quite right in her chest, but she assumed it was the shock over learning what she was. Little did she know that that feeling would never go away. She simply brushed it aside, forgetting about it as she thought about the name Daichi Sawamura. That name seemed to loiter in her heart, but not in the same way that Kuroo’s did. Did she know Daichi Sawamura? A flash of brown came across her vision, and a sudden warmth in her chest, confirming that she _did_ know that name. Even the name Karasuno sparked the sudden imagery of the colour orange within her mind, and a certain green view…

She had half the mind to ask Kuroo, but upon looking at his angered face she thought twice. He had only just calmed down before his phone call earlier, and she did not wish to cause anything to undo that.

“So basically, I saved your life?”

To this he chuckled, taking her head in both her hands, and resting her forehead on his own. “Princess, you save me every day.”

“Well, that’s cheesy.” Her own hands weaved between his fingers as she closed her eyes, marvelling in the warmth of his touch. She allowed herself to laugh along with him, which Kuroo responded with another. There was a minute of laughter before Kuroo returned to a simple smile, running his free hand through her hair momentarily.

“Anything else you want to know?”

She mused yet again over this question. While she wished to know more, she still had no idea what she really wanted to know. “What did I work as, with you and Nekoma?” she paused before stating the name, feeling a sudden pang of unease as the name escaped her lips.

Kuroo’s hand paused in its movements through her hair, and he allowed another sigh to escape his lips. They fell into silence for a minute as she waited for Kuroo’s answer. As much as she hated the silence, she wanted to know the answer too much. It was only with another sigh that he finally made a move, but it was not a response. Rather pulled her to sit on his lap, resting a head on her shoulder. When he had sat there, he finally made his response.

“where Nekoma’s Kitten.” She could not see his face from the position he sat her in, for her back was pressed against his chest. Perhaps it was why he did this, so he could not see the questioning expression that she wore. “You trained new recruits with me, and you helped run a lot of the weapon distributions with Yaku. I’m not sure if you remember him, but I’m hoping you will feel up to meeting him soon.” He continued, “You where very good at your job, you made sure no one messed with us. You even ran a lot of the interrogations. No one would ever cross you the wrong way, myself included.”

She felt even more lost than before. In her current state she could never imagine her being active in a gang, nor being at all intimidating. When she saw herself in the mirror earlier the only thing that could have passed her for being that way was the scar on her forehead. Her mind was not tuned to violence, or at least she wished so at this point. But what did Kuroo gain out of lying?

“I hurt people?” her voice was lower, and her body started to curve into itself. Her chin rested on her own chest as she looked down at her hands, seeing them within Kuroo’s. His hands felt as weathered as she remembered, as to be expected from someone who possibly fights a lot. But her own did not feel rough, in fact they felt quite smooth.

“Only the ones that deserve it, princess.” He buried his head further into her shoulder, “you are not bad, if that is what you are insinuating. You just did what was right.”

It hurt to hear that, she had to admit. But she was so desperate to learn more that she did not bring up how horrible she felt about learning this. She felt dirty but knew no matter what she would always feel this way.

“You got along with everyone in Nekoma, but you were a strict parent. I had you train Lev with Yaku, tall, silver-haired, Russian- you will see him again soon if you don’t remember, and you would practically beat him into shape. He would be half-dead on the floor most nights.”

“That does not sound healthy.”

This earned another chuckle into her neck, “of course not, but it made him a great fighter. He no longer has a stance like a bonsai tree when he is fighting.”

She had a feeling this was a reference to something, but her mind came up blank. She felt entirely lost, more and more so with the further Kuroo explained. He continued to tell her about her actions as part of the gang, and Kai could not help but silently wish that he would announce this to be a lie. Tell her that she was something far quieter. The idea of causing the pain she had felt mere hours ago hurt her more then she could imagine. This hardly sat right with her. She could only be glad that Kuroo could not see her face, for she knew that it showed her distressed expression.

“And then the accident happened, you were in a friend of mines care for a month, and now we are here.” Kuroo finished his story, moving to wrap his hands around her waist. She could not help but feel a little uncomfortable from how touchy he was, but she allowed it.

“The blonde?” She recalled the man that had stood with him in the white room, and it seemed that Kuroo was a little shocked that she recalled that.

“Yeah, Tsukishima. We go way back to high school. He’s a retired doctor, mainly does things for gang members because he lost his licence.”

She bit her lip at this comment, it being the final straw in her built-up discomfort. He had spoken about his deeds within the gang so nonchalantly, while she was eating herself alive with guilt at things she could not even remember doing. Tears finally came to her eyes as she felt the rush of emotions she had built a wall up around all of the day finally crumble. At this point, she just wanted to sleep, but she remained still in Kuroo’s arms.

“Kitten?” After a few moments of silence, Kuroo turned their bodies so they could finally see each other’s faces. And despite the fact that she wished that Kuroo did not look at her tear-stricken face, she was far too tired to put up a fight to his movements, falling limp in his arms.

His expression was stony for a moment, and then a flash of something overpowered it, almost disappointment, before he pulled her back into his chest, allowing her head to burry into his jumper. “I’m sorry, I am sure this was a lot to take in.” His actions where kind, they had been for the whole of today, maybe that was why she felt so at ease with him. But after the conversation, she did not really know where her head was at, she certainly did not feel comfortable.

Kai murmured an apology into his shirt before she wrapped her own arms around him, pressing her head further into his chest, feeling comfort at the warmth. It was then that the tears really started falling as she felt the weight of everything she had taken on today. The fact that she had probably killed people, the fact that she was not just a simple editor, but a fighter, the fact that the man she supposedly lived with was the leader of a gang family. Nothing, nothing at _all_ felt _right._

But then, was it really going to? She had apparently been shot, a matter that Kuroo did not really explain much in his story, yet there was very little to elaborate on, she was simply shot. While it felt as though it should be more to it, there really was not anything that was necessarily wrong about the explanation.

Perhaps it was the dream, that image of Kuroo holding a gun to her head did not correspond with the stories he was telling her. There was everything to suggest that the two got on quite well, and from the contact that Kuroo was giving her she assumed that they had been together, and that was about as much as felt right at the moment.

It was only day one, she had every right to feel overwhelmed, but she could not help but feel pathetic for feeling that way. And there was something about the way that Kuroo held her that made her feel even more pathetic. Possibly it was because she was simply so small in comparison to him. He was clearly built for fighting while her own body was nothing more than bones and flab. His hold made her feel worthless, small, insignificant, anything but good, anything but worthy of his hold.

She wished to pull herself away from him, excuse herself and just go to bed. It would be the best way to deal with this. And yet, she found herself relaxing in his hold. His hand rubbed small circles into her back as he held her close. There was no telling the expression he held, she expected it to be the same cold expression he had when he saw her cry, but she knew nothing about him at this point.

Kai knew nothing about Kuroo.

She had listened to him speak about her, tell her all about her achievements in Nekoma, with people she could not remember the names of, whilst brushing over his own matters. Was it that he did not want her to know? No, it was that she had not asked him at all. She had been so wrapped up in her own issues that she did not think of Kuroo. Her mind told her to get a grip and ask him while he was here, but her body had other ideas. It simply would not move, tiredness limiting her actions to a simple movement of her head.

With her movements, he turned to look at her, the same distant look that he had given to her before still evident, but there was a little sense of softness to his eyes. “Better?”

Again, her body only allowed a nod. She could not even move her hands to wipe away the tears that had stuck to her cheeks. Kuroo found himself doing that for her, rolling down his sleeves to gentle swipe away any remaining tears.

There were no words exchanged as Kuroo pressed his lips onto her forehead before lifting her in his arms. He easily carried her into their room, putting her down on the bed gently. Kuroo wrapped her in the blanket, not bothering to change her clothes knowing that she was simply too tired. Just one look at the girl was enough to tell that she was shattered.

With a final kiss to the cheek, he wished her good night, before he headed back out to the main room. Shutting the door after turning off the light. Despite the tears she had wept before, as soon as Kuroo shut the door he heard the muffled sobs of the girl he had held start again. It pained him to hear it, but he simply did not know how to help her.

Kai had always been good at dealing with emotions, that was why she was a great addition to Nekoma. She was human enough to recognise how people thought and how people needed to be trained, but ruthless enough to know when to stray away from humanity. It was one of the reasons he fell in love with her, for she became his backbone.

He ran a hand through his hair, seeing that his hand was shaking a little. He could not help but let it get to him, but there was a strain of anger in his emotions, the frustration of this not going the way he wanted it to. Kuroo was not sure what he did expect out of this, did he perhaps expect her to just wake up to be exactly who she was before? Of course, he could not, for it was not achually _her._

Another sigh left his lips, he needed a drink.

It was after a beer that he allowed his tiredness to take over, and he walked himself to the room they shared. He thought about sleeping on the sofa but decided that he did not really want to be away from Kai. And he was right to think so as the moment he rested his eyes on the girl his heart felt at ease.

After changing into his joggers, he slipped into the covers next to the girl silently. He could not help but ravel in the fact that she was in front of him once again, after seeing the bullet through her body he did not think it ever to be possible that she would be alive.

A fond smile painted his lips as he snuggled up to the black-haired girl, placing another soft kiss on her head before he allowed sleep to overcome him. But as he rested, there was the little voice that played in the back of his mind, reminding him of what he truly wished to ignore.

_“She is not her.”_


	3. Hippocampus: Part two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “…That upon the meeting of the senate, certain physicians should attend it the three first days of their sitting, and at the close of each day's debate feel the pulses of every senator; after which, having maturely considered and consulted upon the nature of the several maladies, and the methods of cure, they should on the fourth day return to the senate house, attended by their apothecaries stored with proper medicines; and before the members sat, administer to each of them lenitives, aperitives, abstersives, corrosives, restringents, palliatives, laxatives, cephalalgics, icterics, apophlegmatics, acoustics, as their several cases required; and, according as these medicines should operate, repeat, alter, or omit them, at the next meeting.”  
> \- Jonathon Swift, Gulliver’s travels.

She loved the feeling of warmth the duvet brought her, so much that when she felt the blanket raise off her ever so slightly, her body told her to wake up. Her eyes opened unhurriedly, allowing the soft light that had overcome the room to reach them. Turning her head, she saw the shadow of who she assumed to be Kuroo leaving the room followed by the quiet bustle of a conversation. Kai assumed that he was on the phone, with the long pauses he held between his sentences.

The girl sat her body up, stretching her arms with a contented hum, feeling the familiar pop in her elbow. Her hand fell to the left of her, feeling the warmth of the bed where Kuroo had been. She expected that he would sleep here, considering the lack of another bed, but after last night’s conversation she had half the mind to expect him to sleep on the sofa. Not that she minded, he warmed the duvet.

Her body craved coffee, and she was struggling with the internal debate to go to the kitchen or not, in case Kuroo had left to have a private phone conversation. It was more likely that he had left in order to not wake her up, but she did not wish to bother him.

Eventually, she decided to wait before getting her coffee, feeling as though she should not impose on Kuroo. She got out of bed, changing out of the clothes she had crashed in last night; picking a far more comfortable pair of joggers and a t-shirt, having sworn to not wear jeans for a week after falling asleep in them.

She trod her way to the bathroom, hoping to find a toothbrush she could use. As she made her way there, she could not help but overhear a small part of Kuroo’s conversation, and curiosity got the best of her, and she remained stood there to listen in.

“I didn’t tell her everything Kenma, she broke down after just a little bit, I couldn’t do that to her.” there was a pause, followed by a rugged sigh before Kuroo continued, “she’s not her, Kenma, please understand that. Anyway, do you want to see her or not? I was thinking about bringing her with my today if she’s up for it. I was hoping it would bring back some memories.”

They fell into a conversation about where to meet, but by this point Kai had stopped listening. She had wondered last night what he was referring to when he said that ‘ _she was not her_ ’. Kai had heard him say that last when he came to bed, but she did not think much of it in her half comatose state. Pondering over if she should bring it up to him or not, she headed to the bathroom.

After cleaning herself up, she headed to the door of the bedroom, hoping to hear that Kuroo had completed his conversation and she could finally get a drink of coffee. Upon hearing silence, she believed her prayers to be answered, so she slowly opened the door to peer into the room. She saw Kuroo sat back where he was yesterday, behind the laptop, typing furiously. He did not even glance up from his computer screen when he told her good morning.

She offered him coffee, which he disagreed to, but again his eyes did not stray away from the screen in the slightest. Busying herself with her coffee, she listened to the repetitive notion of keys being pressed. She filled the kettle with arduous movements, her body suddenly feeling the lack of coffee. While she did sleep well last night after crying, she did not feel as though she slept for long, and so she knew she would need a lot of coffee to make her last throughout the day.

Filling the black mug with enough coffee granules for three cups, she put a splash of milk in before adding the water from the kettle. The bitter scent filled her nose as she brought the cup to her mouth. She watched as tuffs of steam rose from the liquid, swirling in a wonderful pattern.

_“You let your coffee go cold again, didn’t you Mai?”_

_A smooth, calm voice spoke over her shoulder, as the owner's hand reached out to take the, now cold, white coffee mug from her hands, replacing it with a much warmer cup._

_Mai stood at a different window here, rather than the sweeping city skyline that she had been looking at before, she was now met with beautiful rolling hills and trees. The greenery of the countryside sang to her as her eyes looked out over the sight. There was little sound to interrupt the tranquil sight in front of her. The only thing that could stray her eyes away from the view in front of her was the action of the man behind her._

_He brought the mug she held to his own lips, taking a sip before returning it to her own hands. There was something familiar about him, the short dark hair was brushed effortlessly and neatly, and it brushed her face as he reached around her to put her fingers around the mug. He smelt nice. But there was something that was very clear from the soft hold his hands had on her, he was not Kuroo._

_His hands were soft, his nails were kept to a short length, and there seemed to be less of a weathered feel to them. His hold was far more comfortable, even soothing as he brought his arms around her waist and rested his head on her shoulder._

_Yes, this was far different from the hold of Kuroo. There was a warmth to it that she could not explain. His arms seemed to fit perfectly around her, and his head rested like a puzzle piece in her left shoulder. If this were not a memory, she would have wished to turn around to look at this man. But it seemed this memory ended soon, for with the introduction of shouting outside, the mystery male unwrapped his hold on her to turn to it._

_There was a mellifluous laugh that left his mouth, “I swear dumbass is the only insult he knows.”_

“You alright there, kitten?”

A hand on her head suddenly brought her back to the flat. The view in front of her returned to the infamous city, with the soothing orange colours of the sky contrasting with the palleted green she had gotten lost looking at before. And the hand on her head felt much cooler than the hold she had just remembered.

Kuroo sat himself on the counter beside her, reaching over to take the coffee cup from her hand to take a sip. She could not help but compare his actions with the man she remembered, while Kuroo simply took the mug from her hand, the other man had brought the mug to his lips while she was still holding it.

“Oh, it’s cold.” The bedhead muttered to himself before he put the mug in the microwave behind him. Kai marvelled in the fact that it even worked as Kuroo punched the on button. “Impressive it works, right? Kenma messed with it when he came round and its somehow managed to outlive its expected life.”

They remained quiet, both of them watching the numbers decrease on the battered microwave as if their lives depended on it. Kai was waiting for the machine to suddenly give out, given the horrible noise that it was producing, but Kuroo did not seem nearly as concerned.

“Speaking of Kenma,” he broke the silence along with the noise of the microwave, “How would you feel about seeing everyone? It will just be until the evening, but I would love it if you came with me.”

The man held her gaze while he passed back the mug to her, it now steaming away. She recalled the conversation that she had recalled this morning, and so she felt a little sceptical about trusting Kuroo. But then she was aware that seeing everyone in Nekoma was sure to bring back memories. He smiled down at her when she took the mug, a much softer look in his eyes from the gaze he had last night. She wished to be able to smile back, but there was a pit of unease in her stomach from the recollection of the memories. All she could muster was a little nod.

“Good, now drink up and get changed, we will head off when you are ready, alright princess?” he brought his hand back to ruffle her hair before he headed back to his computer. The feeling still bringing much less warmth than the remembrance just.

Finishing her coffee, she headed back to their room to change, deciding to wear to just throw on a sweatshirt rather than face ever having to wear jeans again. She picked out a navy sweatshirt that looked far too big for her body- perfect. It was probably one of Kuroo’s, but she could not care at this point, she just wanted to feel comfortable.

It was with a final brush of her hair that she headed back out to the main room. Kuroo’s eyes fell onto her before he could even look at him, for she was entranced once again by the colour of the sky. It must have only been daybreak when they woke, for now the sky was a plethora of blues, painting up the skyline in the most magnificent way. A smile finally awoke on her face as she looked out on the beautiful sight.

Kuroo had walked up to her, reaching for the hem of the sweatshirt with an inspecting smirk. “You always picked this one out. But who knew you would look so good in my stuff?”

Her eyes finally met his, and in all their innocent wonder, Kuroo felt as though his heart may stop. She looked so small in his shirt, despite not being particularly small in her statue, she stood at nearly five foot seven, but his large sweatshirt was big enough to drown her. It brought back memories of her wandering around the flat in only that sweatshirt and shorts, even when the rest of Nekoma where in the fault. She felt so comfortable and confident that it only made Kuroo smile more.

There was a difference here though, she did not look the same confident being that she did before, rather she looked small. It was a diffrence that Kuroo hated but loved at the same time. He found his hands reaching to her face, feeling how soft she was against his beaten hands. He had to remember that her body had not been through everything that _she_ had. There was a part of him that liked that, she was an empty canvas, but the fact that the outline was _her_ made it all the more difficult to paint.

He wanted to kiss her, to see if she was the same as before. But the wide eyes that she was displaying scared him slightly. Just what was he thinking?

“Let’s go, yeah?”

Only neither of them moved, Kuroo did not wish to move his hands and Kai had not moved her eyes away from his face. They simply looked at each other. Kai suddenly felt so mean to be thinking about the memory earlier and so it was brushed aside as she felt the warmth of Kuroo’s hands on her skin.

Kuroo watched as her eyes relaxed, and the small smile returned to her lips. He relished in it, the change to her usual state filled his chest with happiness. He could not stop himself; he brought his lips to hers in the gentlest way he could, in fear that what he was doing was going to break her.

It did not break her, no, it fixed so many cracks. The feeling of his lips moving against her own unlocked so many memories, so many emotions came crashing through her body as she brought her arms around his neck.

He was right, he fit just right.

Recollections of lazy mornings came rushing back, reminiscences of laughter and smiles suddenly filled her head, and her mind fell into ease. It felt right. Her hand laced through his hair as he pulled her in closer, deepening the hold he had on her lips, their bodies melted together as if they were being crushed with the gravity of long repressed desire.

As they parted, Kuroo looked down at the blush that tinted Mai’s face with a smug smile. “Your lips are soft; I could kiss them all day.”

Her blush deepened, and with a small scowl she pushed him lightly away. “Shut up.”

“Whatever you say princess,” he took her hand again and they headed to the door. Kuroo picked up a set of keys from the rack before locking the door behind him. he did not make her wear a coat today, but then neither was he, and it looked as though they were going to be driving from the keys he was swirling around his finger.

Left in silence again, as Kuroo was distracted by his phone in the lift, Kai tried to entertain herself with all of the buttons that she had looked at before, but with no luck, found herself a little bored as the lift went down to the basement. Unlike before, Kuroo had not let go of her hand to use his phone, and that did leave a pleasant feeling in her chest. She had long forgotten her comparison of him to the man she remembered in her dream, and she was quite glad to do so.

“Oh, can you take one of these for me, Tsuki gave me them for you saying they should help with your headaches. I’ve got some water in the car.” He finally let go of her hand to reach into his pocket to bring out a box of what she assumed to be painkillers. The plain, white, rectangular box with none of the usual lists of ingredients and even the name of the drug was slightly alarming, but she took them from his hand anyway.

Once they sat in his defender, he reached behind her to bring out a water bottle. He watched as she took the pill with an unreadable expression. But it quickly merged into a smile as he turned on the engine, “we will be driving for a while, try to sleep.”

She nodded, despite having no plans to sleep whatsoever, it had merely been an hour since she had woken up. Besides, she was quite excited to see where he was driving to.

Kuroo started the engine and turned on the music, the quiet sound of acoustic guitar filled the car as he drove out of the garage.

She was not sure what music she expected he bedhead to listen to, but the relaxed acoustics that she heard was not predicted. She perhaps expected something louder, considering just how loud he was himself. But the music was rather soothing, she had to admit.

The two made light conversation, which mainly consisted of Kuroo constantly teasing the girl for wearing his jumper, and her threatening to throw it out of the window. They also spoke about the city. Kuroo pointed out places as he drives that the two had visited. His personal favourite was a restaurant that her and Nekoma had planned his birthday party, Kai had apparently had the plan to push his head into a cake, but this had failed- as Kuroo pushed her head into the cake. As he told the story he was within fits of laughter, the manic giggles set herself off. She laughed along with him purely because his laugh was so contagious, but there was a stab of unease as she did laugh, for the matter he was laughing about was something she could not remember at all. It was though she was reading a story about someone else, there was nothing to place herself there.

They continued their laughter as Kuroo attempted to sing a song that played on the radio. It seemed to be a horribly cheesy song that Kuroo had no embarrassment in knowing all the words. She did wish that she could sing along with him, but she had enough fun just hearing him.

It was not until around twenty minutes into their drive that Kai suddenly felt the lulls of sleep. It was not expected, considering the fact that she felt so energised by watching the scenery pass. It was just as they were leaving the built-up areas of Tokyo that Mai’s eyes could no longer remain open.

Upon her silence, Kuroo turned down the music. There was yet another sigh that left him as he turned back to focus on the road. He had no idea what he was doing, but if it worked everything would go back to the way it was.

She would have wished to keep her eyes open, for the matters that passed while her eyes were closed were not those that she should have been through. Unknowingly to her, her life was falling out of her hands, and into another.

Kai would not wake up for another hour, and in that time Kuroo had already driven to Nekoma. The building stood on the outskirts of a hamlet, hidden in the plain sight of everyone. It looked like a simple laboratory, and really it was. There where people working there perfectly unaware of the work that he was doing, they believed that they were working on an asthmatic drug. Which, in a sense, they were, but it would never be sold to the public.

Kuroo flashed his badge at the guard at the gate before driving into his paring spot by the back entrance. It was pretty quiet, which was to be expected given that it was a Sunday and so no workers but his own where on site. He parked his car by Kenma’s before turning to look at the sleeping girl. He wondered how long it would take to wake her up, he debated trying to wake her but decided on carrying her in and letting her sleep a little longer in his office.

He tried to be quiet in picking her up, but all of his efforts where crumbled with the sudden shout from a certain long-legged Russian. There was no hiding the annoyance on his expression when he saw Kai stir in his arms, and he projected it very directly as the silver-haired male running towards him. If was not for the female in his arms he would have hurled Lev into the next county.

Lev caught onto the scary expression that was being thrown his way and froze. It was only when a shorter male came next to him that he eventually unfroze, but only due to the kick that the other man shot into his back.

Yaku, the shorter male, looked over at Kuroo and Mai with a small smile. “How is she?”

“Tired. I’m going to put her in the office so she can sleep.”

“Don’t worry,” Nobuykui appeared in the doorway, standing in front of a silent Kenma, “I will set up the sofa for her. Come.”

It was with the wise words of the buzzcut male and brought the whole of Nekoma to enter back into the laboratory, all of them silent bar a few whispers.

Kai stirred again in his arms, leading Kuroo to pass a glance at the clock, seeing that it had been an hour since she had fallen asleep. He questioned again if it was best to wake her. but it seemed she took the decision for herself, opening her eyes to the movement of Kuroo’s steps.

The first thing her eyes saw was the white ceiling above her, sending her mind spiralling back to the first instance of opening her eyes. While her mind suddenly screamed out, in fear that she was back laying on the cold surface, about to be subject to a mass of pain, her body did not follow. Rather, it stayed rigid, only her eyes could move as Kuroo carried her. Again, she was trapped. Fighting against her own body for the chance to even move.

Kuroo glanced down at the girl’s eyes and could not help but grimace at how empty they suddenly looked. Just this morning, after they had kissed, he had sworn he saw more life in them, but this was a step back. He was sure the medicine would have helped, he was certain that it would have led her to remember more, rather than shut her down.

“Rise and shine princess.” He bent his head to look closer at her face, but more so to block out the watching eyes of a certain pudding head.

Kenma stood by the sofa, holding a cushion as if he were going to help Yaku and Nobuyuki arrange the bed for the girl, but he had no intention of helping. No, he wanted to go back to his room. There was nothing but disgust filling his chest as he looked at Kuroo and Mai, a sight that should have pulled a great happiness- to see his childhood friend with someone he cares deeply about- but Kenma knew the truth, so this sight was enough to cause him to throw-up.

She did not respond to his voice, remaining perfectly statuesque in the bedhead’s arms. This state caused a fretting Yuki to run to get her some water, and Nobuyuki to raise his hand to her forehead.

“Is she like this normally?” he spoke lowly to Kuroo, and despite the youngers best effort to hide the distaste in his voice, Kuroo could not help but notice it.

“Of course not. But she took her medicine this morning, maybe she’s reacting to it.”

“Medicine?” Yaku now spoke up, a little louder than he intended to. In fact, he did not intend to speak at all, for his comment of disbelief was not to be heard from anyone. Luckily, Kuroo did not seem to react from this statement, for there was another matter which overshadowed that.

The girl suddenly moved, and not in the comfortable stretching of her arms after waking up from a nap sort of way. She withered in pain. Her body contorted as Kuroo attempted to hold her closer, calling at her to tell her where it hurt. But he knew where it hurt. Her head was screaming, and her body was finally fighting back. It fought every command that her brain shrieked at her to calm down, as though a child was thrashing against their parent’s orders.

“Lev, go get my bag from my room, I have a sedative!” Nobuyuki shouted back at the frozen male, who quickly followed the command, shouting in some form of gibberish as he did.

“That won’t help, she needs to see this through!” Kuroo gritted his teeth as her elbow reached his face in her frantic movements. He managed to get enough of a hold on her to throw her down on the sofa, grabbing her arms as to attempt to stop her movements. “Someone holds her legs down.” At this point he had no idea what he was doing, even Tsuki did not warn him of anything happening of this magnitude. But he and he assumed Yaku managed to pin her down, limiting her movements to the rolling of her head.

“Kai!” Kuroo ended up just shouting at her, hoping that it would be enough to illicit some kind of a response from her, enough that he could calm her down. Was this really the effect of what she had? He ignored the pang of guilt as he continued to scream at the girl, attempting to be heard over her own dishevelled cries.

It was after one particularly loud cry of her name that she suddenly fell completely silent. Her body falling still as her eyes snapped to meet Kuroo’s frantic ones. They no longer where the empty shells that she held earlier, rather they were back to her bright irises. Kuroo let out a sigh of relief, finally letting go of the girl’s wrists to sit on the floor along with Yaku who was still holding his shaky breaths from pinning her legs down.

She sat herself up, hair sticking to her sweaty forehead. Her expression one of shock as she looked around at everyone in the room. There was not a single person here that she recognised, apart from Kuroo.

Kuroo finally stood, bringing the water that Yuki had snakingly brought into the room to Kai. “How are you feeling?”

The girl looked at her with a desperate sorrow before she worded her answer. “I- What happened?”

“You had a moment, that’s all. But you feel okay now?” Nobuyuki did not allow Kuroo to have a response, asking his question from the other end of the sofa. The girl looked at him with soft eyes, realising that her mind seemed to tell her that he was trustworthy. In fact, it was fairly settled with all of the people within the room.

“Yes, thank you for your help.” She quietly worded this to the whole room, her head lowering to look at the glass of water she now gripped.

The room fell back into silence, only broken by the sound of someone bounding into the room. “Nobu I couldn’t find your bag- eh, oh is Kai okay now?”

“She’s fine. None of your concern.” Kuroo stood to walk out of the room.

There was certainly an air of awkwardness in the silence that followed Kuroo’s exit from the room. He had stormed out with Nobuyuki trailing him, leaving the others sat around the new girl in permitted silence. There were no words to say, for the girl had not even raised her eyes from the glass in her hands. She had not even moved after Kuroo left her side. And the others were at a loss of what was acceptable to say to her. It was not as though things could go back to normal.

“Kai, how do you feel?” the one to break the silence was a tall man with upwards spiking brown hair, upon looking at his hair she did feel a sense of familiarity, but nothing more than the small quantity that she felt with every one in the room. It was simply the feeling that she _could_ know them. “Oh, I’m not sure if you remember me, I’m So Inuoka. Can I get you some more water or anything?”

His voice did bring forth a little recognition, but she brushed it aside as it brought a painful crack to her head with it. “I’m okay thank you.”

“I am glad you feel better. Do you remember any of us at all?”

“So, leave her be, of course she wouldn’t remember us.”

The owner of that quiet voice was the unsteady figure sat on another chair, his hair rested just below his ears and boasted dyed blonde hair and black roots. He wore the expression of someone who wished he were anywhere but there. His feline eyes did not leave the floor as he spoke, but Mai recognised him. she remembered him to always be behind a laptop, typing away as though his life depended on it. She remembered that he would never sit at the table to use his laptop, rather he would rest in the most uncomfortable position on the floor or on the arm of the sofa. It was not certain, but it seemed as though the images in her mind must have been memories, she could not have simply made that up. But in the avoidance of discomfiture, she simply stayed quiet as another person snapped at the pudding head.

“Kenma, that’s rude.” A shorter male flicked the boy’s forehead before he turned to face Mai with a wide smile. “Now I’ll be offended if you don’t remember me.”

Those light brown eyes smiled at her with certain fondness, but she could not help but see the little spark of a tear in them. But she tried not to focus on that, rather looking desperately at his face to bring some kind of memory of his face. While few images flashed in her mind, there was a name that payed prevalent. “Morisuke…Yaku?

Although it seemed impossible, the boy's smile seemed to widen as he nodded profusely. “Yep!” he turned his body toward her, his hands resting on his hips. “Glad you remember your favourite sparring partner.”

“Surprised you could even spar her with the height difference.”

“Lev!”

The new speaker, who she now assumed was Lev, was far taller than Yaku. His slanted eyes blazed a similar green to her own. He held a childlike gaze on Yaku as he jumped back from the incoming kick.

“Excuse them, Lev doesn’t know how to be anything but a headache to Yaku. You sure we can’t get you anything?” A new voice reached the girl's ears, as she turned to face the man that had left the room with Kuroo a little while ago. She could not quite recall his name but did recognise him to be with Yaku in the few depictions of memories that she had of them. the male seemed to notice her struggle because he sent her a soft eye smile before announcing his name to be Nobuyuki. With the introduction of his name, she did recall a few moments of him tending to injuries.

“So, it’s safe to assume that you’ve lost your memories?” The buzzcut continued, “I’m sorry to hear that. It’s a shame to imagine such a thing, after all we’ve been through together.”

“Oy, that sounds like you’re blaming her!” Yaku finished with kicking Lev, who now lay in a crumpled heap on the floor with a boy she did not recognise fussing around him and turned to slap the back of Nobuyuki’s head. With a quick movement, Nobuyuki turned to grab the incoming arm with ease, sending a taunt to the shorter male.

“It hardly sounded like that.”

“With your tone anything can sound horrible! But at least you don’t have Lev’s ability to make everything sound stupid.”

“I can hear you; you know?”

“And there lies the issue! Maybe I should just strangle you!”

“You could not even reach!”

The sudden explosions of everyone screaming at each other filled the rooms with so many sounds, the girl wished to cover her ears. But there was something wonderful that came out of those cries, those taunts, those insults. Memories. Memories of this happening so many times. Like a crashing wave, she felt them all overflow her. the smiles, the tears, the pain, the happiness, everything- all of it- it all came to her.

She remembered Lev’s constant child-like comments, the innocence despite the amount of carnage the boy had seen was screamed, but also smiled at. His light-hearted smile was enough to bring a small grin to every member, even after the harshest of days. The memories included shouting at his defensive stance, while he would moan that if he could attack the enemy first that it would all be okay. Another included holding him back from fighting a smaller orange haired boy, one that she did not recognise in the slightest.

Another recollection was of Kenma, the boy who remained behind his laptop, snapping commands at them through their earpieces. The constant sarcastic comments about the members would be constant in between commands. He was Nekoma’s control tower, the brain of their whole group.

Then there were snippets of memories with Yaku, the sparring, the steak outs, the fighting alongside each other. They were quite the duo, perfectly in sync with their attacks and defences. She recalled a few times that there were tears between them.

And then there was Nobuyuki, who she remembered patching her up after her injuries. He would help everyone with the face of a concerned mother but would always bring the lightest of smiles with him, one that no one could help but reciprocate.

This was when the tears came flooding in, she could not quite contain the happiness that filled her chest. She remembered Kuroo. She remembered Kuroo alongside her. The times she sat with him while he worked, the times she would spar with him- only to end up with him severely overpowering him, the stolen kisses in their breaks. The strongest memory was the two sat in his office, while she cleaned a wound on his arm, he rested his head softly on her shoulder. The both of them were beleaguered with injuries- their skin broken and burned. And yet, there was a certain lightness to this memory.

It seemed that the rest of the room saw her tears, for every one of them had suddenly fallen quiet, with each of them looking at her with sheepish eyes.

“I’ll get Kuroo.” Kenma scuttled out of the room, leaving the rest of them to deal with the crying girl in front of them, ignoring Lev’s comment about him being busy.

“I’m sorry were we too loud? Your head must hurt.” Nobuyuki’s thick eyebrows arched sympathetically as he knelt in front of the tearful Mai.

“No.” Kai’s words hardly came out as a breath in between her sobs. “No, I’m happy.” She stretched her lips into a shaky smile, moving her hand to wipe her tears on the sleeves of Kuroo’s sweatshirt. “I remember you all.”

There was no describing the sensation in her chest as she admitted that, the relief was the most prevalent emotion, but the happiness was so close behind. Her smile continued as her mind seemed to cry out in sheer contentment. There were still a few gaps in her mind that continued to stab at her, but the joy fought its way past.

There seemed to be a similar smile on everyone’s face, a soft feeling of relief washed over everyone as they were brought to face the girl they all remembered. The girl they had put their faith in for so long.

One person did not seem to hold the same relieved smile, and the owner had only just entered the room as those fated words were spoken. And while the room would have expected this person to be the most cheerful to hear those words, they simply started the cogs in this leader’s mind.

“Yaku. Take Kai around the base. I think she would enjoy seeing everything again.” Those words were apparently all that Kuroo had to say, for he quickly left the room as fast as he had arrived, leaving the majority of the room a little confused. But it left Kai a little disheartened. She wished to tell him that she remembered him, but it seemed he was busy.

Yaku’s smile faulted a little, but he managed to keep it up as he pulled the girl up to show her around the building. They left the room, leaving the rest of them to sit in the sudden questioning that Kuroo’s change had brought.

“So, what did you remember about me? If it’s not too difficult to tell me!” The curiosity gleamed from Yaku’s wide eyes as he frantically waved his hands.

“It’s not a bother. I’m happy to express it.” With her voice still shaking slightly, she walked alongside the boy, another smile on her lips. “I remembered our missions together. I remembered how he fought well together. I also remember being a little better than you.”

“Well now your memories are incorrect, I seem to recall me going easy on you.”

“Is that so?” A teasing tone now laced her words, “I think someone is lying.”

Yaku simply replied with a laugh, as he turned to enter a door off the hallway. “This is the break room, its where most of us spend our time before a mission.”

“I remember, I remember you falling over that bench once.” She pointed at the small blue bench that centred the room, acting more as a table than a bench to the other seats in the room. Most of the rest of the room consisted of shelves and boxes which she was unaware to their content.

“Now that was a memory I wished you had forgotten; I was quite drunk in my defence.”

“You had two drinks, Yaku, you just cannot handle your booze.”

“You are no better!” a scowl now laced his face along with his tone.

“But I didn’t claim to be able to handle my liquor, you did.”

As much as Yaku wanted to tease back, he simply could not. He had believed that the girl in front of him was lost when he saw her within Kuroo’s arms, lifeless and limp, so to see the bright smile she always boasted was beyond heartening. “Yeah, yeah. Next room.”

The two headed to the next room, which he announced to be the meeting room. It was a lot larger than the last and boasted a long table with enough seats for about twenty men. It seemed to be quite dark despite the lights being on. And while the sight of this room did not bring forth many substantial memories, the musky smell was enough for her to recall this being a room for quite intense moments.

The next room that Yaku showed her was the weapons room, he skipped a fair few rooms stating that they were simply storage, and he seemed fairly excited to showcase this room. “This is Taketora’s playroom, as we call it. He is not here at the moment, but you’ll see him soon. He deals with all these weapons. Importing, exporting, you name it! And then it fell to us to train the others to use them.”

There were rows upon rows of boxes in this room, all rammed full of weapons and ammunition. While her body shivered at the thought of all these, her brain seemed to react with wonder and curiosity. As she looked over the weapons her mind was naming each of them, going through how she would go about using them.

“Done?” Yaku motioned for her to leave the room in a bored manner; she had become unaware of the amount of time she had spent admiring the surfeit of weapons.

Yaku led her past a few doors in the next hallway, mentioning them to be bedrooms for the members. There seemed to be more doors than people in the room before, so she assumed there were a few she either could not recall or had not even met.

At the end of this hallway, they were met with an elevator, which Yaku pressed for the next floor down. He no longer attempted to make conversation, aware that the girl had fallen silent in her remarks for a probable reason. He could not even think how she would have felt, he was a little in the dark about how on earth Kuroo had managed to fix her up, and so could not even comprehend what she had been through. The scar on her head was enough evidence to him that she was shot in the head. But there was no way that she could have survived such a blow without intensive surgery, and yet there seemed to be little evidence of such.

His sudden rush of conspiracies kept him quiet as the elevator reached the net floor down, and he was snapped back into his tour mode.

“These are the secret labs, as we like to call them. This is where you will probably find Kuroo if he is not in his office. He works here developing drugs and medicines. Please don’t ask me what kind because I certainly drone out his annoying voice whenever he talks about these drugs. He makes fun of me for not understanding. Just because we didn’t all take chemistry at university.”

The two stepped back into the lift, going down to the next floor. Yaku had a much happier face as he stepped out to this one. “And here is my playground, the training floor.”

The room they stepped out onto was undeniably huge, with the whole floor being taken up by mats and gym equipment. Along the side, there were many targets of varying sizes. And scattered about the room were countless training dummies. She remembered the room well, recalling times that she would spend all day in this room.

“I used to spend a lot of time here, didn’t I?” Her voice hardly spoke up, perhaps because she already knew the answer. But Yaku’s trained ears picked up the question, as he replied with a nod and another of his trademark smiles.

“There were days that me and So would have to drag you out of here just to rest, they seemed to be days that you fell out with Kuroo though.” He placed his finger on his chin, his mind clearly wondering into memories he had.

“Did me and Kuroo fall out often?” Although she had some memories in her mind, she was still struggling with the actual coherence of anything she remembered, pictures simply flashed in her mind at haphazard moments.

The male let out a thoughtful sound before he responded, “Yeah, quite a bit. But you guys were the best when you were together. And I don’t know anyone else that can put Kuroo in his place as much as you.” A chuckle left both of their bodies. “You two were too alike in some ways. Kenma has managed to drag Kuroo out of his office sometimes, but you are the only one that ever succeeds in getting him away from his work.”

There was certainly a teasing tone to Yaku’s comment, but Kai decided to ignore it. For the topic of Kuroo suddenly brought back the questions over his honesty to her. “Yaku, does Kuroo ever lie?”

She was not quite sure what brought her to ask that to Yaku, as much as she wanted to talk to someone, and as much as she thought of Yaku as one of the people she felt the closest to at the moment, she really had only remembered this boy for an hour at the most. Whereas Kuroo had looked after her for the last two days without any complaints about the lack of her memories. And so, she should not even question him, yet she could not scrape the unease she had about his lies before. If he had told such a believable tale over their past together, had anything else been a lie?

“Kuroo? I would not say he lies about anything that isn’t completely necessary. I’ve known him since we were kids, and I never agreed with him on much, but we would always agree that honesty was the best. Give him a bit, I’m sure you recovering has had an effect on him.” He spoke with the simplest of tones, with ease and conviction. If it were not for the small frown on his face as he told her, there would be no denying that he believed wholeheartedly in Kuroo. But the frown told a hundred stories. She wished to press him about the frown, but thought it best not to, she felt guilty enough questioning Kuroo.

The two fell back into silence, Yaku was prodding one of the training figures while Kai’s eyes remained rooted to the floor in guilt. She was fairly embarrassed that she had asked such a question but could not think exactly why.

“You remember how to fight?”

Yaku broke the silence, throwing a roll of bandages to the girl when her eyes turned to look at him. he had already wrapped his own hands. His cheeky grin had returned as he motioned to the mats to his right. “I’ll go easy on you, don’t worry, but don’t think I’m going to let you win.”

Her negativity had rushed away, replaced with the increasing interest of if she did remember how to fight. While her body seemed to be unsure of how to fight in the slightest, her mind was already listing movements to do. It seemed that her mind was far more confident than her body.

“Don’t be too embarrassed when I beat you, then.” Kai returned the bold smirk, she took off Kuroo’s jumper to be left in her t-shirt and joggers before she wrapped her own hands. To her slight surprise, she remembered how to wrap them, and so it was not more than three minutes before she stood in front of Yaku, arms raised in a defensive position. Her fists curled naturally, preparing to aim a blow at his face as soon as they started.

“Alright, first one to restrain the other wins.” Yaku assumes his stance before taking a deep breath. His lips curled into a smile, “Go.”

Her brain came into full force as she brought her legs around to dodge the incoming kick. Yaku had spun around to create a large amount of force, but it left his body a little unstable. Kai managed to grab his ankle, stopping it before it came into contact with her body, before heaving it over to cause further unbalance. But it seemed Yaku would not be unhinged, for he dropping to the floor to roll out of her hold, only standing when he was a good few foot away from her.

There was not much of a pause before he lunged at her again, this time bringing his fist forward to aim for her shoulder. her body reacted to grab his wrist again, pulling him down so she had clear access to the back of his neck, aiming a sharp hit there. He let out a pained huff, before scrambling back from the girl. “You’ve still got it, annoyingly.”

“And you still suck.” The girl smirked before charging at Yaku, lowering her body as to swing a kick to the back of his legs. Yaku reacted far faster than before, jumping up to avoid the swing but skilfully grabbing the outstretched leg with his hands, successfully unbalancing her before he brought another hand to her stomach, applying a great deal of force there.

She stumbled back, her breaths struggling with the sudden pain. She let an animalistic growl escape her lips as she lunged at him once more. Their swipes and plunges continued, with each of them placing successful blows to one another, and after only a couple of minutes the two of them were panting with their injuries.

Yaku had successfully pinned Kai down once, which she had only been able to get out of by twisting her arm in an inhuman way, leaving it possibly dislocated. But she did not feel the pain of it, rather she found it annoying that she could no longer use the arm. She had managed to cause quite the damage to Yaku’s face, as he now had a rather bloody nose that he kept pinching between attacks. But for now, they were revelling in the fact that they could catch their breaths.

It was after a few inhales that Yaku suddenly burst into laughter. So much so that he fell to the floor clutching his stomach. Kai had not expected such an action, so remained stood there with a shocked expression whilst the male rolled around on the mat in fits of giggles.

“Have you gone mad?” Kia’s voice came out in stammers, still affected by the suddenness of his laugher.

To respond, Yaku pulled himself up with a beam, holding his thumb up to the girl. “I’m just laughing at how much I had missed fighting with you. The others just don’t pose so much of a challenge. I must be some kind of masochist!” and again he fell back in laughter. The melodic sound echoed around the lofty room, creating such a symphony of Yaku’s laughter’s, she could not help but join, allowing small giggles to leave her mouth.

They laughed longer than they had fought, all while a certain man watched their actions. He had seen the fight and was rather pleased with how it had been going until they fell into childish laughter. But it was nice, to hear such a sound, he would have to admit.

“Yeah, I’ve definitely missed this.” The brown-haired boy pulled himself up, smearing tears from his eyes as well. She only now realised how beat his face was, she had done quite the number on it. She imagined her face was also quite bruised, especially from the pain she was feeling on her right cheek, she was painfully aware that she had been tasting blood for most of their fight.

“I did not think you could get any worse Yaku,” a familiar provoking voice called from the entrance, “The Kitten well and truly had you a few times there, and she’s been off for months. Should I be upping your training?” With a sneering smirk, the bedhead strode into the room, offering his hand out to pick the girl off her resting position on the floor.

“Eh, I was going easy on her.” A pout now painted Yaku’s face, “anyway I’ll leave you guys be, make sure to get your arm looked at, Kai.” And with a wave over his shoulder, he limped off towards the lift.

“You’ve still got it; I have to say I’m impressed.” Kuroo still had a smirk on his lips as he pulled the girl up. She merely responded with a little laugh, unaware of what to respond to that. “I should be scolding you for not resting though, it’s fairly reckless to fight after you only recovered yesterday.” He certainly did not hold the face of someone who was worried, for his face seemed to scream out with pride. “What hurts?”

As she pointed to her right arm, Kuroo gently ran his hand over the shoulder, feeling where there was damage. Once she winced at his touch, he pursed his lips, muttering something about it being dislocated. Kuroo reached out for the jumper she had discarded on the floor and put it in the gap between her arm and her chest. “We will go see what Nobuyuki can do about this, the last time I tried to fix my own dislocated shoulder I ended up tearing a ligament.”

He held her other hand before they headed to the lift. Kai wished to tell him about the memories she had recalled, but for some reason her body would not allow her to speak. Rather, she just meekly looked down at her feet. It seemed that Kuroo noticed this, and so when they were within the lift, he raised his hand to rub her hair, “something the matter?”

Her body finally allowed her to respond, as she let out a shaky negative response without even raising her eyes. There was a mere moment of silence before her chin was roughly brought up, so her eyes were level with his darkened ones.

“Why do I get the feeling you’re lying to me, kitten.”

There was no doubt that his gaze made her blood run cold. Her body froze in what could only be described as fear. And this confused her, she had only just recalled so many fond memories of Kuroo, the kind of memories that should have made her feel even more comfortable with the male. And yet, her body just seemed to freeze at his touch, while her mind seemed to be screaming reasons why she should not be so scared of him.

“I-“ she opened her mouth to explain her dilemma to him, deciding that it was the only thing that her body would allow. But she would not be able to word her concerns, for as soon as the lift opened, Kuroo had left go of her chin, and dragged her back along the corridor. He did not allow another chance for any speech, for her put her in a room that she did not recognise from Yaku’s speech.

The room was nearly completed shrouded in darkness, with only the lamp on the desk permitting any kind of light. There were many boxes behind the box, all stacked randomly and without any form of order. The same applied to the desk, with a stack of papers shrewn over the wooden surface with no desire for neatness. She struggled to see how this room was owned by the same man that kept the flat so neat, but then there were no possessions to keep neat there.

Kai did not have much time to scrutinise the chaotic state of the room, for her body found itself being pressed against the wall by her left arm. It was not a particularly strong force, but it was enough for a shocked cry to escape her mouth. Her face was met with Kuroo’s cheerless one close to her own as he rephrased the words from before, “were you lying to me then Kitten?”

There was an unexplainable flash of anger in his eyes that flashed above the darkness of the room, sending her heart into a fit of fear. He pushed her body further into the wall, until her right shoulder was screaming out in pain, and she herself let out a small cry of pain.

“Well?” he showed no sign of stopping his pressure until she answered but found it completely unnecessary for the knowledge she was about to tell him, especially when it scared her body into freezing up.

“I-“ she started again but was cut off by a squeak of pain as Kuroo used his other hand to press on another bruise she had on her stomach. “I remembered some s-stuff.”

His eyebrows raised slightly as he thought about his next move. He had to be careful, for he did not know exactly what she had remembered, but from the scared look in her eyes, he could only assume the worse. “’Stuff’ is rather vague, princess, I seem to remember you being better with words.” His voice continued to be cold, laced with rage.

“Memories,” she continued to struggle with her words, especially from the increasing pain from her shoulder and his iron press on her stomach. “Memories of Nekoma.”

He did not respond but pressed more on her injuries in a clear sign of getting her to continue.

“Flights and training, that’s all. And…” She knew exactly what she originally wanted to say, she wanted to tell Kuroo about the fond recollections she had of him, but with her sudden fear of him she was afraid to admit that just a mere hour ago she was simply infatuated by him. Her mind ended up making the decision for her, for before she could even react, she had said it. “And I remember you, I remember you looking after me.” His grasp on her suddenly loosened, but it did not disappear completely.

“And?” the anger in his voice had dispersed slightly, replaced with desperation.

“And I remember relying on you, trusting you.” Tears formed in her eyes as she continued to ramble. “I remember us sharing the same dream, waking up in the same bed, working hard together.” Her voice tremored with sadness as she attempted to hold back her tears, sudden emotions ruptured in her chest as she recalled all of those memories. And a sudden pitifulness rose when she looked at Kuroo’s desperate gaze. She raised her left hand to his face, holding his cheek ever so lightly in her palm, “But most of all, I remember that I loved you.”

It was with those words that all the anger disappeared from Kuroo’s eyes, replaced with a sudden edge of despondency and distress. Kai could have sworn she started to see tears in his eyes. It was not long until Kuroo let go of her shoulder, instead bringing her head to rest on his chest, and his hand rubbing circles into her back. She brought her functioning hand around his torso to grip onto his shirt, before she let the tears go, and she sobbed into his shirt.

It was difficult for her to tell of these tears here from the happiness of telling Kuroo how she felt, and what she remembered, or if it was the sudden freedom from Kuroo’s rigid grip towards a far more tender one. If only she had managed to differentiate them here, she may have saved herself a lot of heartaches.

“You shouldn’t say things like that to me, after I was so horrible to you.” He brought a hand to rest in her hair as he nuzzled his nose into it. His touch was far softer than before, perhaps in the regret of what he had done. She wondered if he was always like this, while her memories were rather happy- perhaps he had always been a little tough like this.

“But you told me to.” She responded with a small laugh. Of course, she realised the denseness of her answer, so she softened by nestling into his chest more. He also let out a dry chuckle, sending his warm breath into her hair. They remained in each other’s arms for a few moments, enjoying the warmth of each other whilst Kai let out her last tears.

When her tears subsided, Kuroo gently nudged her back, allowing him to have full sight of her tear stained face. He wiped them away, but to not much luck for they had dried to her face.

“I’m sorry.” His voice was far quieter than before, laced with a sadness that Kai could not even comprehend. “I’m sorry I let my stress out on you,” there was another pause while he brought her hand to his lips, pressing it to them. “You did not deserve that.” there was a shake in his voice as he spoke, one that pressed guilt into her heart.

“Don’t worry about it, you did not do this to me, so you don’t have to feel bad. I’ll be back to normal soon.” While she said this in the hope of cheering him up, reassuring him that it would be okay, it seemed to have no effect. For he still held the small frown and creased brows that she hated to see. Kai brought her stable hand to his forehead, using her thumb to soothe his lined eyebrows. This softened his expression into a small smile. “There you are.”

They smiled at each other, before Kuroo put a light kiss on her forehead and let her go. “Come, we need to get that arm looked at,” pointing down at her arm, before heading to the door.

With a sudden rush of confidence, she found herself grabbing Kuroo by the wrist, spinning him around to face her once more, leaving his eyes to widen at the swiftness of her actions. She paused a second before she pulled his shirt down, bringing his head closer to her own before she kissed him. She pulled him closer, before looping her around his neck. He reciprocated the kiss, wrapping his own arms around her waist, before the rested them on her bum. Kai found herself smiling against his lips, which only allowed his tongue to intrude her mouth.

The two melts into each other’s touch, the innocent touches turning into a festering desire to be as close to one another as physically possible. It was not until Kuroo’s grip on her shoulder was a little rough for the dislocation to deal with, leading her to yelp out in pain, that the two let go of each other.

“Now we need to get this fixed so we can do that again, properly.” She blushed at the statement, leading him to chuckle once more, lowing his face to send a teasing smirk to her once more, “you act innocent, but it was you that started that.”

Yes, she had surely started to remember her feelings for Kuroo, but there was a fine line between love and fear, one that she was going to cross many times, and struggle between. It would seem her brain and her body had different ideas between the two.

The two remained silent bar a few comments on their way back to the break room, where they found Yaku squirming under Nobuyuki’s touch, it seemed he was doing something to his face.

“Took you long enough,” upon hearing then enter, Nobuyuki turned to gesture at a chair to the right of him. “Sit, I hear you are injured.”

After a few moments of holding back laughter at Yaku’s squeals, it was Kai’s turn to wither under Nobuyuki’s less than gentle touch as he analysed her shoulder.

“You are lucky, it seems no tissue had been torn, so I will just have to drug you up and slot your arm back in.” Nobuyuki scowled down at her while he analysed her shoulder. “Trust you to get injured first fight back, you broke Yaku’s nose too.”

“Those two never did know how to hold back.” Shohei sighed behind Kenma, who had paid far much more attention to his laptop than the rest of the room.

“That or they are just terrible fighters.” Kenma now muttered under his breath, but it did not go unnoticed by the leader, who only laughed.

“Now, now, can we just not ravel in the fact that Nekoma is finally back to the well-oiled machine it had been. We have got the brain,” he gestured over to the pudding-head, “and now we have everyone to act as blood, carrying the oxygen around the body. There is no one that can possibly stop us now.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is so late, I am recovering from a nasty concussion -_-.  
> Hope y'all safe :)  
> and i hope you are all reading the chapter summaries... wonder who is gonna get my hints first ;)


	4. Hippocampus: Part three.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The metaphor is perhaps one of man's most fruitful potentialities. Its efficacy verges on magic, and it seems a tool for creation which God forgot inside one of His creatures when He made him.  
> \- Jose Ortega Gasset

When Kai opened her eyes, her body felt a little fuzzy. There was a certain stiffness to her right shoulder, that shot a massive amount of pain throughout her body as she pushed herself up. Her eyes were met with the bedroom of the flat, in all of his emptiness.

Her hands clutched at the blanket in hopes of dispelling some of the pain as she pulled herself out of the bed. Her shoulder now felt slightly numb, along with her head, but her arm was now able to be moved without restriction. She assumed that Nobuyuki had fixed the dislocation but was unaware as to how she had gotten home.

Kai headed to the main room, hoping to find Kuroo and figure out if he had taken her home, but she was not met by him in there, rather she was met by three others. She recognised two to be Yaku and Lev, and the other crowed a blonde dyed mohawk of sorts, along with short, thick eyebrows, giving him rather the intimidating appearance. This certainly was the case when he looked over at her with an annoyed expression.

“Kai! You are awake!” Yaku stepped forward to her, his patched-up nose making his already small face look a lot smaller. “How you feeling?”

“Stiff.” She muttered, glancing around the flat once more, “I’m making coffee.”

“Oh, I’ll have one please!” The silver haired Russian shouted up, waving his hand up as if he were a student towards their teacher.

“Don’t pretend that you like that stuff, you would only drink it will seven spoons of sugar in it.” The shorter male snapped back, before telling Kai to ignore Lev’s comments and heading into kitchen area with her. “The others just went to the shops, Kuroo does not have enough food in here for all of us.”

“The others?” Kai asked between her yawns, filling the kettle with a struggle at the unresponsiveness of her right arm.

Yaku wordlessly took over from her, carrying the full kettle with ease, “Kuroo, Kenma and Nobuyuki. The rest stayed at the base to work, but Mondays are usually our strategy days, if you don’t remember.”

She hummed in response, she was unaware at the concept of these ‘ _strategy days_ ’ that Yaku spoke of, and curiosity did mess with her as she pondered over what they could be. she did wonder if they were the meetings that they usually had in the meeting room Yaku showed her, as well as the one in her memories, rather than in Kuroo’s home.

“They’ll be back soon; Nobuyuki wants to check on your arm before we start anyway.” Yaku continued to make her coffee, pouring in the coffee granules rather than using spoon, which led her chuckle. “You have it ridiculously strong; I would be here all day if I tried to use a spoon.”

He was quite right, for her herself did the same. It took about three spoonsful of coffee to make the perfect beverage, and so it made so much more sense to pour out a small heap of granules rather than labouring with the spoon. She was still smiling to herself as she went into the fridge for the milk, seeing that Yaku was quite right about the content of the fridge. It seemed that most of the food that Kuroo and her had bought only two days ago had all been eaten.

After Yaku had made her coffee to her liking, they headed back to the sofas were Lev and the other were sat around, shouting over something that she wished not to know about.

“Oh, you did not see Yamamoto yesterday, did you? Do you remember him?”

The mohawk clad man snapped his head around to look at her, with the same slightly threatening expression. It was this expression that she recalled the memory she had yesterday, of the same man practically screaming with happiness at his weapons room. “Oh yeah, its Tora, right?”

With that comment, he suddenly looked a little deflated, “I hoped you forgotten that nickname, I had managed to get everyone but you and Kenma to stop calling me that.”

She let out another chuckle before she patted the guy on the head, “I would never forget.”

His daunting expression suddenly turned a lot softer, as an embarrassed blush spread across his cheeks, which was immediately picked up by Lev who laughed at him, “Ha, Yamamoto you still can’t talk to girls!”

“Shut up you string bean!”

And this was how they fell back into their earlier argument, which both Kai and Yaku successfully drowned out with their own meaningless conversation. It was only when their conversation got remotely difficult to hear over Lev’s screeches that Yaku eventually kicked the boy behind the knees.

“Oh, how I wish you had an off button.”

“I do have an on button though.”

“Keep it in your pants you two.” A teasing shout came from Tora, who giggled at the sudden angered expression aimed at him from Yaku.

“Oho? Are the love-birds fighting again?” A certain bedhead came into the room, with Nobuyuki in close pursuit, and Kenma- who looked as though he wished to be anywhere but with them all. He allowed another laugh to follow, before putting the bags of food on the table. Kai stood herself up to start to help with the bags, her stiff shoulder completely forgotten by this point.

“Morning kitten,” Kuroo came up behind her, wrapping his arms around her waist again as she was organising the content of the shopping. “How’s the battle wounds?”

“They are fine, did you bring me home last night?” she continued with the shopping, not even sparing him a look, knowing that he would tease her for the light paint of colour on her cheeks.

“Sure did, you curled up to me like a little cat, purring away-“

He continued to teasingly describe how she slept like a cat while the others in the room, as well as her, inwardly cringed at the comments. Kenma very outwardly pulled an expression of disgust at the leader’s words.

“Alright that’s enough, I get it I’m like a cat.” Kai wriggled out of the bedheads hold as she carried the new bottle of milk and some fruit juice to the fridge. Close on her heels was Kuroo, who had picked up the bag of vegetables she had sorted.

They silently followed each other, escaping the watching eyes of the people by the sofas, who now continued with their own conversations. Mai opened the fridge, letting the cool air hit her blushing face. She almost wished to put her whole head in the fridge. She was blissfully unaware before about the attraction that she had to Kuroo, but with the memories of yesterday, she had become painfully aware of the lure that he held.

As she was revelling in the coolness of the fridge, a warm hand crept around her waist again, with a familiar person resting their head in her shoulder. “You didn’t say good morning to me, I am hurt.”

She was about to respond with a sarcastic remark when her voice got trapped. Kuroo had moved his lips down to her shoulder, planting a soft kiss there. His innocent action soon turned, as his hands crept under her t-shirt, and his teeth grazed her skin. The heat of his hands on her stomach led her to an involuntary shiver. Heat rose throughout her body, and she was suddenly grateful for the coolness of the fridge hitting her blushing face.

Kuroo’s lips brushed away from her shoulder, tracing along her neck to settle with a nip at her ear lobe, before returning back with sloppy kisses. His hand did not stay still either, raising up under her shirt, softly tracing the edges of her bra. Her body moulded back into his chest, a shaky breath leaving her lips.

The two of them had long forgotten the presence of the rest of Nekoma, but their movements were hidden by the open fridge door. Not that Kuroo even cared, as he moved his hand under the girl’s bra, his gentle touches moving towards something more sensuous, desiring the girl to squirm under his touch. Which she did, her breath came out in a deep sigh, and her body curved to press herself into his hand.

He took this chance to press more, before bringing his lips once more to her ears. “Are you going to tell me good morning then?” As he spoke, he placed the vegetables he was still carrying in the fridge, before pulling his other hand to cup her other breast. His lips went back to tracing her neck, nipping at her skin as he did.

Her body was shuddering at the feeling of his skin on hers, and a small pit of anticipation pooled in her stomach. She wished that she could just candidly say good morning to him, as she needed not to let him win. But he had her like putty in his arms, melting into every little touch, that she knew if she opened her mouth that he would win.

At her silence, one of his hands left her chest, wandering lower slowly. She was so lost in his touches, that she did not notice Kuroo’s nomadic hand until it was creeping under the waistband of her joggers, causing her body to tense up. She knew she had to speak up soon or else Kuroo would have her pining while the others were merely a room away. She attempted to compose herself while Kuroo’s hand descended lower, she held her breath before she spoke out a breathless ‘good morning’. Then as quickly as his hands had found her, they disappeared, his lips did not leave her ear until he said his final words to her, “Good girl.”

After her unsuccessful attempt as remaining composed, her cheeks reddened in a mixture of anger and embarrassment. She hated how she simply did exactly what Kuroo wanted, and she knew she was not quiet enough that the others would not have heard something.

“Don’t leave the fridge door open, you’ll waste the cold air.” She turned in her blushing form to face Kuroo, who wore his usual shit-eating grin.

At that point, she needed to put her head in the freezer, along with his.

“Shut up.” Kai closed the fridge with some force, before moving to place the rest of the shopping in the cupboards, hiding her face away from Kuroo. Knowing that her current flushing state would only enlarge the man’s already brimming ego, and she refused to play ball.

To her surprise, he did not continue to tease her, rather he turned to grab a jumper from the pile of laundry waiting to be put away and chuck it towards her, stated that she was cold, so she needed to wear that. And without removing his smug expression, he turned back to head into the main room.

Kai’s cheeks continued to flare a vibrant red, so bright she could see it in the reflection of the window across from her. embarrassment was the most felt emotion as she continued to pack the food away, as well as disappointment at herself for doing exactly what Kuroo wanted.

“Kai.” A much kinder voice broke her out of her trace, and she turned to see Nobuyuki standing at the kitchen entrance. “Morning, how is your shoulder?”

“Much better, and I suppose I have you to thank for that.” With a smile, she placed the final packet of rice away, before turning to face Nobuyuki.

“Just doing my job, would you mind if I check it?” She allowed him to feel over her shoulder and move it around. To her luck, it seemed that he had fixed it up well. “All good, but please try not to do that again, Yaku may be small but he can really do damage to those he is fighting. The meeting is about to start, come sit.”

She nodded, before grabbing the hoodie that Kuroo had left her, putting it on as she followed Nobuyuki into the main room. As she entered, Kuroo taped at the arm of the armchair he sat at, still clad with his trademark smirk. Trying her best to maintain a neutral expression, she sat on the arm of the chair that Kuroo was sat on, and the rest of them took a seat on the sofas.

There were a few moments of noise while people finished their final words of chatter, some reaching for their snacks or drinks before settling into their seats before finally setting their eyes to Kuroo, waiting. The leader remained quiet, before he finally sat up in the seat,

“Okay, so Kenma found a trace of Shiratorizawa on the servers last night, apparently their hacker is poking around a few groups to try and find a new target, or so it seems that way. We would suppose they would attack Aobajohsai, both based on their history and the fact that they are the best to attack for intel.”

There was a small hum from the rest of them, while Kai felt completely lost. She had no recollection on the names of who she assumed to be rival gangs, and so while Kuroo was spouting theory about why Shiratorizawa was in their servers last night, she was still trying to recall them.

“Now as to why they may be aiming at us, we must assume it’s our products, we did spread out sales into their area a month ago, so it could be an attempt at watching where we are selling.” Kuroo turned to Kenma, who was still tapping away on his laptop, gesturing for him to show a map and graph tracking both groups sales. “They focus on cocaine sales, meaning that we should not really be their target since we don’t sell much of it. But their sales have fallen rapidly since our new stuff hit their area.”

“Yes, and their weapon sales quickly fell after Karasuno crashed the market. There are not many who know Karasuno’s intention, so many still buy from them.” Kenma piped in, before putting the laptop on the table in front of him. “What I found interesting was that they did not seem to target Karasuno at all, when they are technically their biggest threat.”

“Ushijima never does anything without a reason, so there must be something stopping him from tagging Karasuno. Do you think they know?” Yaku now joined in, placing a finger on his chin while he thought. Mai only now noticed how beaten his hands looked, and most of those bruises could not have been from only yesterday.

“Beef-balls would never let them remain working if he knew though.” Lev stated languidly, “And Semi is a good enough hacker not to leave a trace if he did not want to be found.”

“For once you said something logical, but ‘beef-balls’, really?” Yaku pulled a disappointed face before the two erupted into insults between them.

“Lev is right, Semi wanted us to know that we are being watched. Which is why we could just take it as a warning, and nothing else.” Kuroo talked over the fighting pair, “but I feel as though that is just too simple. As Lev says, they would not do anything without reason.”

“The most interesting thing that I found in my investigation was that Shiratorizawa seems to have a lot of funds coming in from matters other than their sales. It’s quite a large amount, and so I do worry that we are overlooking something.”

“What could be making a lot of money other than drugs and weapon sales though?” Yamamoto spoke up for the first time in their meeting, pulling a confused expression whilst the others all pulled blank ones.

“Could be trafficking? As far as I am aware Johenzei and Inarizaki are the only ones to focus on that.” Nobuyuki broke the silence, which was responded with a few hums of agreement from the rest of the room.

“Johenzei has Fukurodani as their hitmen, essentially, so I would doubt that anyone has the guts to compete with them in this close a proximity though.” Kuroo interjected, settling back in the chair with a thoughtful look, then aimed his response to Nobuyuki. “But perhaps it would be a good idea to look into what they are doing.”

“It would not hurt; do we know anyone else with their eyes on their movements?”

“I suppose Oikawa will have someone watching them, but apart from that, there is hardly anyone with the balls to watch them.”

Kenma took his laptop back, typing away, commenting about trying to find out who from Aobajohsai would be watching.

“But so what if they see us?” Lev broke in, earning another blow to the back of the head from Yaku. “I only mean because we are not stepping on Aobajohsai’s toes, are we? Its only Karasuno that we have to worry about seeing us.”

“It scares me when I have to agree with Lev, makes me think I am wrong.” Kenma remarked from behind the laptop. Yaku cheered along with Yamamoto, producing a very upset Lev.

With a laugh, Kuroo interjected the remarks, “So we shall go and watch Shiratorizawa then? If that is the case I want Yaku, Lev and So on the job. You guys can blend into the background and tag a few of their more active members. Kenma who are we tagging?”

“I’ve got eyes on Semi already based on his activity, but I do not have any information on what Tsutomu Goshiki, Kenjiro Shirabu, Satori Tendo and Taichi Kawanishi are doing.”

“Then we need one more person.”

“I can go-“ Yamamoto spoke in, raising his hand, only to be interrupted by a sharp disagreement from Kuroo, Yaku and Nobuyuki. “Why!”

“Because last time you went undercover you managed to get found in the first five minutes, just because you exploded when Kenma called you Tora.”

Kuroo sounded tired by this point and Mai, who had simply been sitting and observing for the most of this conversation, turned to give him an encouraging smile. Kuroo returned the gesture, rubbing a hand over his face before going back to discuss who they would not be tagging.

“What if Kai tagged someone?”

This comment of Levs led to everyone starring at Kuroo, whose eyes were locked on Lev’s in frustration. Even Mai looked at Lev with the expression of a deer in the headlights. She would possibly be happy to help if it were not for the fact that she knew nothing about anyone they spoke about.

“She only just woke up two days ago, I’m not about to send her on a mission while she’s still recovering.” The words that came out of the bedheads mouth were laced with annoyance, and Kai could only imagine that he was irritated that his plan was not going to work.

“But she fought with shorty yesterday, so she can surely do surveillance?” the silver-haired man commented in a quiet voice before he yelped at the jab from Yaku.

He did have a point, she could probably tag someone easily, and just report everything. She rubbed her elbow, suddenly feeling the glances that Nekoma was sending her.

“He has a point.” Nobuyuki deliberated, receiving a quick click of the tongue from Kuroo. “She simply has to follow one of them, give her the one we think will not be doing much and have Kenma direct her. She did it before.”

“ _She_ did yeah, but not now.” With the greatest emphasis on the word ‘she’, and the darkest of glares, Kuroo ended the conversation, and no one mentioned Mai’s involvement again. they instead returned to plan how they were going to watch their targets.

While Kai wished to listen and contribute to the plans being made, she was useless. And she hated that. While Kuroo and the others had something to input, she simply sat by Kuroo, sending the occasional glance his way between staring at her hands. There was no use in her being at this meeting, nor did there seem to be any point of her belonging in Nekoma in the slightest.

Yaku and Kuroo had both reiterated that she was the best fighter of the group, along with the best trainer, how was that useful for this? Mai had been absent from Nekoma for a while, it seemed, and it had hardly sunk in her absence. So, just how useful was she actually?

She could not help but sigh at her hopeless feelings, knowing that they were beyond futile. If she worried then she would become more of dead weight to Kuroo, and she did not wish for that.

Her eyes remained on her hands as she tried to think about the name Shiratorizawa. Drowning out the voices of the men around her, she recalled another. It was far deeper than any in the room she was in, and it initiated far more of a feared response than any others.

_“Once more.”_

_Her hands were curled into the ground, and her body was shaking beyond exhaustion. There was only so much of this one could take, and this was far more than anyone should have ever endured._

_“I said once more!”_

_With those harsh words, she pushed herself up. Her eyes were met with a punching bag, one so beaten and abused that it had started to lose its shape. But it had not lost to her hands, they showed the signs of causing some of the damage to the bag, and she felt it. The ache that sparked up her entire arm was enough to cause her to cry out, and with every movement, it only increased in its agony._

_It was not just her movements that were painful, even her breathing was laborious, her windpipe throbbing with every single intake of breath. Her lungs also screamed with every single attempt they made to bring oxygen into her body. There was no describing the agony she was in._

_With the hollowest of cries, she continued to punch at the bag. Her actions were amateurish, with the slovenliest punches, but it was all her body could handle, for if she were to do much more, it would surely give out. The onlookers knew this, they knew that she was about to break, but that was exactly what they wanted._

_For she was their experiment._

_The onlooker wrinkled his nose at the girl's dishevelled form, feeling a sudden pang of disgust at just how careless her hits were. She was a far better fighter then this, for she had years of experience. And so, to see her belittled to these sloppy moved was far from comforting._

_It was not much longer until the girl fell back to her knees, but unlike before he knew that she would not be getting back up. And that was what he needed._

_“Pick her up.”_

_If there was anything worse then the pain she was in now, it was what was to follow. She went through the same thing every week. Her body would be beaten to the point of near-death, and then by the end of the week, she felt as though she had never been injured, only to go through this rigorous matter again._

_As her limp body was picked up by one of the onlookers, she felt herself being carried towards that dreaded room. That room that she never wished to see the inside of._

_She pleaded her body to fall unconscious now, to just collapse so she would not feel the pain of this room again, but it would just not obey. Rather it pleaded her to run away, sending a sudden rush of energy to flee from the scene. This of course was noticed by her captor, who spoke to the other about how they can push her more next time, to which she may have cried at if she had the energy to do so._

_With the least gentle of manoeuvres, she was placed on a bed, and just like every time she was hooked up to so many things that her body could deal with. She had no idea what they did to her here, but there was certainly a blood transfusion happening, as well as the injection of a few other things she assumed to be drugs. But she knew one thing, and that was that none of them was painkillers._

_“Rank your pain from one to ten, one being the most painful.”_

_“Three, don’t recommend.”_

_With a dry chuckle, the olive haired man stared down at the girl, “So five out of ten, you can do more next time then.”_

_She decided to ignore that comment, particularly since she felt a vast desire to scream at him that her pain was defiantly worse than a three out of ten, which would not be appreciated, and also since her body was finally giving in to darkness._

_But there never was darkness when she lay there, never totally. Although she would have accepted it with open arms, it never came. She was instead stuck in the constant awakening to a sharp sensation of pain in her chest. and if that did not wake her up, she could always trust someone to shake her awake._

_They would test her at different times, ask her how much pain she felt, tested if she was cognitively functional, and finally checked her reflexes. She never quite knew if she was passing or failing these tests, but she learnt not to care, rather just letting her body go numb leaving them to do what they wished with her body._

_There was one individual that she noticed more than the others, a certain copper-haired male with uneven parting. He would test her more than the others, that or his hair was just more recognisable than theirs. But she remembered him more than the others, partially because he always seemed to take longer to test her._

_He would take her blood tests twice, he would test her reflexes twice, he would do everything twice with no error, whilst the others simply did it once. She never found out if it was a sheer mistake that he did it twice, or if he truly meant to do so. not that it mattered, it still hurt the same._

_Another great difference about him to the others was that he spoke to her. Much like the olive haired man, he was not a man of many words, and he got her to speak more than he did himself. But there was one conversation that he spoke more than one line to her._

_Her body had had enough, and with the sudden transfusion of bloo,d it was shaking in agony. She cried, she howled in pain, but there were no sounds to come out of the girl’s mouth. only the breathless cries of questioning could be heard, and even then, it was hardly a whisper._

_“Why me?”_

_She did not desire a response, but he gave one to her, and those words were the reason she recalled this memory._

_“You are to make Shiratorizawa proud.”_

Her eyes returned to her hands, seeing them clutching onto the hem of the jumper she wore. She was back in the flat, surrounded by the hum of conversation of Nekoma. A much nicer sound than the voices before. Yet there was a certain edge to the sound, something that made her ears hurt.

She remained blissfully unaware of the fact that what she had just imagined was a memory, for she thought she was remembering the knowledge of someone going through that. But this blissful ignorance lead to the most wonderful of deductions.

“But we need to find out what they are doing, we can’t be more than two steps behind them.” the familiar tone of Nobuyuki spoke out. He seemed to be the voice of reason in all of this, settling the rowdy children of Nekoma with ease.

There was a simple hum in response to his comment, and nothing else. Leaving Kai with the sudden desire to tell them what she remembered, for she thought that her idea may have been right.

With the knowledge that they were experimenting on a human, there may have beena reason to believe that they were dealing with the organ trade. The setup that came to her head was hardly anything that one would not use for medical use. And the sheer amount of money coming into their funding was enough to imagine there being some form of goods sales.

She debated just telling Kuroo to the side in case what she said was just purely speculation that would not be appreciated in front of the entirety of Nekoma.

And yet, while her brain was debating telling them, it seemed that she already had.

“What if Shiratorizawa are in the organ trade market?”

If the looks that Lev were given when he mentioned Mai going into the field could have been copied and pasted on to their faces, now would be the time that was done. Their expressions teetered perfectly between confusion and distaste, exactly the pitiful expression that she did not desire to be faced her way.

She felt as though she was going back into herself, getting smaller and smaller the more eyes that were on her. But it was not until a certain set of disappointed eyes fell on her that she really felt insignificant.

Kai had to remember that she was not really a part of all this, she was an outsider, she was not really part of Nekoma. She was simply Kuroo’s and that was it. there was nothing else that she was good for. It was simply convenient that she could fight and train others, but she was not part of this. She had no right to comment.

Kuroo sat up, enough so that she had no way of seeing his face. There was an indescribable feeling of humiliation building inside of her at what he must have thought of her, so she remained completely silent as Kuroo continued the meeting. She no longer entertained listened, maintaining the look at her hands. There was a large part of her that wanted to just go sit in the kitchen, thinking that she never should have been in this meeting in the first place.

“I think we need to consider Kai’s point,” Kenma’s voice reigned over her silent degradations, despite its quietness. “It’s a large sum of money they are getting here, and its constant. There is no one else that specialises in this, so there is a chance she’s right.”

This cued the return of the side eye glances towards the girl, the glares that sent her heart into a stress. She hated the looks she got, but she was not to know that their looks were not only aimed at her, but also Kuroo.

His facial expression was never to be known by the girl, and perhaps if she had seen it, there may have been a diffrent emotion arising within her.

“Kai, would you mind letting chat with the guys in private.” His voice hardly showed any emotion, not that it ever did, but there was a certain edge of this tone that was so devoid of emotion, so empty, that she feared it. So much so that she almost sprinted out of the room, with no glance back to see the eyes that followed her out.

“I don’t think that was necessary Kuroo.”

With her back to the door of the bedroom, there was no stopping her from hearing the words of the medic. As much as she wished to burry her head into the pillows of the bed and try to forget the looks that were upon her. their looks felt as bad as physical touches upon her skin, marking every single inch of her in their judgements.

“No, it was perfectly necessary.” The voice of Kuroo bounded through the walls, and its harshness was felt as though it was spoken right in front of her.

“She used to come of surveillance jobs with us all the time, and this would hardly be a dangerous one, would it not be the best way to get her back into the field?” There was a starkness to that voice, she assumed it to be Kenma, being ever so rational from behind his laptop screen.

“Its not that. It’s that she shouldn’t. Just leave it, I’ll decide when she comes back to the field.”

And with his final comment, they went back to their meeting, carrying on with their discussion. And the feeling of uselessness tripled in size. The eyes were upon her again, and they were relentless. Their prods and jabs left her body shaking in fear.

She managed to take a step forwards, but it was futile, as her body had already started to shut down. There was hardly any energy left within her as she slid down the back of the door.

The looks of the olive haired man were back, but this time they were aimed at her. they were watching every single movement she made, every shake of fear that overcame her body. She was now the one on that hospital bed.

She should not have felt that way, she knew that, it was silly to think that she was the one suffering when she was plainly embarrassed. There was no need for her to feel like this, and certainly, no need for her to feel the glances of the lab coat-clad man, for she was not the subject of them.

The ringing sensation returned to her head, the aches of her body continued to pull her further into tears, until she was almost shaking with each silent cry that escaped from her body. Her heart pounded with unspeakable pain, leading her further and further into the darkness. Mai’s body fell forwards, leaving her to wither around on the floor in her struggles.

There were eyes everywhere, some on her body, some on her mind. They were everywhere.

She allowed herself to fall, not that she could have stopped herself anyway, the looks were over taking her, absorbing her, destroying her. There would be nothing of her left, and she would accept that, for the pain would finally subside.

In all her darkness, there was a small amount of lightness. There was one set of eyes that shone over the rest of them. despite their darkness in colour, they beamed against the darkness, sending the lightest ray of hope for her aching body.

_“Mai, are you alright?”_

The softest of voices, the kindest of tones, an ambiance of security washed over her along with hat voice, as though it was enveloping her in protection. She wished to reach out to those eyes, she wished to find who they belonged to, who created that light for her. But she could not, her body would not move, her eyes would not even move to meet those coffee ones. She was left to despairingly hope that the lightness would submerge her, saving her from the darkness.

_“Hey, you are fine. You are away from that place now, you’re safe with me.”_

It was that voice once more. And she did find that with each word he spoke, the pain she felt lessened, replaced with the nicest of feelings in her chest.

_“Hey now, don’t cry, what can I get you? You hungry? Or shall I read you something to distract you?”_

It was then that she felt the lightest of touches to her cheeks, the warmest of touches. She wished that she could have melted into that touch, so to never lose it, but as quickly as it arrived, it disappeared. Leaving her body cold and broken once more.

“Kai are you okay? What is it your head?”

Although it was not the same voice, its rough concern was comforting enough for her body to relax in its hold. Strong arms held her up, and even without opening her eyes, she knew it to be Kuroo.

Her body fell limp in his arms, all strength in her muscles gone. Kuroo fumbled to get the right hold on her, bringing her head to his chest.

“What am I going to do with you?”

With a small kiss to her forehead, Kuroo gently held her in his arms. She felt so small, far smaller than she had ever felt. Pathetically so. It was with a sigh that Kuroo placed her on the bed, wrapping her form in the blanket, wondering how on earth she was going to ever be like she used to be.

He assumed the female was asleep, and that was a vast error of his. For the words he spoke would produce fear in her and start the spree of mistrust that would spark the realisation of what she was within.

If there was anything she knew about Kuroo Testuro, it was that he always had to be in control. And anything that he was not in control of, he bent to his desire.


	5. Hippocampus: Part four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I have always been convinced that the only way to get artificial intelligence to work is to do the computation in a way similar to the human brain. That is the goal I have been pursuing. We are making progress, though we still have lots to learn about how the brain actually works.  
> \- Geoffrey Hinton

_It was very tricky to calm the girl when she was like this. When her body wished to turn itself inside out, desiring for the pain to subside in any way possible, there was nothing one could say to her to comfort her. But that did not stop him from trying. He would soothe her best he could, holding her close to stop her from tearing her own hair out in her pains._

_It was never a short process, and there were times that it was best to leave her to her own tears. Then there were other times that he could not leave her in such a sorry state, he just had to support her. There was no helping it, for the hazel haired man was a fixer, and she was broken into thousands of pieces._

_It was not that he thought of her as a project, but he did end up spending more time helping her then he did the rest of his group. He even lost precious sleep over quieting the girls cries after her nightmares. He would not have had it any other way, for seeing her face relax into calmness was all he needed. She was fragile, simply the wrong kind of look sent her mind into a vortex of fear, and he would have to endlessly try to figure out what that kind of look was._

_He knew nothing of what she endured; what caused her to be that way. When he found her in that place, he expected her to die. Their medic had told them that she had suffered from brutal trauma to her arms, and severe blood loss. There was no telling what she had gone through to get every mark that marked her body._

_He sometimes found himself tracing the marks on her arms, the bruising around the evidence of needle picks, the contusions around her wrists from what he assumed to be constraints, and the littering of cuts and indents on her skin. Each of them held a story, he knew, and he wanted to know them. He wanted to know her._

_It was months until she spoke a word that was directed at him. It was so muted he had almost missed it, but so pained he knew he could never ignore it._

_“Please help.”_

_It was with those words that she spoke that he vowed to himself that he would never let her go. The pleading looks in her eyes were enough for him to almost pool at her feet. He wanted to help her, but all he could do was hold her, and tell her it was all going to be okay._

_And so, he took her in. Flouting the words of his superiors about how she was a victim, and so could have extensive medical care provided for her. He ignored it not only because he wanted to help her, but also because he knew that once he let her go, she would never come back into her arms._

_His group did frown upon the girl being brought under his wings, for they knew that he would force himself to look after her before himself. Which he did exactly that. It was fortunate that his second in command took over the group and took great consideration of him. He took a step away from command of the group until the girl was able to take care of herself. It was only then that he started to work again, but his mind would never wander from the black-haired girl._

_He would question if she were okay, if she were sleeping, if she had eaten enough. He would try to help in any way he possibly could._

_Perhaps it was an obsession, but the care he had for her was beyond anything he had ever felt before. He had always cared for his colleagues, always watching out for them and always there for words of encouragement. But with her, it was totally different, for he wanted to be there for her._

_It took a while before the girl could do much more than care for herself, it was around three months after he found her that she finally was able to hold a manner of a conversation. They would be short, and they would only be between herself and him. The context of these conversations usually included them talking about the view. It was one of the first things she commented on about his room- that the view was beautiful._

_And it was, on the outskirts of Tokyo the hills that rolled into the mountains were stunning. And in high summer, the greenery was certainly soothing on the soul. He wondered if she had seen much of nature. They had a promise to go walking up the hills surrounding their home, and it was with that encouragement that the girl finally decided to leave his room._

_She had found sanctity in his box room, for it was one of the only places she knew in the building, but also because he was there. She heard the sounds of others in the building, and the dark-haired man would often make remarks about who was screaming at each other this time, but in this room only their voices matter. Only his mattered to hers._

_It was not only his voice that she found calming, but also his eyes. She had brown eyes watch her before, analysing her, but these eyes were different. They were the warmest coffee coloured orbs she had seen, and in all their auburn wonder, they shone happiness onto her skin. They were the only eyes she could feel comfort in watching her._

_The girl eventually started to be able to function without breaking down every day, it started to become that her attacks were triggered by the feeling of being watched, and complete darkness. The man catered to that, he did not allow anyone to look at her until she said she was okay, and he never let the room go entirely dark._

_The first person she met, other than her carer, was a grey-haired male. His eyes were also a dazzling russet colour and held the same sympathetic gaze that the others did. It was not long until she felt comfortable around him also, and she managed to meet the others in his group._

_They were a large family, and most of them shared the kind eyes of their peers. There were some that did not, but with the arm of that dark-haired man around her body, she felt as though she could finally face those looks._

_She finally started to see other people’s faces before she saw their eyes and their hands- for they were the things that could hurt her the most. She had always been able to see her guardian’s face, for he always wore the warmest of expressions. And she came to see every single person’s face, every single expression, and she started to like them._

_It was not long after that, that she integrated into the family. She was a part of their group, blending in with everything happening in this group. There were still times that her body screamed out at the gaze of others, or the slight change in lighting sent her heart racing in fear. Nevertheless, with the lightest of touches from him, her heart returned to normal, her body no longer screamed in agony. She was safe with him._

_They held each other close, closer than they had ever held anyone else before. They longed to never let go, to always be there for one another. Perhaps if they had held on a little tighter, they would not have lost one another._

_Or perhaps it was because they held so tight, that they shattered one another._

It was the sound of shattering glass that brought her out of her sleep, followed with the shouts of two men. They were not happy shouts; they were fortified with resentment and exasperation. She wished not to hear such things, but the cries were so loud that she was forced to listen.

“You need to get over yourself, if you continue to do this you are going to bury her in sadness.”

“I think I know what I’m doing to my girlfriend, Nobuyuki. She will be fine. I just want her to get better before she does anything.”

The pang of guilt that hit her when she realised that those shouts belonged to Kuroo and Nobuyuki almost floored her, especially when it clicked that they were arguing about her. Her actions caused this when it was only her at fault, neither Nobuyuki nor Kuroo should have been affected by this.

“Kuroo she’s fine. You cannot just shut her away forever. I know you want to protect her, but if you start this now, you are going to end up locking her away.”

“No, I’m not!” there was another bang following his anger, and what sounded like an incensed sigh. She started to head out of the bed, suddenly worried that they may be physically fighting, but when the conversation continued her body froze once more.

“I have to keep her away from them, they cannot know that she is alive.”

There was a thoughtful pause, leaving Kai enough time to try and figure out who Kuroo was trying to hide her from.

“Kuroo, what are you going to do, keep her locked in at Nekoma? You have to let her live. If you keep her like this she is only going to get curious. It's best you just tell her.” Nobuyuki’s voice did not deter from the collected manner he always seemed to pose, even when Kuroo’s raised against him in all its resentment.

“How can I tell her? look, let’s not discuss this.” There was another thud as if Kuroo had hit the table with his hand.

“Oh no, you are not running away from this again.” the sound of a scraping chair overtook Nobuyuki’s voice, before he continued, “You cannot do this by yourself. Don’t you remember how happy you used to be with her? I don’t see that anymore.”

“That’s because it’s not her. It’s her face, her hair, her eyes, it’s all her but it’s _not._ ” Kuroo’s voice suddenly dropped, a wave of sadness overcoming his once engaged vocal cords. Mai could imagine him putting his head in his hands at this moment.

“What’s got this idea in your head? It is her. You saw how she fought with Yaku, just like she used to. And if you let her, I’m sure she would be able to work just as she used to. She’s too good to just train the members, you have to let her grow into herself again.”

There was a mumble of a response from Kuroo, one that the walls would block the girl from hearing. If only she was in the other room, she may have discovered a matter that would have changed her next move.

“Oh Testuro.” There was finally a change in Nobuyuki’s tone, it softened to a sympathetic sigh, “just don’t let that all out on her. She does not deserve that.”

There was another mumble, and then a few moments later there was the sound of the door closing. She presumed that Nobuyuki had left, and she could not help but walk over to the door, opening it slowly to see Kuroo.

He was slumped over the table, with his head pressed into his hands. It was rather saddening to see him like this. She could not recall a single memory where he looked this wretched.

She moved from the doorway towards him, throwing her arms around the bedhead. She held back tears as she looked at him, still feeling the guilt that she caused the argument between the two men before.

Kai would not see the shocked expression the man made, for she had buried her head into his shoulder, muttering for him to stop being sad. Kuroo held back the tears at the fact that she had probably heard the argument, for the anxiety of it controlled him. He had to think that she would not have come to him had she achually heard the entirety of the conversation, allowing himself to feel comfort from the girl’s words.

He composed himself before he turned the chair, making the girl unravel her arms from his shoulders, until she was stood directly in front of him. She almost cried at the expression he held, the remainders of tear stains left tracks along his cheeks, ones that she wished to wipe away with her own hands, but he held her at her wrists. His hold was not gentle, but there was no ill intention by his hold, she knew that, but her heart still started the panic slightly.

“You need to promise me something.”

His voice was pleading, desperate, heart-breaking. She had to stop the tears from falling from her own eyes.

“Anything.”

He pulled her down until she was sat on his lap, where he let go of her wrists to free his hand to settle on her cheek with the softest of touches. His eyes pooled with desolation, and Kai wished she knew why. She wished she knew why he was so sad, and what she could do to help.

“You have to promise you will always come back to me.”

He did not allow her to respond, perhaps because he did not wish to hear her respond, or maybe because he was scared to hear it, but as her mouth opened to reply, he silenced her with a long kiss. His lips are on hers, as tenderly and as delicately as the very first time they had kissed.

Kai responded with a sense of solemnity. It's miserable, the tears on both of their cheeks meet. Its indignant, for neither of them knows what is about to happen. It's yearning, its yearning for more of each other. But most of all: it's helpless.

The two savour it, pulling each other closer in gentle draws. They melt together, forgetting the despondency on each other’s face, only the feeling of their bodies together mattered at this moment. They do not pull away, for they know that they would have to see their expressions, and that would break them.

Kuroo’s hands settle around her waist before he finally let her lips free. But he gives her no chance to look down at him as he takes the access to her neck, stringing kisses down it before making every mark his tongue could produce.

He takes his time with her, savouring the moment, but it is not long before both their tops are discarded on the floor. Despite her pleas for him to stop teasing her, she loves every second from it, and Kuroo- a man already versed in the language of her body- picks up every cue.

Amidst the silence of the flat and the silence of the city, it truly feels like those two are the only ones to exist on this earth. But the shattering knock to the door leaves them both to wake up.

It is with a tap to her thighs that she finally stands up, quickly putting her top back on before Kuroo opens the door. He does not swing it wide open, only enough that the person behind it would see them, but they could be heard.

“You ready to go?”

Kuroo does not respond immediately, rather he does not respond at all. He turns to look at the girl, seeing her still dishevelled from their earlier activities, he wished to slam the door shut and claim those lips at his own, but instead, he just sighs. “You will come back, right?”

It takes a moment for Kai to realise that his statement was aimed at her, he had to arch his brow before she could even function a response of agreement. To which he finally responded to the man in the doorway, stating that he would follow them there.

“Come with me.”

He gestured for the girl to follow him, before he headed into their room. He pulled out a pair of trousers and a black top- both seemingly practical in their design. She questioned what she was stressing for in her mind, but she decided not to ask the man in front of her, for he looked ready to continue to cry at any given moment.

“Kai, you have to promise me, no matter what, you come back.”

She found this sudden display a little disheartening, for she knew that he did not trust her. But it was also saddening to know that he would go this far for her. But she found herself agreeing to him, nodding her head, and smiling at him.

He looked at her dressed in black and wished that he could have stopped her there. Black did not suit her, for she was far brighter than that shade. But it was necessary.

“I’m letting you go into the field. You will be marking Kenjiro Shirabu.” He brought her hand to his chest. He opened his mouth to say something more, but it seemed not to come, for he just continued to plead with his eyes.

She reached her other hand to cup his cheek, playing with a smirk on her own face. “I will always come back to you.” She knew not if she was lying or not, but at this moment she saw no reason why not to come back to him.

There was a small smile that broke his harsh expression, and with a small peck to her forehead, they headed out of the flat. He muttered something about wearing a coat, but it came to nothing as they headed into the lift.

They remained silent, but Kuroo once more reached to hold Kai’s hand as the lift went down. There was an energy in this lift, a tension that neither of them would dispel until much later. But it remained with them as they exited the lift and entered Kuroo’s car.

She took note of the early time showing on the car’s clock, it was merely four in the morning. There would be no way the girl would have coped without her coffee at this time, had all the events of that morning awoken her.

“It’s cold, there’s a blanket on the back seat if you want it.” Kuroo broke the tranquil silence, sending a gesture back to the seats behind him as he drove. The man did not break his eyes away from the road, despite the emptiness of it in the early hours.

She smiled at his caring nature, before reaching back for the blanket and wrapping herself up in it. It did not smell the cleanest but, with her lack of a coat, she relished the heat. So much so that her body started the drift into sleep, the smooth movements of the car rocking her into a slumber.

Kuroo took his eyes off the road to look at the blanket clad girl, seeing how the blanket rose and fall with her breath. He spared another look to take a hold of her hand, gently as he could as to not wake her. He just needed to know she was there.

There were times that he forgot exactly what this girl had been through. Well, he was blissfully unaware of what Kai had been through, but _she_ had been through so much, there was only the assumption that both of them went through similar. He did recall her talking about her memories once, but the touch of her hand in his now was enough to dispel such negative memories from his mind.

The road was quiet, and for that he was thankful. He would not usually drive from the flat to Nekoma often, in the hopes of lessening the chance of being followed. Kenma always made fun of him for that, saying that nothing was done in person anymore, people just tracked phone usages. He never had a great understanding of technology, ask him about any chemistry matters and he would speak like a dictionary, but any hacking lingo that Kuroo spoke went right over his head.

He often questioned why Kenma followed him into the gang, he understood the others had their own personal reasons, some that he was sure he would never find out, but Kenma had always been the one person Kuroo never understood. Kenma was a paradox, for anyone that did not know him thought of him at face value- a small, nerdy boy with bad hair dye. Yet anyone that knew him knew that there were many layers to Kenma, so many that in Kuroo’s years of knowing the boy even he was discovering more each day. With Kenma’s intelligence, Kuroo imagined he would go onto great things, perhaps working as his own boss in a company or alike, but there was never a time that he imagined the kitten-like boy to be in a gang.

Whereas Kuroo was always going to be a part of Nekoma, for he had sworn to follow his senior since the start of high school. There were times he did wish that he had not joined, much like any member of the group, but

His thoughts took him all the way to Nekoma’s building, and when he went to park the car, Kuroo realised he had held the girl’s hand for the last hour without letting go. Even when the car was stationary, Mai did not stir from her slumber, and it took a few prods from the bedhead to awaken her.

“I swear you spend more time asleep than awake.” Kuroo sent a teasing glance at the girl as she stretched. She let out a yawn before mumbling an indecipherable response. he could not help but smile at her muted form, stumbling out of the car still yawning. It was funny to think that she was so aggressive when she simply looks small now.

The two headed to enter the building, and Mai could not help but look around as she did, it was the first time she entered the building while she was actually conscious. It looked utterly ordinary, just an average warehouse. It was much bigger than she expected, so she must have not been shown around the entirety of it in Yaku’s tour. Past the guarded gates she could see the edge of suburbia, a tell-tale sign that they were now far out of Tokyo.

She could not help but stop to look at the stretch of greenery in front of her, a precipitous rush of happiness entered her as she did. There was a recollection to the dream she had, and the memories by the window, the light touches of someone else, the soft light on the rolling hills. It all felt so real when she looked ahead of her. She found herself drifting into those thoughts, hearing the dream voice in her mind, the same one that brought comfort to her mind whenever she heard it.

_“Beautiful, isn’t it?”_

_She was back by the window, seeing the sun rise from behind the undulating skyline. Those arms were around her waist again, and that same dark hair brushed at her cheek._

_“I don’t think I could ever leave here; I could never lose that view.”_

_She felt her own hands run over the arms that embraced her, feeling the skin on her own. It was real, it was warm. She wished to turn around, to face this man._

_“It’s beautiful.” It was the first time she heard herself speak in her daydreams, she half expected it to not sound like her at all, to confirm that these were nothing more than her fantasies, but it was her, it sounded just like her. And it was certain that the voice did not belong to Kuroo._

“Are you just going to come in or are you just going to stare into the distance for the whole morning?”

It was the other voice that brought her back to the warehouse, regretfully so. She painted a smile on her face and followed Kuroo in the building, slightly embarrassed to have dazed off like that.

They headed into the meeting room; where they were greeted with the same men from before, along with the few younger ones that did not head to Kuroo’s. Yaku waved as she followed the bedhead, gesturing to the seat next to him and Nobuyuki. She took her place there while Kuroo sat himself at the head of the table.

“Righto, let’s get started shall we?”

And with that, the meeting started. On the screen behind Kuroo, Kenma had projected a few maps and four images men, who she assumed to be the ones they would be following.

Kuroo started with Yaku, who would be following Satori Tendo. The picture of a hoodie-clad male enlarged on the screen, he had a small smirk on his lips, and red hair was spilling under his hood.

“Satori Tendo, our intel says that he is the instigator for many deals, but this doesn’t seem to match with how visible he is. I easily could find him on many CCTV cameras, just out in the open. But I can never find where he ends up. You need to track him but know that his movements seem rather sporadic, so stay on your toes.”

Yaku nodded before they went on to talk about where the male was often found. He frequented the high street and did seem to wander into seemingly random shops as he walked. It was decided that Yaku could sit in a café window until Kenma had seen the male on the street cameras after that moment Yaku would track him carefully.

The man kept a serious demeanour, which was suited to his beaten face- is now showing a deep purple mark over his left eye. Kai noted that she would have to apologise for that. But the bruised man kept his straight face as they discussed the plans.

Lev’s plans came up next on the screen, and he was in charge of following Tsutomu Goshiki. He apparently patronised a certain night club in the city, and so Lev would have to go in and try and work some information out of him when he was intoxicated. If the man was not drinking, the plan was to simply follow him, playing the creepy drunk man stood in the corner of the club.

Lev seemed to enjoy the idea of this plan, leaving Kai to wonder just how often he got to go out. Yaku did not seem as fond of Lev’s plan, as there were daggers thrown across the room in the glares he gave the Russian.

So’s plans were a lot simpler, for the one he was following- Taichi Kawanishi- seemed to just be a watchdog. He was spotted sitting outside an apartment building in the city centre most days, and if he ever left, it was only when another person came to sit in his place. And so, So would just have to watch from the rooftop of an apartment.

His plan corresponded with Kai’s, for her tag was the one that sometimes replaced Kawanishi. It differed slightly as it seemed that Kenjiro Shirabu did some of the supply shopping. Kenma had images of him entering stores and delivering his buys to the apartment that was guarded.

“I’m going to guide you through it, along with So. and then I’m leaving Nobuyuki in charge of Lev. Keep him in check please.” Kuroo stated when Kenma finished discussing the plans, “And then Kenma can focus on Guess monster, I think he is going to be the best way of finding things out.”

There was a murmur of agreement, and then everyone stood to leave the room. Mai joined in, only to have her wrist grabbed by Yaku. “I’ll help you get your kit, come with.”

And so, she did, throwing a look back over her shoulder at Kuroo who remained sat at the head of the table, his eyes following her as she left the room. The tension from before seemed to raise back up, and so quickly broke the eye contact they had to scutter after Yaku.

Kuroo stayed in his seat, remembering the girl’s expression this morning in the hope that it would calm the worry in his chest.

“You are doing the right thing.” The only other person to stay in the room spoke out, resting his hand on the leader’s shoulder.

“I hope you are right, Nobuyuki. I can’t lose her again.”

In their indigent silence, they could hear the shouts of Yaku and Lev in the kit room next door, bringing a chuckle to both their lips.

The screams came from Yaku screaming at Lev’s choice of attire for his mission. The tank top and ripped jeans did suit the tall man, Kai had to admit. But Yaku had a far worse view on the clothing. The others seemed to be sniggering away at their arguments, and Mai could not help but join in when Yaku’s burning cheeks came into view.

“I wonder when Yaku is actually going to admit he’s smitten for Lev.” Tora crossed his arms in his observation of the two fightings, Mai looked up at him with a smile before watching the two again.

“Yaku’s pretty loud at praising Lev when he wants to though.” Kenma quietly confirmed, leaving the rest of them in fits of laugher while Yaku and Lev scorched a shade of red Kai did not know existed.

Still laughing, the four prepared for the mission. Kai simply took a jacket which she placed a few pieces of necessary equipment within, and her earpiece. So did the same. And eventually, Yaku dressed in casual attire, ready to blend in with the public.

“Are you ready?” So turned around to look at the girl who was busy placing her mask over her mouth, the rest of them had already left, expect Lev who was to head out much later than the rest of them.

She nodded, before following So out to the car park outside. She was set to travel with him and Kuroo, since they were to start in similar places. Kuroo was going to remain parked in a nearby car park, which was far enough away not to arouse suspicion, but close enough that the tracking software would work.

So had flattered his hair into a black cap, with part of it tied into a bun at the back of his head. It was only then that she realised how long his hair actually was. He wore all black, with a black denim jacket over his hoodie. And when she looked at Kuroo, who had remained in his black jumper and jeans, she saw that he had also worn a cap. She could not help but feel a little sad at the lack of his bed hair she had come to enjoy, for the cap pinned the hair back completely.

“Let us go.” Kuroo headed to a different car from before, one she recognised to be a ford of sorts. So jumped in the back seat, leaving Kuroo to drive and Kai to sit in the passenger seat. As soon as the car started to move, Kuroo reached over to hold her hand. The warmth of it calmed her slightly stressed nerves. She wondered if he could tell she was worried, or whether he just wanted to hold her hand again.’

The action on the journey before was not unnoticed by the girl, in fact, she quite enjoyed it. The two were becoming far more comfortable with each other, she had hoped that the closer she got with him, the less she would have thought about the man in her visions. Yet the opposite seemed to happen for even now, she could recall a much softer hand holding hers, and a pair of coffee eyes looking down at her in fondness as they drove.

She hated this, she hated that she could not see Kuroo in these imaginations, and she wanted to know why he was never in them. for now, she brushed this aside, focusing in on the warmth of the man’s hand, and the dim light of the road ahead of them.

No one really spoke on their way there, there were comments made about the procedure, and that was all. Kai got the feeling that Kuroo and So were not really close. She herself did not feel as strong a connection to the younger male than the other members.

They pulled into the car park, and So excited the car first. He was to get into position first as to not arise suspicion at two people leaving the car at once. With a curt nod, the boy left, leaving her and Kuroo in their silence.

“How do you feel?” Kuroo broke the quiet, looking down at the hand he still held in his own, stroking circles with his thumb.

“I’m excited, but nervous.” Kai also looked at their connected hands with a small smile, “I feel safe knowing you are close.”

The bedhead let out a humph, smiling and raising his other hand to her cheek. “You are too cute.”

They remained like that, just smiling at one another. They only broke their gazes when the timer beeped. It was time for her to head out. She did up her coat, before regretfully letting go of Kuroo’s hand, and reading herself to head out the door.

“Remember what you promised.”

The soft expression was gone, and he now looked at the girl with much importance. She nodded, smiling at the boy before she headed out the car. There was no helping the sudden anticipation that rose in her chest when she shut the door, and there was no telling why the feeling suddenly overcame her. Perhaps it was the mission, or perhaps it was the expression he had just shown her, but there was no dispelling this emotion.

She entered the building that Kuroo had directed her to, heading into the lift and pressing the button for the top floor. Only one other person entered and exited to lift, and neither person paid any attention to one another.

“Can you hear me, Kitten?” Kuroo’s voice came through the earpiece clearly, there were no remains of the change that it had before. She responded quietly after the person had left the lift.

“Wonderful, and you, number seven?”

“Loud and clear. I am in position. No eyes on number twelve as of yet.” So’s voice came into her hear next, and she felt a little anxious at the fact that he was already in position when she had not even left the lift yet.

There was no response to that, but then it was not necessary for one. Kai picked at her nails as the lift continued up. When it eventually reached the top floor, she left the lift. With use of the code Kenma had provided her, she managed to unlock the doors to the roof without triggering the alarm. The cameras on the roof had also been deactivated, but she kept her hood up, just in case.

She readied herself in the corner as Kuroo had directed her. She was hidden by the edge of a chimney, and yet she had a full view of the courtyard below.

“I’ve got number twelve.”

Just as So spoke, she saw the ginger-haired male come out of an alleyway to sit on the bench in the middle of the yard. He took out what looked like to be his phone before he distracted himself with it.

“Twelve is on his phone, a Samsung S10. Cannot see the screen.”

“I’ve got it.”

The group returned to silently watching the people walking through the yard. Kai’s eyes followed anyone that came through, trying to pick out similarities to the man she was tagging. It was not until an hour of looking, that the copper-haired male she was watching out for finally came into view. She almost jumped out of her skin when Kuroo spoke through the earpiece, reminding the girl to follow carefully.

The two they were watching spoke to one another for a few minutes, before Kenjiro Shirabu walked in the direction he came from. This was rather lucky, for this way she could just follow the roofs of the buildings, as there were no gaps on this walk. It would not be until the T-intersection at the end of the street that Kai would have to climb down the emergency stairs to follow the man.

And she did just that, remaining a suitable distancing along the rooftop that the man would not be able to see her if he decided to look up. When he took a left at the junction, she leapt down the stairs after seeing that no one else was around. It was lucky that she was quiet, as, by the time she had gone down the metal stairs, the man had turned around to look over his shoulder. Kai managed to blend into the shadows of the wall, putting her body as close as possible to the wall until the man turned.

“I’ve lost sight on you, all good kitten?”

She did not respond immediately, for she estimated the distance between her and Shirabu to be enough that he would hear her. Once he had taken a few more steps forward, she pulled her hood up and started to follow on foot, whispering an affirmative to the man on the other end of the earpiece. As she walked, she pressed at the device in her pocket, it was a tracker. It would send her location to Kuroo every few seconds, allowing him to track her from the security of the car.

Kuroo muttered his confirmation of getting her identity, and then turned his attention to So, who was speaking about what his target was doing. There seemed to be some form of exchange happening on his end, but Mai paid no attention, focusing the back of the man in front of her.

As she followed him, she could not shake the suspicion that she recognised the man in front of her. The back of his head looked eerily familiar to her, but then most of the time the back of people’s heads looked similar. She tried to remove the questioning pit in her stomach yet could not.

She continued to quietly follow him for a few more blocks, before Kuroo ordered her to go up the stairs of the next building, to get back on the rooftop. It made sense, she had been following the man directly behind him for too long now, any longer would arise suspicion.

With her hands still in her pocket, clutching at the tracker, she ran up the emergency stairs of the apartment block. She paced them two at a time, making it up to the top in an impressively short time. It took a moment for her to locate her target through the number of people in the street, but there was only one person with the uneven haircut that her focus had.

The pursuit continued along the rooftops, and with a few jumps between buildings, she kept up with him. it was after this that he seemed to stop to head in a pharmacy. Kai noted that they had been passed a few pharmacies before, but the man had not stopped in any of them.

“Number ten headed into the pharmacy on high-street.” she kept her voice hushed despite there being little chance of the man hearing her from another shop.

“Don’t follow into there, stay outside. Track where he takes the supplies.”

She agreed, and crouched down in her place on the rooftop, not taking her eyes off the entrance of the drugstore. Kai took this time to think about where he had seen the man. She thought more about his angled hair, which brought her to the visions she had about the experimentation when she was in the first meeting. It would be too much of a coincidence that she imagined that man in her visions, and with that realisation, there was a cold sweat that ran over her form.

Was it actually a memory?

She had to force herself out of those thoughts as the man left the pharmacy. He headed off in a different direction, following the line of roofs she was upon, luckily.

With the pace being set again as she paced along the ridge, she found herself looking at the male again. From that angle, there were similarities to the one she saw in her apparition. There were the same shape and colour of hair as the man who was far more talkative than the others.

Kai was not one for conspiracies, and so she should have found it easy to dispel these thoughts until she saw the face of the man more, and yet that seemed unfeasible now. She felt herself getting closer to the roof edge, trying to get more of a look at him.

And while the girl was so distracted by seeing the male, she became unaware of a certain grey-haired boy, one also from her visons, who had taken that moment to look up at the skyline.

“Update kitten?”

With Kuroo’s voice directed at her, she lunged back from the roof side, aware that she had been neglecting the mission for her own personal interests. Kai spoke her location into the earpiece, gaining approval from the bedhead. It was as she spoke those words, that the man eventually walked into an alleyway, to the opposite side of the rooves she was upon. With a click of her tongue, she managed to shimmy down a drainpipe without being seen before she stalked around the corner of the passageway.

She did not follow him into the pathway, knowing that it would surely bring too much attention. Rather she casually leant against the wall, taking her phone in her hand to look busy as she watched the male in the corner of her eye.

The man looked around before he entered the door at the end of the passage. There were no obvious signs to showcase where he had entered, and so she decided that this was his end location.

“Number one, track my location. Number ten had entered the building here.”

There was a mumbled response, before Kuroo confirmed the location. With a few taps down the headphones, he announced that there were CCTV cameras he could hook into, and so she was complete with her mission.

It was with a sigh that the girl blended into the crowd walking along the high street. Dressed in black she moulded right into the background, and if she had not taken off her mask and hood, there would have been nobody to recognise her. Yet she had taken her hood off, leaving a perfect view of her eyes and hair to someone walking towards her.

The two hardly looked at one another, purely because neither of them should have. Yet when their eyes met, there was a slowing of their paces as they turned their eyes discreetly to look at one another once more. The soft hazel eyes she had seen in her dream looked at her, paired with the delicate curls of his silver hair. There was no denying he was the spitting image of the man. The green eyes full of mirth met his, and it took so much of his strength not to grab the girl there, to shake answers out of her. He knew that would never help, he had to tell his boss. He had to let him know.

They walked away from each other, heading in different directions. Kai headed back to Kuroo, while the silver-haired man headed home. And while they left one another, the thought of recognition lingered on both their minds.

He waited until she was far enough away before he turned, and it was with a heavy sigh that he picked up his phone, dialling the number that the girl only wished she had.

“Daichi, I found her.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a notice that all chapters are woefully unedited, I will not edit until the story is complete. And so, I apologise for errors.  
> Please feel free to leave Kudos, and stay safe and healthy!


	6. Phantom Limb: Part one

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Everyone is alone. Everyone is empty. People no longer have need of others. You can always find a spare for any replacement. Any relationship can be replaced”  
> ― Makishima Shougo

The funny thing about pain is that the brain struggles to acknowledge the diffrence between physical and emotional pain. There is a moment that the brain has to figure out just what is happening, sending messages along the nervous system, crossing at synaptic clefts, before anything can really happen.

Kai struggled with pain; pain was not something that her body really considered. She knew that she was _in_ pain, but there was no pain to be felt. When her shoulder was dislocated, she found herself wincing at the pain, but there was no sensation of soreness.

Whereas when she walked away from the silver haired man, there was a pain she physically felt within her heart. One that no painkillers could stop, nor no time. She did not even know the man, and yet her chest started to scream out as soon as she took steps away from him. With every step, the pain worsened. And with the pain came the tears.

There was nothing worse than psychological pain. No physical pain would ever compare. It was worse than the punches to her face, it burned, it hurt, and it would not stop.

She had to force her body to walk away from the man, lifting her legs as though they weighed like rocks. Even swinging her arms became hard. And she ground to a halt at a crossroads.

While everyone else crossed, she could not. She knew as soon as she crossed the road that she was taking that step away from the male, and that hurt.

She pulled up her hood, bring her mask over her face once more, preparing to move off. She had made a promise to return to Kuroo, and she had to complete that.

It hurt more with each step, but when her eyes fell on the car it started to dispel. Kuroo was leaning on the hood of the car, his cap still on as he held his phone to his ear. She paused in her steps. There was no feeling in her body when she looked at him. she expected happiness, she expected relief, she expected to be able to forget the hazel eyes before.

No, there was nothing when she looked at Kuroo. Even when he raised his head to look at her, and their eyes held one another’s, there was nothing.

She still stepped towards him, but with each step, there was a sense of fear rising in her chest. Kuroo simply passed a smile her way, continuing to talk on the phone as he opened the passenger door for her. Kai entered the car, and there was no turning back from here, as the male shut the door behind her.

Upon finding herself alone in the car, with Kuroo still on the phone outside, she could not stop the tears. They fell slowly but painfully. There were no sobs to escape her chest, only tears. The silence ate her whole while she stared at the glove box of the car.

Hazel eyes, brown hair, soft hands, kind voice.

More tears fell, yet there was nothing that seemed to trigger them to continue. She felt no pain, she felt no suffering, but just an emptiness. A hollow emptiness that consumed her.

Her tears had dried by the time Kuroo had entered the car. He did not spare a glance over at her before he started the car to drive off. They remained in silence for some time, with not even the radio playing.

“So is still tracking his target, we are leaving him there overnight, Yuki is going to go help him.” Kuroo ended the taciturnity, with the same blasé tone he always had. “You did well, Kenma’s got eyes inside that building. They seem to be using it for some back-street operations.”

She did not respond. She did not have to, for Kuroo just continued to speak as though nothing had changed. To him, it would not have changed, but to her, everything had.

Kai compared everything he did to the man in her visions, even down to the way he tapped at the steering wheel. It hurt her to do that, it hurt that she had someone in front of her that had carved her way back into the living, and she was there thinking about someone else.

Kuroo could tell something was wrong. He used the silence to wrack his brain as to what it could have been. There was the fear that she had recalled something while away from him, but if it had been _that_ then she would not have returned to her side. So, he wondered what could have made her so sad. He wished to pull up the car, take her hands in his and let her get it off her chest. there was one thing stopping him from doing that, and that was the fear that she would not tell him.

He wanted to be there for her, he wanted to help her, he wanted to make her better. Yet, he could not, for any time he tried to assist her, she got further and further away.

“You look, tired princess, why don’t you try to sleep.” It was with the softest of voices he could muster that he said this, and he finally turned his eyes to look at the girl. She still wore her mask, but her hood was now pulled down, showing the mess of her hair underneath. She held her hand to her mouth, biting at her nails as she starred ahead of her. If Kuroo could have had a closer look at her eyes, he was sure he would see that emptiness that he hated.

She did not sleep, but they fell into the same silence they would have if they were asleep. Only their breaths could be heard, and even those were muted.

The sky had started to turn dark, with the night hours creeping in. Gone were the peaceful blue tones, overtaken by the obscure purple and black. They left no remains of the sun ever being in the sky, consuming the colours in the murk. Kai found herself looking at the sky, desperate to see something that was not dim, but there was nothing. If it were not for the lights of the car, there would be nothing to see.

She almost wished that there were no car lights, she desired to be alone in the darkness for that moment. Yet she longed for some form of lightness, a certain form of lightness- those gentle brown eyes.

When Kuroo parked in the garage and turned off the engine, the girl had not left her trance. She remained perfectly still starring ahead of her. He had no clue what to do but settled on carrying her out of the car and into the house. She was so light in his arms, so small, yet to her she felt the heaviest she had ever been, so weighed down by everything.

Kuroo only put her down when he had to unlock to door, even then he kept her as close as he physically could. When they entered the flat, he set her up on the sofa with the blanket, before asking her what she wanted to eat.

There was no reply, but the girl did look up at him, and he finally got to see the hollowness on her green orbs. It was with a hitched breath that he went to make her some noodles, hoping that comfort food would help her now.

His mind ran at a million miles per hour, trying to figure out what had happened to her. There was nothing on her mission that could have scared her, there was nothing particularly horrible about the things she could have seen. Its why he let her go on that mission first.

Kuroo placed the noodles in the microwave, sparring a glance over to the form on the sofa. She remained sat up, biting her nails once more. While the noodles were cooking, he filled a glass with water and placed one of the pills of medicine next to it.

“Here, take this.”

She did, she sheepishly took the pill from his hand, and after placing it in her mouth she took the glass of water also. Kuroo took this chance to take a hold of her hand. The girl did flinch slightly at his touch, but what shocked him was the temperature difference: she was freezing.

“Why are you so cold?” Kuroo muttered as he brought the blanket around her again, “do you feel sick?”

The girl shook her head slightly, too slightly for his liking. He stood back up to fetch the noodles and put the kettle on to make her tea. When both were ready, he placed the bowl in front of her, along with a pair of chopsticks, telling her to eat.

She did eat, slowly. And all the while Kuroo watched with a tentative gaze. She did not look particularly ill, more just tired. When she was finished with her food, he took the bowl from her hands and replaced it with the tea. He could not help but bring his arms around her to bring her to his chest after he did so.

There was a softness to the touch he gave her, but it was not the _same._ Yet she allowed it, feeling no need to push him away. He was warm, and he was right there.

Kuroo moved the mug away from her hands eventually, freeing them so he could take them in his own. The girl felt his skin burning against hers, yet she allowed him to continue holding them. maybe the burning would go away, maybe it would turn soft, just like _theirs._

“What’s wrong?”

Now the pain that the both of them held here was beyond that of simply physical and emotional pain. It possible landed in the midst of turmoil. And that was the best way of describing them- a turmoil of emotions. For one could only blink before they were pulling at one another with the greatest desires.

Neither of them desired one another, that was certain. They desired someone else completely. They wanted the touch of each other for comfort.

Kuroo’s hands felt anywhere he could, his ears screaming to hear her dishevelled breaths in his ear. They were not hers, but they were enough for his body to continue. There was no gentleness to his actions, and there would never be, for sheer animalistic despondency fuelled his movements.

Both of their touches were frantically looking for _theirs._ They believed that if they touched a little deeper than they would find what they desired, find what they had been longing for.

Her own hands pressed upon him, and while tears still fell she wished for the burn of his touch to stop. It was painful, it was shocking, but most of all it was sad. Kai knew, she knew that Kuroo was not _him._ And yet, she allowed it. She allowed him to take her, bring her to heights she never knew before it came crashing down. She allowed it, without the guilt.

They never would, and that would be their demise. And yet, they continued to bring each other close, with no care of the consequence of their actions. For once they completed, there was a mutual decision that they would continue, continue being each other’s replacements, without acknowledging that the other felt the same way.

They would still hold each other lovingly, despite the pining for it to be someone else in their arms. Little did she know of the lengths Kuroo would go to cease that pining.

This cycle would continue, and the blackness in Kai’s chest would persist at eating her away. She would never feel pain like this physically, she would not know that it related to the feeling of being stabbed over a hundred times. And yet, her mind seemed to know, for her body started to change.

She would struggle in the darkness, shaking if she found herself suddenly shrouded in the dark. She would have to sit by the window near their bed in search of the city lights outside to calm her. Often, she would not even sleep at night, despite Kuroo’s constant complaints. There would be days at a time she would not rest, while maintaining a constant training programme with Yaku and Lev, along with a few other members. It would not be until she was physically on the brink of exhaustion that her body would finally let her rest.

It was not only the fear of the blackness that stopped her from sleeping, it was what she saw in her sleep. Her dreams were no longer filled with the calming of _him._ rather she now had the visions of the gun held to her, the same dream she had not long after waking up. The knowledge that it was Kuroo holding it up was enough to ignite terror in her body, and the more she saw it, the more she believed that it was her that he aimed to shoot.

That was not the only change happening, she found herself unable to recall a lot of things. Conversations that would happen mere days ago would fade away into nothingness, causing a lot of concern from those around her. additionally, memories of her past also dissolved, even the positive ones. The drives to the base with Kuroo were no longer littered with recollections of their times together, rather they were empty- dull.

There no longer seemed to be a reason for Kai to even live. The system she followed of training, eating, not sleeping overcame any humanity within her. She became listless.

She was a pitiful sight. There was hardly much left of her after some months of this sequence. Her face lost its colour, she becomes far thinner than before- even loosing muscle despite the constant training. She would zone out of conversations, stumble over her words, and she would never bite back. There seemed to be only one that did not show his concern for the girl, and that was someone closest to her.

This was not to say she was entirely useless, rather she became incredibly so. Any order given to her was followed without a second of hesitation and with the utmost effort. There was the sad belief around the whole of Nekoma if Kuroo were to ask the girl to run herself off a cliff, that she would do just that. There would be an uncomfortable truthfulness to those thoughts that nobody wished to see.

Everyone felt as though they had to hold their breath around the girl, for the worry that she would break at any wrong movement was prevalent. Yaku started to skive their training in the concern that she would find herself injured. Lev found himself unable to even respond to her demands to kick high, to punch harder, and he certainly found it impossible to retaliate from her demands.

There became a struggle within Nekoma, a drift, one that centred around the girl. There would become a break in the formation of the human body that was Nekoma. The brain started to close off, ignoring the demands of his superior. The veins dispelled in their numbers and struggled to keep up with the increasing movements that Kuroo desired. And so, the oxygen, the girl, found herself unable to colour her life at all.

Simply, she lost her schedule, and this would end up being the greatest shame to fall upon her.

She fell apart.

With no reason to train, for there was no one willing to fight her. With no reason to fight, for no one wished her to. There was no reason to really do anything at all.

If a sensation of pain were to be felt here, there would be no describing what it would be.

Her body screamed for sleep, it cried for her to stop. The girl would not, she would continue to train herself, for more hours than before. She would decrease her sleep schedule more, relying on other means to stay awake. There were days that she did not even eat, seeing it to be a mere hindrance in the loss of time.

Her body was falling apart on her, and there was little that could have changed that. For her body was not to be her own, she tried too much to mould it into what he wanted. She followed every order, every command he sent her way. All so she could become what he wanted.

It was when these demands stopped that her body could no longer see what it needed to become. She slept better, yes, but her dreams were haunted by memories, by the visions of _him._ Kuroo’s touch burned her skin again, painfully. Her own appearance sent nausea her way, even her voice caused her body to shake.

She could not stand to be free of him. It was as though he was her drug, and she depended on him.

He knew this, he knew the effect he was having. Yet, he continued to inject her. He continued to drug her until she was nothing but an empty shell in his arms. A shell he could mould into his own, anything that he wanted would form in his hands. A simple nudge and she improved in turn. It was all that it took for him to get _her_ back.

Her touch started to feel right, she started to transform into what he longed to see again. Her mannerisms changed, losing the politeness of before- becoming much more bashful and insensitive. Just like _her._ There was no hiding how pleased Kuroo was, he would look at her as though she was his treasure. A bounty of gold all for him, and he relished in it.

But for her, this point brought the pain back. She was so far gone that the pain was blistering. It no longer came from his touch, for that was nothing but numbing, it came from her heart.

Her heart seemed to explode into a million pieces, and she truly fell into pain.

It was as though she had woken up all over again, the splitting ring in the side of her head returned with a vengeance, the ache over all her muscles hurt her every move. And her eyes returned to their heavy state.

She fell, and she fell hard, into herself. There would be little chance for the girl to ever feel human again. for she became nothing but a lifeless figure of herself, built for Kuroo’s purpose, and that was all.

Her body started to become fragile, and so with the colder weather of the winter, she fell ill. A regretful Kuroo told her to stay off work for the week, despite the fact that she was set to help with their infiltration of a sale that day. The mission would last for a few days at the very least, so he left her with blankets, medicine, and a number to call if she got worse.

There would be no getting worse for the girl, for this was the lowest of lows. But this was also the chance that fate handed to her- placed right in front of her to help herself. There was only the need for her to get out of bed and walk out of the flat.

Alas, it was not until the third day of her illness that she needed to leave the flat, for Kuroo had made sure she did have enough of everything. It was only because Kai had been taking far too many of the capsules of medicine that she needed to get more.

It was almost by sheer teetering steps that she managed to heave herself out of bed, and out of the door. She hardly remembered he walk to the shop, not having been there since the day she woke up. Not by choice, but because Kuroo never asked her to come with her whenever he shopped. So, it was with the greatest effort that she actually ended up in the familiar corner shop.

There was not the same cashier on the till as before, she knew that as soon as she walked in. It was a much younger man, possibly around her age that slumped over the counter. She thought nothing of it as she headed over to the medicine section, rattling the coins she had mustered in her pocket to see what she could afford.

She starred at the rows of paracetamol, ibuprofen, and the like. All of them seem like good options. She chose the extra pain relief ibuprofen, knowing that it was what Kuroo had given her. as she picked up the packet, it fell through her fingers, dropping to the floor with the lightest thud. With a sigh, she bent down to pick it up, only to see another hand go to grab it.

A hand with neat nails, leading up to a face of sheer kindness. _His_ face. The same soft hazel eyes that looked at her as though they could complete her like a puzzle. The same easy expression that she wished she could have smiled at. It seemed, that the more she looked at him, the less her body seemed to ache, the less her chest felt as though it was battling an unending unease. No, there was light there now. And all from those eyes.

She swore that it was him, and yet he did not look at her as though he knew her. he simply held out the packet of pills out to her, with that kind, soft smile.

“Here,” after she did not reach out for the packet she placed it in her own hand, “You look like you need these.”

She wanted to scream, that touch, it was his. There was no burning to her skin, no pain, only sheer bliss, and relief at feeling it.

The man glanced over his shoulder, looking at the guy at the register with a less than fond expression. “Hey, go pay and I will walk you back, okay? You look like you need the company now.”

If she had half the mind, she would have politely declined, for she knew not of this man’s intentions. And yet, she found herself doing exactly what he said. All while he stood with that same kind expression as though it was painted on his face. Only when her back was turned, as she paid, did the man allow a small frown at the girl’s condition.

At first, he noted the scar. That was something she did not have before. And then he noticed everything else, she was thin, she was tired, and she was not like the girl he remembered so warmly. If he did not have the voice of his partner reminding him in his earphone, he would have grabbed her and taken her home then. He wished not to ever see her like that again after it took so long for her to recover.

After she paid, the two headed out of the shop in close proximity. There were no words between the two, albeit for the direction the girl gave. He wished to talk to her, more than anything, but he simply knew not where to start. Without telling her anything that may get her into trouble, for he knew not what Kuroo had planned for the girl, he simply kept his mouth shut.

And yet, their silence spoke a thousand words. For as they walked, they got closer, until their hands brushed at they stepped forward. That simple gesture was enough, for now, it was enough for the two of them to inwardly confirm, that they were the ones they had so wished to see.

It was with this continued silence that they ended up outside the apartment building, and while the man took note of where it was, she had nodded a soundless thank you.

“No worries at all, I was not about to let you walk back alone while sick.” There was a tremor behind his voice that anyone could have noticed, even the girl in her emotional obliviousness heard it. The man covered it up with a small chuckle, and a hand to the back of his head before he smiled at the girl. “I hope you feel better. You deserve that much.”

She wished at that moment that she had asked the man to expand on that, to tell her what he meant. But alas, their time was up, as the brown-haired man turned to walk away, his hands returning to their pockets as he clenched his fists.

“Wait.”

If only he had heard her then, if only he had turned to look at her. If only they had admitted to their thoughts at that moment. if only they had held their hands together as they escaped her hell. If only they had never been apart.

Although, life had never been fair on poor Mai. She was a girl who would always be blighted by the men she fell in the hands of. No matter how much they card, or loved her, she would always end up hurt. That was her life, she was nothing more than a doll.

Alas, the child was left to walk alone into the flat, with her body returning to the same chilled version that it was. She could have sworn that in the absence of that man, that her body felt at least a few degrees colder than before.

As soon as she entered the elevator, and the doors came to a close, her heart started to hurt. This pain was unlike anything she ever had felt before. The girl had hardly felt pain of this magnitude in any form since she had woken up, and she had been in many a fight were harsh blows were sent her way.

This was pain she would feel for a long time, a pain she would never end, not until she found his eyes once more. Out of her own eyes came the soundless tears. The same she had when she saw the silver-haired man, the kind of tears that emptied her soul.

She would lose many a tear like that, especially that night. For in the quiet loneliness of the flat, she was only left to imagine the man’s touch once more. And with those feelings, came the reminiscences she had forgotten. The soft touches, the kind smiles, the caring hold, the positive words: they were all there in their rows, all the memories flooding back to her with a smile on their faces, almost as though they were pleased to be remembers.

She herself would be pleased at remembering these, but they would continue to feel such pain at them, for the acknowledgement that she was in the wrong place now, was far too much to bear.

And he himself, felt this pain, for as he stepped away from the feeble girl, he wished to turn around and hold her in his arms. Hold her tight and never, ever let her go. He had done that once, and it had ended in heart ache. And so, to walk away there, despite it being for the greater good, would cause him many tears that night.

But the man had saved her a few tears, for when she reached in her pocket to retrieve the medicine, it was not the only thing she found. Neatly folded was a note, a handwritten message from that dark-haired man. it was a simple note, one that read in shaky letters, _Stay safe._ There was also a number scribbled next to this, making her wish she had a phone to ring it immediately, to ask about the man’s identity. 

Yes, it was painful to know that he had been so close, but that note held a closeness that she adored. And it was with that note that she knew, she knew that he was the man she had dreamed of. 

"Daichi..."


	7. Phantom limb: part two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cognitive psychology tells us that the unaided human mind is vulnerable to many fallacies and illusions because of its reliance on its memory for vivid anecdotes rather than systematic statistics.  
> \- Steven Pinker

It was with the greatest recoil that Kai turned to face Kuroo, so much of one that she nearly spilt her coffee. He had entered the flat with a sudden loudness that she had forgotten in his week’s absence, and she almost wished he had neglected it also. But regrettably, he wore the same cheeky grin as he sauntered into the flat, with the greatest confidence known to man.

“You look better, princess.”

And she did, with the silence of her surroundings after the fated meeting between her and Daichi, her thoughts had become a lot more coherent, allowing her to have much more sleep than before. Her body no longer ached so much, and she had fallen into a schedule of eating and sleeping normally.

There was a drawback to this, that there were still huge blanks in her memories. She knew that she recalled being with both Kuroo and Daichi, but there was still no sense of timing for these meetings. Any time she tried to remember them in any form of order, they became even more muddled. And now, when her eyes landed on the familiar bed head, her mind became even more muddled.

It was not that she did not wish to be with Kuroo, for there was a certain warmth to his presence in the empty flat that she was very happy to feel. And yet, she still retained that same emptiness in her chest she had carried since Daichi had turned his back on her.

As much as she wanted to smile at Kuroo, the sudden scent that followed him caused her nose to wrinkle in disgust. The putrid smell stuck to him, and she was well aware that it would be clinging to his clothes for weeks. As much as she wished to lecture him on the fact that he probably drove back from the base as high as a kite, she was simply happy to see him.

It seemed he felt the same, for he staggered over to her to trap her by the counter she stood next to, a crafty glance on his face. His hands held the counter, gripping so tightly, probably to keep himself from swaying over after his sudden movements.

“You did this well without me? I cannot lie, I am a little sad about that.” A rough hand reached to her face, pressing it to her cheek with a small amount of force. It seemed Kuroo was not in complete control of his strength at this point. “I would not last a day without you.”

She wished to respond to him, before pushing him off to order him to wash the stench that was filling her nose presently. And yet, the feeling of his hand on her quelled the thoughts she had been having, the concerns over the remembrance of Daichi and Kuroo. It relinquished the thought of the soft brown eyes altogether, replacing them with the wild ones commanding her gaze now.

It took a few moments before Kai pushed Kuroo away, “That’s rather pathetic, you are a grown man, not a child.”

With a pout, the man shrugged off his jacket, throwing it on the sofa before turning to the girl once more. “That hurt.”

There were teasing remarks shared between the two of them, along with childish leaps at one another. These mainly consisted of Kuroo attempting to catch Kai, who had taken to create as much distance between her and his smell. It was not long before Kuroo had caught the girl, wrapping his arms around her waist to bring her into his chest.

“Caught you, kitten.” It was with those low words, that Kuroo finally brought his lips to Kia’s. there was a great hunger behind his movements, a strong desire to refamiliarize himself with all of her body. It has not been long, but the familiarity of her touch was all Kuroo needed to finally breathe.

It was a rough mission, both Yaku and So had come back terribly beaten, and so their steak-out on Johenzei increased by two days. Kuroo had become enraged by revenge that he just had to get a hold of them, remind them whose territory they had been trading on.

As much as Kuroo enjoyed fighting, especially when it was for something as satisfying as revenge, he was not built to do so. He was the intelligence behind Nekoma’s drug production, there was no need for him when he had fighters like Yaku and Kai. Yet when he had seen just how frail the girl was when he had left, he knew there was no use of such a liability in the field, so he had Kenma take the ropes of the production for a week.

He had expected to find her still in the bed, frail and weak as before, but rather she looked radiant.

Since she had awoken, her hair had grown a lot longer, past the shoulder-length cut and towards a much longer style, with it almost reaching her lower back. She looked healthier too, there were no longer the sunken bags under the eyes, rather there was a paint of colour to her cheeks- a colour that suited her well.

And most of all, she started to mould into _her._ As his body melted into hers, and they staggered to keep standing with their bodies fighting against each other, he felt as though she was back in his arms. As though she had never left.

“Kuroo,” her voice came out meekly against his own, before being captured by his once more. He did not respond, merely humming as he continued to explore her mouth. once she escaped his grasp once more, it was with the sourest look, “You stink.”

“Well that’s rude.” The boy pulled back to equal her sour expression before it moulded into a sight of exhaustion. He did look ever so tired when Kai managed to get a look at him, despite the dilated pupils, the rest of his face was weathered with signs of his endeavours the last week. It was pitiful, really, for the girl had not seen him like this since she had woken up.

Kuroo was the kind of man that did not wear his worries on his face. The burden would be known if you spoke at him, for he did- like a lot of Nekoma- allow his emotions to take the steering wheel. But upon looking at him, he would look like the same carefree Kuroo that people knew him as. Under that bedhead of his was an incredibly intelligent and scheming mind, one that knew that if he were to show his emotions, those around him would undoubtedly exploit it.

And so, for the girl to see this side of him was largely humbling, but also disheartening. Before this feeling could overcome her, she pushed the hunk that was Kuroo into the bathroom with the demand that he showered. This was, of course, easier said than done, for Kuroo made it his mission to make it as hard as possible for the girl, falling limp against her body and refusing to move into the bathroom.

With a few pushes and cried of annoyance, he entered the shower, and the girl went back to her spot by the window, a new coffee in hand. She had spent the last day by this window, enjoying the skyline of Tokyo stretching ahead of her. only, this was not the view she got out of it most of the time. Most days, she saw the tranquil rolling hills she had now associated with Daichi and his warm smile.

Such a warm smile.

There always seemed to be a sense of coolness to the Tokyo apartment after she found herself lost in her memories. One that she hated to admit that she felt. And yet, she allowed herself to fall into the thoughts of the countryside view out of the window, shamelessly forgetting that she was in the abode of the bedhead that she was forgetting.

For now, and probably because of the sudden appearance of Kuroo, she was unable to imagine the hills. rather, she focused on the signs of the winter’s morning through the glass, watching as people trudged on their way to work, and students met with their peers before adventuring off to school. She did enjoy the view from the apartment window, especially in the morning. She originally struggled to see how Kurro lived in the apartment, since it seemed massively inconvenient to be away from everyone else in Nekoma. But in the days that she stood by the window; she could imagine the bedhead doing the same- watching the world pass them by.

As for Daichi, she could never envision him doing the same. Whenever she imagined him by the window of the hills, he would either be leaning in her shoulder, or shouting over at the ruckus behind him. While she had never turned her head away from the window in her memories, she could clearly hear the screams of those behind them. There was always someone screaming behind him, and always someone to tell to be quiet. Wherever her memories took her, she wished she knew more about.

Again, with Kuroo’s dramatic entrance, she was snapped out of her daze. The man was back in his usual joggers and jumper, his hair plastered back with water. Despite the cleaning of the dirt and blood the man had plastered on his face, there was still a certain dirtiness to his expression. Perhaps it was the enervation.

He wound his arms around the girl’s waist and rested his chin on her head. He certainly smelt better now, less of the weed that clung to his clothes before.

“That’s better.” She hummed, before resting her head back into his chest. “How you feeling?”

She felt him sigh, the breath cooling the top of her head. “Tired. But I’m glad to be back.”

“Was it a success?”

“In sorts. We left them a message not to be trading in our part of the city, but Johenzei is Johenzei- there will be little chance they’ll ever do anything rational.”

From what the girl had seen of the intel Kuroo had gathered about the gang, Johenzei was anything but rational. Their team was run by Yuji Terushima, who embodied the sense of a lack of rationality, as well as a severe lack of common sense. Compared to Nekoma who planned meticulously any movements they made and covered their tracks with the highest attention to details, Johenzei was much like a rampant teenager with no mind of what consequences were. Everything they did was done with an extravagant flair to the dramatics, and while it was quite humorous to hear about their exploits, to achually have them against you was far from ideal, as no one could ever predict their next move.

It was Nekoma’s nightmare to have to pin themselves against Johenzei, but from the sounds of it they had at least bought some time.

“We’ve pushed them back into Fukurodani’s area, Bokuto will be able to deal with them in his sheer randomness.” He mused, while rubbing small circles on her stomach, “I just fear what they have planned, I never thought they would start dealing.”

The girl hummed, still looking out of the window. “They are the ones that run the human trafficking in Miyagi, right?”

“Someone was listening in the meetings, was surprised you could listen with my beautiful voice explaining everything.”

She rolled her eyes, “Yeah I nearly got lulled to sleep. Lucky that Kenma explained it after.”

“I’m hurt,” he winced in all his faux pain, “but yes, they are the traffickers. I just wonder if they are trying to grow, and if they are then why here, and not in Miyagi.”

“Do you think they are working with another gang?”

“It’s plausible, but I would never bet on it. No one really wants to work with a loose cannon such as Johenzei. I just wonder who’s big enough to kick them out of Miyagi.”

With another hum, the girl put down her coffee cup and laced her own hands in the man’s larger ones. “No point overthinking it, you are always three steps ahead anyway, you don’t need any more steps.”

The man chuckled, sending vibrations through the girl's own body. “Oh, if it was only as simple as that, princess.”

“Was anyone injured?”

“Yaku and So had minor injuries, nothing Yuki cannot sort out.” Kurro buried his head further into the girl’s hair. “Fancy going to sleep with me? I’m tired, but I’ve missed you.”

She wanted to chuckle at the thought that this man was a gang leader, and a ruthless one at that. And here he was, whining like a child and pleading to go for a nap. “You are a big boy; you can sleep by yourself.” She smirked, before wriggling out of Kuroo’s hold and towards the kettle to make another drink. Kai heard him sigh, before allowing a soft laugh to escape his mouth.

“Watch yourself, kitten.”

And within a split second the room had turned upside down.

Kuroo had swung the girl over his shoulder as though she weighed nothing, folding her over his shoulder as he walked over to their room. Kai could not help but squeal at the sudden movement but ended up laughing at the man’s grumbling after she did.

With as much ease as picking her up, he dropped her on the bed, wrapping them both in the blankets before wrapping his arms back around her. “I will always get my way with you.”

And with a final kiss to the top of her head, the man settled to sleep with his body around hers. If it were any other time, she would have fought away to be able to get her coffee. But upon seeing how quickly his breath fell to its rhythmical pace, and his hold around her softened, she could not help but stay there.

He was exhausted.

And at this point, she was too.

She had hoped that seeing Kuroo could have created some solidity to the thoughts she had been jumbling around in her mind all day. Of course, with her luck, the thoughts had become even messier. And with the sudden silence of the room, she suddenly felt very aware that she could not remember everything.

Kuroo had been nothing but kind with her over the last months, despite her struggles and her woes with adapting to life, he had stood by her. And for that, she should have been thankful, should have loyally followed him with no thoughts of the other. Yet, Daichi was there. Daichi was always _there._

He was smiling, he was supporting her, he was holding her hand through her fear. He was a support system that she used even in his absence, even when she had seen him once since she woke.

Even now, in the arms of the bedhead, she thought of Daichi. It was not just thoughts, it was as though her body imagined his touch, his hand in hers. She knew she should not be having this conflict but knew not what to do with it.

What was she to do anyway? While she had Daichi’s number, that she had tucked into the book ‘any human heart’ on the bookshelf, she had no phone to use to ring him. Mai had no money left after buying the tablets before, so a pay phone was not an option. Therefore, there was no way she could ever come into contact with Daichi. She did lookout for the familiar dark-haired man from her window, but how was she to recognise a man from twelve stories high?

It was useless to throw questions around in her mind, for she simply could not do anything now. And as she looked at the sleepy expression of Kuroo, she did not want to do anything that could ever cause him to stress.

With her thoughts straying back to the bedhead, and the surprising warmth he brought her, she allowed sleep to overcome her, forgetting all about the rolling hills through the window.

-

If there was anything that Kuroo was good at, it was waking others up.

He had no sense of how loud he was being, so when he (not so) stealthily crept out of bed in the afternoon, he managed to wake the girl.

It was not that he meant to be noisy, he simply could not help but knock into something, or slam a door rather than shut it quietly. However did he survive on surveillance missions?

If the girl had not been so rested, she would have half the mind to throw the pillow she was resting on at him. if she had, she would have regretted it, as the man came back into the room with two steaming cups.

Kai took the warm mug from his hands, taking a huge gulp of the coffee despite it being near boiling in temperature. This earned a sigh from the male as he put his mug of tea on the side table.

“You’ve never been patient have you?” although posed as a question, there was no answer for this. And as much as Kai wanted to answer, wanted to respond with a remark, she did not. For as far as she was aware, she was quite patient.

Thinking back on the memories she had, the majority of them involved some sense of waiting, she sensation of awaiting the return of the bedhead, waiting for a response from him. Kai believed that she was fairly tolerant with the man, although that had changed in the past few months.

“I’m not inpatient.” She settled with, going back to drinking her coffee, crossing her legs, and leaning back on the wall.

With both of them in the room, there became the realisation that it was pretty small. Kuroo struggled to fit his body on the bed thanks to his stupid height, and the bed was pressed in by the wall with no room for him to hang his feet off.

To Kai, the feelings this room gave her were not positive. She felt constricted, closed in. there was always the niggling feeling that this room reminded her of, one that was not positive. The feeling was bad enough that in Kuroo’s absence, she had turned to sleeping on the sofa.

“Whatever you say, princess.”

Perhaps it was the fact that she had just woken up, or perhaps it was the state of the room they were in, but she was left with the sourest taste in her mouth, and the largest desire to snap back at the man.

He teased, that is what Kuroo did. He was not particularly good at it, but he knew how to get under people’s skin and press their buttons. Kai did not like this part of Kuroo. And on this day, she really did not like it.

But like the cynic she was, she bit her tongue, and just took another gulp of her coffee. All the while Kuroo sat on the edge of the bed, allowing his legs to hang off the side and his head rested in her own folded legs. His eyes flicked to close again, and Kai took his distraction to look at his face.

The sleep had done him well, but he was still battling intense under eye shadows and dry eyes. she had to wrack her brain for the last time she had seen him have time to rest. Most of the time, he was a slave to his laptop, or he left early for the lab.

“You have the day off today?” the girl placed the coffee cup on her knee, it now being empty, and allowed her other hand to play with his messy hair.

The man just hummed, clearly still battling his tiredness. They fell into silence once more, just the lulling sound of his breathing made for background noise. He did not fall asleep, instead he kept his eyes on the girl despite the heavy lids.

While Kuroo was enjoying the silence after his hectic few days, the girl was not. She had enough of the silence, it allowed her mind to wander into her memories and she did not wish for that at that moment. Not while Kuroo was right there.

“What do you want for dinner?”

“Grilled Mackerel?”

“Yeah because I’m going to be able to do that on our ass-hat stove.”

“Don’t diss the stove, it’s a long-serving citizen that deserves rights.”

“If it can’t actually cook food then how can it be long-serving?”

“It served long before your time~”

She showed her annoyance on her face, but it only made the man’s smirk wider.

“Only a bad chef blames their tools.”

“Right, you are cooking for yourself.”

“But why can’t my doting girlfriend make food for her tired, but still handsome, boyfriend?”

“I’m breaking up with you.”

Another fake pout came to the leader’s lips, “so mean to me, kitten.”

She only pulled a tight-lipped smile back at him before she rested her head back on the wall. Her hand still laced its way through his hair, messing with the slight curls that were forming.

“We can eat out tonight, my treat.” The man broke the silence, before sitting up and looking the girl straight in the eye. “I’m aware I haven’t taken you out in a while.”

She could not help but be taken aback. Kuroo had never been one for going out, purely because he wished to keep a low profile. And the two of them preferred to be indoors at home anyway.

“What’s this all of a sudden?” the words tumbled out before she could put a filter on them, but the man’s affectionate expression did not falter with them.

“Just want to do something nice. Celebrate you feeling normal again.”

It was a rare, true sign of affection form the bedhead- a man who usually focused more on his work than the girl, and it made her heart flutter. She hated to feel that way, her body hated it. Yet her mind was beaming, imagining flowers and the rest of the romantics works that she had been voided off since she woke up.

It was her brain that brought a smile to her lips, and it was her heart that felt disgusted at it.

“We will leave in fifteen, yeah? Just got to ring Yaku.” And with a kiss to her forehead, the man left the room, leaving the girl with her conflicting feelings.

And she wished he had not. For as soon as the door shut, the tears came.

There was no rhyme or reason for the tears, nothing in her body felt sad or progressively sad. It was as if it returned to its vessel like state she had been battling with for the last month. And the lack of cause for the tears only seemed to make her cry more, at how pathetic she was being.

Kai went into the bathroom, and after a shower, her tears had all been washed away. She did feel as though one wrong move would threaten them all to come back. brushing this aside, she ran a comb through her hair and changed into something more fitting than the pair of joggers that had stuck to her over the past week.

She ended up going for a dressed-up shirt she owned along with jeans, grabbing a brown blazer she had for a jacket. By no means did Mai understand fashion, and she did not care for it, but the jeans fit, and the shirt was flashy, yet comfortable. And that was all there needed to be to it.

Entering back into the bedroom, she threw herself back on the bed. She was sure that more than fifteen minutes had passed, and yet she could still hear Kuroo in his ever-quiet mannerisms talking to Yaku on the phone. And he had the audacity to say she was not patient.

It was at least another fifteen minutes until Kuroo came back into the room to change. And in that time Kai had sat to read the book on the bookshelf that appeared to be the most read- Gulliver’s travels. The first few pages had not grabbed her- the tone was certainly not what her short attention span could deal with. He spoke in torrents of words, beautiful ones, but far too many for her brain to comprehend.

So, when the boy came back into the room to change, she put the book away. It was then that she recalled what was within the book.

Daichi’s number.

Kai paused, wondering if she should be bringing the number with her. What if she got the chance to ring the man? Was it worth it?

Upon hearing the door to the bathroom open she slammed the book back onto the bookshelf, without picking up the number. He could wait.

She turned her eyes to Kuroo, who was now clad in a pair of black chinos and a black shirt, a grey blazer was thrown over his shoulder and he had slicked his hair back in a way she had never seen the man style it before.

She suddenly felt underdressed; and started to wish he were to.

“You can stop with the drooling; you’ve got all night to make ogle eyes at me.”

Of course he noticed.

Kai simply huffed, grabbing her own jacket before leaving the room, not sparing another look at the man. She could only imagine the smirk on his smug face, and if she were to see it she would all but slap it off his face.

The two shared their comments as they headed out the door. Kai had no idea where they were going all while Kuroo drove them out of the city. She would have assumed he would have taken them to one of the local places she recalled in some of her memories, but the roads they were taking now posed no form of recollection for the girl.

“Where are we going?”

“Surprise,” Kuroo spoke in his sing-song tone, all while smirking at the girl sat in the passenger seat.

Even in the passing light of the streetlights and signs, Kuroo still looked good. He scrubbed up well, and with the taming of the bedhead there was a negation of the tired expression he usually wore. She could not recall a memory in her mind where he had dressed up like this. He often wore shirt and trousers when he had his ‘business’ meetings, but nothing as nice as the black button up he wore now. She liked this change.

Forgotten was the note in the book, she was more focused on figuring out where they were going.

“Give me a hint.”

“So demanding.” He teased, “I little joint an old friend of mine owns.”

“And this ‘joint’ deserved a suit?” She gestured at the attire the man had gone with.

“Darling, anything with me is a classy affair.” The smirk got wider, “you should know that by now.”

“You wouldn’t know class if it smacked you in the face, rooster head.”

“Nuh-uh princess, can’t use that name on me today.” He pointed a hand to his hair, “I tamed this today so I will not allow any comments.”

“Not the boss of me.”

“Oh?” the tone got lower, “I seem to remember you quite like me being the boss of you-“

He finally got the slap he deserved.

-

If there was something that Kuroo was good at also, it was scouring out a good bar.

His friend, or rather an annoyance that owed him a favour, was Suguru Daishio, and he owned the best bar in Tokyo.

Set back in the streets of Bunkyo- it was one of the very few bars in the area, with it being within a residential ward. The nearby university residents made up most of the drinkers there, but many of them did not come often due to the skyrocketing prices of the drinks. But Daishio knew how to work up his business, so he had enough clients. Most of them were not usual residents of Bunkyo anyway.

Most people went there not to be recognised. They wished for a quiet corner and a drink, which Daishio provided at the price they were willing to pay.

There was also another means for this bar- for Daishio was an informant of sorts. people would exchange information for a place in in tavern, the kind of information that should never be exchanged for a simple drink or a place to rest their legs.

Luckily for Kuroo, there was a lovely piece of blackmail that he had over the owner of the bar. And this provided him with free use of the bar at any time he desired. While it was useful to have, Daishio often needed reminding of the information that the man held over his head, and that usually ended in some form of confrontation.

The two never really got along, but with this information, Daishio decided the ultimate hatred of the bedhead. So when the man walked through his bar’s entrance, there was a hefty sigh that left his lips.

“Well, well, if it isn’t Kuroo Testuro. What sin did I commit today to have you wander into my bar?”

Kuroo let out a hearty chuckle, one that the girl wished she were not so close to when it sounded.

“Now, now, that is not the way to treat your loyal customer.”

“I must have pissed off a deity, just my luck.” The man sighed again, before gesturing over to a table in the corner, “Sit there. I’ll bring you your drinks.”

There were no more words shared between the two men, only an amusing stare off that finished only when Kuroo sat down next to Kai.

The bar was classy, there was no denying that. But that was not to say that it was not anything special. While Kai enjoyed the change of scene, she wondered why they had to venture all the way into another provenance to have a drink.

“Me and Daisnake go all the way back to school- we used to play volleyball against each other.” Kuroo sat back in the plush seat, his arm wounding around the back of the chair to rest around the girl’s shoulder. “I beat him, of course.”

“Didn’t know you were a volleyball player.” Mai picked up one of the napkins off the table, folding it into a square. “Can’t imagine you as the sporty type.”

“You mean to say I don’t look like an athlete? I’ll have you know I went to nationals-“

“But did you win it?”

Kuroo scowled, “You’ve changed in the time I’ve been away. Where is my sweet submissive Kai-chan?”

Kai turned with a disgusted look, “When do you go away for another mission, I’m sick of you already.”

“Cruel,” Kuroo whined, bringing his arm around Kai’s leg to swing them over his own before moving his hand up to her chin. “I’m quite useful to have around, you know. You may not want to wish me gone quite yet.”

Heat raised to the girl’s ears, as she stuttered to find a response. With the closeness of the male after his week of absence, she finally got to see him up close. The nicks at his skin, the shadows from the lack of sleep, the cut to his lip. It was all there, and it was all she could see in that moment. He was right there.

“Don’t harass the girl, Kuroo.” The two snapped their head to see Daishio standing at their table, a whisky in one hand and what the girl assumed to be a martini in the other. She could not recall ordering that…

“Don’t be jealous, Daishio.”

“Of whom?” there was a lot of spite in the man’s voice as he put down the drinks. While he placed the martini down, he went to reach for a new napkin out of his pocket to place under Kuroo’s whisky. Kai could not help but look at the pile of napkins in the holder at the side of the table.

“Thanks for the drinks, snake.” With a smirk, Kuroo gestured for the man to leave, leaving the black-haired man to stalk off in anger, muttering about getting a better blessing at the temple next visit.

“Daishio makes what he wants to make for his customers, something about being able to tell what they want. Utter bullshit, but he always sells the good stuff.” Kuroo took a swig of his drink, picking up the napkin from under it. “But the best thing about this place is the information that comes with each drink.”

With a waft of the napkin, he folded it up to put in his pocket. Leaving the girl itching with curiosity. Her eyes did not leave his hands as he tucked it into the inside pocket of his blazer.

“Handy.” She mused.

“Nothing better.” He placed his hand back on her leg, trapping her in the position they were in earlier, his devilish smirk retuning.

“So, you didn’t bring me here on a date, you came to get information?”

“You sound hurt, I thought you would appreciate the practicality of this.” His smirk widened.

She did not sound hurt, not in the slightest. In fact, knowing that this was a trip of convenience sat much better on the girl’s chest. Kai did not even bother to reply, rather she took a sip of her drink.

The two continued in their silence, with Kuroo drawing shapes onto her knee, while they enjoyed the music playing in the pub. She recognised it, not the name of it, but she recalled hearing it before. The soft piano tones filled her heart with a sense of nostalgia that would only be explained by hearing it before. Even her mind played some of the words.

“What did you get up to in the days I was gone then?” The bedhead asked with an edge of curiosity.

“Mainly slept. I only left the apartment to get some more medicine on the third day.”

“Oh? Thought I told you not to leave.”

“Not the boss of me, Kuroo.”

“Quite right, kitten.” He chuckled, bringing a hand to run through her hair. “I hope you thought of me.”

“In my nightmares, yes.”

“You hurt me.”

“I hurt your ego.”

“My ego is a part of me.”

“A large part.”

“That’s uncalled for.”

The two continued in their back and forth comments, and before they ran out of insults, another drink was brought to their table. The same as before, with another new napkin placed under Kuroo’s drink. This said napkin was folded and placed in his pocket once more.

The girl found herself thinking about the napkin again, wondering what information he was gathering this time. “So, what are the next plans for Nekoma?” she spoke in a hushed tone, despite there being no one to hear them.

“It’s stagnant for a while, just more admin for me. Yaku is bringing in some new members so you will be busy with those if you are up for it.” He sent a reassuring smile her way. “And then we stay constant until the next step.”

“Did Kenma find anything on Shiratorizawa?” Mai took another sip on her drink.

“Nothing substantial.” His eyes wandered behind the girl before snapping back on her own, “But what you found was good. He did manage to trace some of their actions to the black-market. Organ sales and the likes.”

The girl hummed, putting her drink back on the table. Daishio sure made a strong vodka martini.

“What about Karasuno? Or whoever you spoke about before.”

Kuroo’s eyes narrowed, trying to get a look at the girl’s face as she looked down at her knees. “Have I really mentioned them to you before?”

“Not directly, I heard you and Kenma.”

A lie.

Kuroo hummed, his eyebrows raising. “Karasuno are not really an issue right now.”

The girl just nodded; that was not the answer she really wanted. But the hesitancy in Kuroo’s tone was telling enough. He had something against Karasuno, and therefore Daichi. There would be no chance she could get any information from the man about the other.

“What about Fukurodani? The other one you spoke about.” She covered her tracks with this question, pretending that she was simply being curious.

Kuroo’s expression softened, it seemed her plan worked. “They are a funny one. The leader is a mess, another school friend of mine. His name is Bokuto, and I am shocked everyday that he runs a political group.” There was a laugh escaping his mouth, “I don’t suppose he really knows anything about politics anyway. He just follows orders.”

“Politics?”

“Yeah, his father is part of the government or something, so he uses Fukurodani to sway things his way.”

Kai hummed in interest, playing at the hem of her shirt. She could suddenly feel the gaze of some of the other pub goers, some were not nice ones. They were not directed at her, so her heart could rest somewhat, but their intense focus on the man she sat with was by no means settling.

Kuroo seemed utterly unbothered by the attention and rather did not take his focus off the girl in front of him. he knew some of the people looking at him, so-called rivals of his gang that would have recognised his face. While others were women that attended these men, probably questioning who the woman he sat with was.

Daishio’s bar was also a cover for his own prostitution ring. And while this bar was not the frequented one for those kinds of escapades, there was still the customer base. Therefore, it was uncommon for an outsider to be there.

Kai did not like the interest. She cringed under the eyes of others. She found herself shrinking back into her introverted self. Kuroo could see this and continued to send reassurance in the contact to her leg. As much as she wanted to leave, Kuroo knew he just needed one more note.

“What brought up the question bout Karasuno then?” If she were not going to talk, he would make her.

“Huh?” for the first time in about ten minutes, she looked up at the man, allowing him full sight of her wide eyes, framed with the gunshot scar.

“I said, what brought on the curiosity about Karasuno? They are hardly interesting.”

Kai thought about her words for a moment. “As you say, just curiosity. The name seemed to be in a few of my memories. I would assume from missions before, yes?” she knew she was lying to the man but had no intention of battling with him at this point. She wanted to go home.

“Do you remember what I said to you when you went to Nekoma the first time?” His hand found a lock of her hair, holding it between his thumb and forefinger. “I said I don’t like you lying to me.”

The girl swallowed. “Who said I was lying? I was just making conversation.”

“Your body is telling me otherwise.” The smirk was gone, replaced with dimmed eyes and a blatant scowl. “Your shoulders tensed when I mentioned Karasuno.”

His hand freed her hair, travelling to rest on her bottom lip, “you bite your lip before you speak, a clear sign that you're having to come up with a lie.”

The finger left her lip, now tapping on her nose, “you crinkled your nose when you spoke, and your eyes kept looking down. Whereas normally, your expression is clean, and your eyes stay right,” he leant forwards, so their foreheads were nearly touching “on me, princess.”

They fell into a forced silence, with Kai’s brain working on a response to this. But it faltered, the dark glaze over the bedhead’s eyes was enough to freeze her body in place.

Their silence was only broken by a barman bringing over their final drinks, ones that neither of them would drink.

Kuroo picked up the final napkin, before dragging the girl behind him and out of the bar. Leaving the watching eyes of a certain pub owner observing their shadows to the car.

“Poor kid.”

It had been three days since she last left the flat.

This was not a choice of hers, no. It was that once Kuroo had taken her back to the apartment after their ‘celebration’, he declared that he was going to sort something out at the laboratory, and she was to stay put until he returned. With those words, he left.

She wished to be able to challenge him, and just walk out the flat and get back before the man even knew she left. Or wait until he was just hearing back as to see the look on his face. But then, she also feared that face.

She noticed that night in the bar that Kuroo had a very angry expression. Usually, he looked quite mardy with his turned eyebrows and cat-like glare, but she had started to see the beauty in those hazel orbs. Yet, from the expression he showed her that night, she decided she did not like them one bit.

The glare ignited fear in her chest, the kind that made her heart pump and her body prepare to either run or fight.

He had genuinely scared her.

Kuroo had made her feel true fear.

She lay on the sofa in the main room, her feet hanging over one of the armrests while the other held her head. She had laid there for many hours, considering the worth of legging it out of the flat.

There were many pros and cons to doing that.

The first and most prominent ‘pro’ was that she would piss of Kuroo. And at this point, when he had left her on her own without as much of a message or anything, that was all that her body desired to do. The second was that she could get out of that box room. She hated the flat, she hated it more now she was staring at it for hours upon hours in the day, with not a single way to stimulate her mind with the plain walls the plain sofa the plain mugs.

Everything was just so lifeless.

And she needed to get out.

The negatives were obvious, the number one con; the only con; being that she would have to deal with an angry Kuroo if he were to find out. And she did not wish to deal with an angry Kuroo right now. Seeing the annoyance on his face would only belittle her into a child, a spineless being that had no strength to stand up for herself.

And she hated the idea of that, there would be no way her pride could ever deal with that. But she needed to get out of his flat.

It was on day three, and the second day without any sleep, that the girl decided that she was going to leave the room. The patience of waiting for Kuroo to decide to head home was far too thin at this point, and she could not care less about the consequences.

She pulled herself off the sofa with a determined huff and headed off to the bedroom they shared. There was no light in the room, for she had not opened the curtain in the room since the first day of Kuroo’s absence. The view out of the bedroom window was nothing spectacular, she much preferred the colourful array out of the kitchen window. And the rolling hills of-

The rolling hills.

Kai froze in her step, her eyebrows suddenly furrowing in thought. She had not seen the rolling hills in her mind for many days. She had no thoughts of memories in the slightest.

And with these sudden thoughts, her mind wandered to the book on the bookshelf, the book holding the number he had snuck into her pocket.

Maybe, maybe it was time to get some answers. She could not spend her life in someone’s home that she did not trust completely, nor could she stay with someone that terrified her.

The thoughts of Daichi were warm, they were soft. But the memories of him brought such a distaste in her mouth, one that almost brought her to tears- there had to be something more than the flowering memories she recalled.

Her hand went out to grab the book, but she found her finger settling on the spine of the book, hesitating.

Kuroo had done nothing wrong.

Yes, he was grumpy, he was sharp, and occasionally rude. Had he hurt her in any way? No, not at all. whenever she had cried here, he had been the one to comfort her. Whenever she had frowned, he had teased a smile to her lips, with his various methods. He had always been the comfort blanket during these strange times, and there was nothing she should be complaining about.

Kai sighed, bringing her hand away from the book.

She recalled a vision she had on the first night here when she remembered Kuroo- or at least a man that looked like him- holding a gun to her face. What if that was real? Daichi had been real, and there were times before they met that she convinced herself that he was not earl, rather he was made up, something her mind made to comfort herself during the tricky transition.

No, this was not about Daichi or Kuroo, this was about her.

She deserved the right to know about herself, it was not selfish to have these thoughts. What was wrong was to make this about two different people. She should not be bringing them into this.

Kai had tried to talk to Kuroo, and that brought no answers. She wondered about asking Yaku, considering that he preferred her over the bedhead leader, but decided against it in case it got back to him. She could not be dealing with his tantrums over this.

Kuroo was wonderful, there would be no denying that, but he was controlling. He liked the world in his way, and Kai luckily fitted into that at this moment. If she strayed out of his little ideal for her than she may come across trouble.

And she did not want that.

She remained looking at the book, the orange spine standing against the black of the painted wood, beaming at her to grab it and take the number. Her mind willed her body to take it, to take the number and try and use a phone in town to call him. maybe reception would allow her to use the phone? But maybe they would know Kuroo- would the building know that a gang leader lived in their building? Surely they would have to; it posed a public threat did it not? But then they could not know, or else the police would be here, there is no telling what Kuroo had done, but it was telling that the was not exactly playing the legal game of life.

Her body, however, remained rooted. Out of fear, or otherwise, she could not tell. But however much she willed her hand to pick up the book, it would just not pick up the damn book!

Muscles move on commands from the brain. Single never cells in the spinal cord called motor neurons are the connectors of the brain to the muscles. When one of these fires and impulse, this travels along the axon and a chemical is realised at its ending. When the chemical impulse from the motor neuron hits the muscle, it causes the muscle fibres to rachet past each other, overlapping each more, so that the muscle gets shorter. When the impulses from the nerves stop, the muscle fibres slide back into original position.

Each motor neuron connects to just one muscle, the bicep on the front of your upper arm that lift your forearm, or the triceps, the one on the back that extends your forearm. But when a person moved, they do not think ‘I’d like to contract my bicep two inches and extend my triceps two inches’- instead, the command is ‘I’d like to pick up this book’. How does the brain translate form the general idea to lift something up to specific commands to muscles?

It does this in stages- the cerebral cortex commands the neurons to represent coordinated movements- like pick up the book. The cortex then connects to the console in the spinal cord that overlays the motor neurons. This console lays out arm position in space, up-down, left-right. Each designed arm position is then read out as a collection of commands to each motor neuron and muscle.

So, what was stopping her arm from picking up the book?

It was as if her brain would just not listen to her, it would not send the message. It would never send the message.

And with a final push, she gave up. Her body falling back to sit on the bed, head in her hands. She could not do this. She could not do this now.

Kai wanted to be strong, wanted to stand up and say that she was fine with feeling left behind, that she was fine at being able to stand her own path. But she could not do that. Not now. Not ever. Neither Kuroo nor the infamous Daichi could help this because it was her. All her.

She needed air.

With a pained movement, she lifted herself off the bed, grabbing her coat and tearing through the flat until she was at the door.

She had to get out of there.

Her footsteps only got faster as she headed to the lift, pushing the button with urgency- pleading for it to reach the floor faster.

She had to get out of there.

She could not wait, so she ran for the steps, running down them as quickly as she could. Ignoring the glances, she got from other people as she charged past them.

She did not care.

She had to get out of there.

Kai slammed into the door, not allowing it to slow her pace as she ran out of the lobby, out of the door. Out of the apartment. Away.

She air was cool, caressing her face with its soft fingers. It was like the air suddenly became clean, allowing her to take deep breaths as she looked up to the palate of blue above her. Freedom.

Why did she still feel so empty? She was out of that place. She would leave. She could get away.

She had to get further away. She carried on her hurried paces along the pavement. Her head glued to the pavestones in their undulating patterns, willing her feet to move faster. Kai flickered her eyes ahead momentarily, narrowly avoiding bumping into someone glued to their phone. Forcing her head up, she made a conscious effort not to knock into anyone else, allowing her body to weave between the citizens, blend into their walks, unnoticed.

Oh, how she just wanted to get away from people.

The looks she got, the side-eyes from people she did knock shoulders with, they hurt her. Her chest tightened when she saw their gaze meet her own rabbit-in-the-headlights expression. They did not care, they continued to stare even when she had walked on past them, drilling holes into her skin with every step she made.

She wanted this to end. Please make it end.

With each step, the ground became more uneven. The stones started to rubble, leaving her to struggle and trip her way through the street. The more she walked the more she crashed into people, the more apologies spilt out of her lips, and the more she wished she were away from everything, everyone. Alone.

“Mai?”

The ground suddenly stopped moving, stilling to the same undulating stones. The world seemed to stop its spin when she turned her face, looking upon the man who spoke. The man who made the world stop in its movements, made her heart still, made her body stop.

Daichi.

He held a hand out to her wrist, holding it in his hands as he weaved her through the crowds and to a bench. It had a certain warmth to it, a cleanliness to her heart. Despite the throngs of people, Mai felt as though she and Daichi were the only ones in the world. He was the only one on that pavement, there was no need to worry, no need to stress. He was there. Daichi was there.

Worries were forgotten by the time Daichi had led her into a deserted alley off the end of the high-street. Worries all but destroyed by the time he sat her down on a collection of boxes before resting on his knees in front of her. and by the time his eyes reached her own, shining with concern and worry, all concerns had melted always.

She wished to be able to smile at the man, say thank you for the worry that he had for her, wished to tell him that she was fine and there was no reason for this. For at that moment, his hold on her arm acted as a plug for the emotions she had pented up. For now, they were non-existent. She could deal with this. She could do this.

Daichi seemed more weathered than the last time she encountered him. She had paid little attention to his appearance in their meeting, but after seeing more of him in her memories, she found the differences. His hair was a little more unkempt then it was previously, sticking up in all directions as though it had never seen a brush in its life. His eyes seemed to be framed with much more prominent dark shadows, the premonitions of sleepless nights.

It was a different Daichi to the ones in her memories, the Daichi there was much happier, much calmer. Now he just looked tired. The same exhaustion that plagued Kuroo’s expression after a mission or a busy day in the lab. The only difference was the smile. While Kuroo allowed his fatigue to plague his face, Daichi seemed to fight it, seemed to soften it with his smile. It was nice.

“Are you alright?” The man levelled his eyes to her own, resting back on his heels to do so. He kept the concern in his eyes as he continued to wear his smile.

“Yeah.” she breathed, knowing it was a complete lie at one time, but now it was not. she was perfectly alright now. “Sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry, I’m glad I managed to find you there.” He tilted his head, a thoughtful glaze covering his expression, “seem to always find you when you need help.”

“Never thought of myself as the damsel in distress kind of girl, but that’s life. Thanks anyway.” her face fell into a smile, mirroring the clam expression of the man in front of her with practised precision. While she had vowed to gain some form of answer about her condition, now she was in front of one of the men in question, she had no sort of desire to even question him, she simply wanted to sit with him.

The man did not seem to feel the same, as with her blasé like response, his smile finally disappeared. His grip on her arm tightened slightly, not much but it was enough for her own expression to falter, and for her to finally grimace. He seemed to prefer that expression, as he pressed his next question as soon as it changed.

“What happened to you?”

A question that should have had a simple answer, such as ‘I’m not sure’, or ‘who knows’, for that was the truth. She did have no idea what happened, and there so there was to be no other answer. But that answer would never leave her lips. It would mean admitting that there was something that happened to her. That what she had ‘forgotten’ was not as innocent as she had hoped that it was not the simple amnesia that she had managed to convince herself of.

No words managed to leave her lips, they could not, for her throat seemed to close up at the appearance of Daichi’s question. The question made her worry, it made her fear; everything she had fought off before the man’s arrival had crashed into her. It dragged her out like a menacing wave, left her stranded at the sea of her anxieties.

So, tears fell.

Tears streamed out of her eyes as she attempted to choke a response. She wished to tell him how confused she was, how hurt she felt that she could not remember anything, so worried that she was forgetting something so important, such as how she met him, how she met Kuroo, how she came about to be where she was. There was so much she wished to tell him, but the tears were the only words she could speak, and Daichi seemed to realise that.

He pushed himself up onto his toes, still resting on his knees, as he brought his arms around her head, bringing it in to rest on his shoulder. With a soothing voice, he told her to cry, and that was all she did.

It was freeing, being able to cry. She had felt the need to bucket the thought of tears around Kuroo, and although she had let her emotions get the best around him, they never amounted to tears like these. And never had the hold he placed her in seemed to feel so much like… home.

Home?

It was not the feeling of returning to something familiar, like your home after a long time away. Nor was it the relief of feeling something known, such as a comforting smell. But there was a beauty to it, a quell of emotions that left Mai empty as she buried her head further into his shoulder. it was as if she believed she could lean further into the man, who braced his knees with the pressure of the girl’s weight against him.

Maybe it was the feeling of returning home. It was safe, it was warm, it was him. she could be vulnerable here, she knew that. There was no doubt that if she were to fall, Daichi would be there, ready to cushion the drop. She knew that, so she allowed herself to fall.

There were minutes of her crying, before Daichi spoke again. “Why didn’t you call me? Why didn’t you come and find me if you were suffering so much? Why did you leave me?”

It seemed the man was crying also, with the break-in his voice that was a given. But she was not allowed to see this, for the man did not allow her head to move from his shoulder.

When did she leave him?

Why did she leave him?

Why did she not pick up that damned book?

She did not respond; she allowed her cries to be her answer. Their bodies trembled in their cries together. Their arms scrambling to get a hold of each other as their tears fell faster, and their desires to feel that familiarity grew more prominent. They did not wish to let go of each other.

Kai had been pulled off her make-shift chair and onto the ground with Daichi, their legs tangled together as they sobbed. Her hands laced their way into the back of his shirt, grasping at the warmth that spread into her hands as though it was sparse. It was not, for their bodies were so close it burnt.

“I’m sorry.” Her body finally allowed her to speak, and so she repeated the apology into his shoulder as much as she could.

He did not allow her to repeat it much, as he guided her head out of his shoulder, allowing her to see him again. His eyes were puffy and sore, a clear sign of the tears he had struggled through. Mai also wore the same blemishes around her eyes.

“Stop it,” he brought his hands to cup the girls face, resting his thumbs in the corners of her jaw, a small smile gracing his lips as he did, “no more, please.”

Her own hands reached to wipe away the tears that had stained the man's face, desperate for them to disappear and allow the main to have the soft, kind expression she had loved to see earlier. Despite her efforts, the tears had stuck to his cheeks, and her persistence only brought a deeper frown to his face.

“Stop it,” with a much lower tone, he held her wrists and moved her hands away from his face, bringing his own hands into hers. “Mai, I need answers. What happened to you?”

His tone was desperate, pleasing as he held onto her hands. His body leant forward to capture her eyes, leaving her nowhere to hide from that begging look. The guilt she felt over causing that expression was unbearable, causing more tears to fall from her eyes. Oh, how she wished to curl up back into his shoulder, to not talk, to just be there and seeing nothing. Her pains even made her miss the name he called her.

She opened her mouth to say something, but again her brain seemed to stop her from saying anything more than an apology. However much she willed her body to talk, to tell him exactly what she did (not) know. And despite the desperate pleas she made to her body to speak what she wished to; nothing ever came. No words that she really wanted would ever be spoken, for she never would have control over her own words.

Daichi furrowed his eyebrows at the girl’s ranting apology, telling her to stop with a solemn expression. This only turned to concern when she did not stop, and more tears tumbled from her eyes. Her hands lost his, moving to cover her eyes, blocking out that concerned expression. That expression hurt her.

He allowed her to cry, remaining quiet as he racked his brain as to what to do. It was clear something had happened to her, and while he was so desperate to hold her close and never let go, nurse her through everything, he could not. He knew not of what happened, and perhaps coddling her would only make it worse. And then there was the fact that she had been sighted with them. He could not deny that she was with them, whether it was as a captive or if she did so willingly, the risk was there.

She was not the same girl that left him. No, she was the same girl that he found in that cell. The same girl that flinched at the slightest sound. The same girl that did not speak a word to him for months after he found her. the same girl that was scared.

She had to have suffered, suffered as much as he did without her. He had to believe that. He had to.

“Let me get you somewhere warm, okay? You alright to walk? My car isn’t far”

His decision was set, whether he regretted this or not was to be decided later. Suga was not going to be happy with him.

She was to come back with him, so he could help her, so he could make her better. He just wanted to see her happy again. Make her the same as before, as though these months apart never happened.

It was evident that the girl was not up for walking on her own, so Daichi wound his arms around her waist to support her shivering body towards his car. While he said it was not too far, the shuffling footsteps from Kai made it much longer, and he found himself wondering if she would be safe on her own so he could run ahead and get the car to pick her up here. He did not do that, for the shaking of her body scared the idea of leaving her into his mind.

With each step, each painful step, he was left to wonder what she had been through. While she looked healthier than the last time he saw her, there was still a fragility in her expression, and he hated that. He hated that he had let her look so fragile again. And he hated whoever did this to her.  
They eventually reached his car, which had been hidden away in an alley not far from where he had gathered the girl had lived. He carefully put her in the passenger seat, with his coat placed over her still shivering form before he got in the car and set off to Karasuno’s base.

After Suga had spotted her on one of his outings, it became a side- mission of Karasuno to scout out where she was and who she was with. at first, it was assumed that she was captured by Shiratorizawa - or recaptured- but it was discovered by Ennoshita in one of his outings that she was actually with Kuroo Testuro. While it was a little bit of a relief that the girl was not with Shiratorizawa, to hear that she was with Nekoma hurt more.

Daichi had been set on the trail of Nekoma by his captain in the police years ago, and it was the start of a massive undercover mission that took over his life for five years. With his partner, Suga, he was set to start an undercover group of other cops that had not been within the public eye. It was decided that it was best to evolve the group naturally, adopting members from outside of the civil system, starting with the group they labelled the ‘first years’.

The twelve of them made up the group for the years, and they successfully become one of the most successful gangs in the region. But then, that was a scam, for they were not successful in the slightest, they just appeared to be, and had the means to appear to be one of the top groups. This gained them recognition from the likes of Aoba Johsai- who really set Karasuno up for their success, and eventually Shiratorizawa.

It was when they were investigating Shiratorizawa successfully that Daichi found her. She was within one of the deserted ‘medical centres’ that the group ran, guarded by two men that were swiftly taken out by himself. He found her tied within one of the makeshift cells that had been set up to what could only be described as an etarz medical table, two beds side by side with numerous medical instruments laid upon them.

Daichi had little time to search the place, for as soon as his eyes fell on the dishevelled girl, he had ordered Suga to take over command of the mission to allow him to take this girl out of the building. there was the worry in the back of his mind that they may blow up the building when they realised that they had infiltrated the building, and he feared that a girl that had been unwillingly tied up would have been an innocent bystander in all of this. They had retrieved intel that the group were working on something to do with the organ trade, and the intel Daichi had gained had proved that the be positive. He assumed the girl to be someone who was captured for these means, given the situation she was found in.

And that started his story with her. A story he wished never happened at points, for the weakness that the girl exploited in himself was pitiful at most, but he loved her. And he continued to love her even when she disappeared.

His eyes moved transitionally between the road and the girl, who had curled up on the seat next to him, head resting on the window. He was sure to avoid any potholes on the road, worrying that Mai would hurt her head on the window.

She had changed, that much was obvious. There was now a nasty looking scar painting her forehead that he wished he never saw, and he desired to get answers as to how she had gotten such a scar. Then there was the obvious question of what happened for her to go off the grid, despite his intense searching, he could find nothing about her, nothing about her location or wellbeing. With nearly a year without seeing her, he had started to think that she had left the world, or perhaps that she wanted to be away from him.

After seeing her, his opinion changed. He decided that something had forced her to leave and that something had caused her to suffer. And he would help her again. And again. And again. He would, and he would not let her go again.

-

  
She did not recognise the building when Daichi pulled into a parking bay.

Unlike Nekoma’s building, this building attempted to be hidden. The windows were boarded and the walls in disarray. Everything about it screamed that it hid something darker than the green hills surrounding it. But with one simple turn of the head, there was the realisation that nobody would really see this building, for there was not a soul to be seen for miles. The building was surrounded by nature.

The greenery boasted out against the grey building, standing in its vibrant colours, shouting its way into her eyeline. There was no unseeing the view, for it screamed at her, willed her to remember it.

“The rolling hills,” her mumbles were breathless, quiet, but did not go unnoticed by Daichi, who looked over at her with a confused expression as she pressed a hand to the car’s window. “I remember these.”

Daichi could not help but let out a sigh of relief and a smile. A happy smile.

She had stepped out of the car onto her shaky legs with Daichi’s assistance, the warmth of his hands spreading through her own.

“I do remember this view. Difficult to forget. It’s beautiful.” A smile framed her face, one that she had not had for many days. The view did seem to make her chest lighter, a little happier. It had to be the likeness of it to the one in her memories, or maybe it was the company.

Daichi could not hide the happiness on his own face, a smile blessed his face as soon as she expressed she remembered the place. It was a sense of relief that the girl could remember it, it was enough to confirm the fact that she _was Mai._

“Do you want to come inside? Its much warmer.” The brunet wrapped the coat around her shoulders again, with a little concern on his face as he watched the girl’s eyes finally leave the vibrant horizon.

She may have changed a lot, but _heck_ she was still as stunning as the man remembered. He could not stop his hand from brushing the girl’s hair out of her face, fingers hovering over the scar with careful movements.

“What happened here?” His eyes flickered from the scar to her eyes, worrying that if he took his eyes off her own completely she would look away again. His fear was right, for she did lower her face a little, looking down at his feet with a sheepish look.

“I was shot. I don’t remember it.” She spoke the words as though she was saying something simple, as though she was reading a list of vegetables she needed for a meal. It was so much more than that, she _had_ been shot, and she had no idea _who_ shot her and _why._ There was not a need to know when she was standing alone, but as soon as she had Daichi question her, a desire to know why sprouted in her chest.

“You don’t remember?” Daichi brought his hands to rest on her jaw again, bringing her face back to his eye level, “did it happen eight months ago?

Did it happen eight months ago? How long ago was it since she woke up? Eight months seemed about right.

“I could not be certain but seems right.” She kept her eyes on the ground as much as she could, desperate not to see the sympathetic gaze the coffee eyes were giving her, for she knew she would break if she did. For now, she could speak without crying, and that was alight, that was what she needed to do, she was not _that weak._

“Seems right? Mai you can tell me the truth,” he desperately spoke, “you can trust me.”

She knew that, oh she knew that, and it was the truth. It seemed her was not going to believe that, however. But then, who would? Waking up and suddenly finding yourself within a conundrum of a gang, a scramble of memories and a scar on her forehead- it all seemed completely rational.

“It is all I know, Daichi.” Her lips quivered now, feeling his gaze burn holes into her skin. “I can’t remember much.”

There was a pause, one that the girl got the confidence to look over at the male in. His eyebrows furrowed in a solemn expression as he seemed to struggle with framing his next question.

“You remember me?”

She recalled that Kuroo asked her a similar question when she woke up, and she had given him the answer of his name. She had already given this man his name, calling him Daichi. She remembered, of course, that his name was Daichi Sawamura, but something told her that that would not be enough for the man.

He looked as unhappy as she felt, and that hurt her, led her brain to work into overdrive coming up with her answer. Something that would not offend him, something that would not make him sad, something that would get rid of that tear wrenching expression.

“I remember you. It’s confusing, I remember things, but I cannot place them. things don’t make sense even if I want them to. I want to remember everything so damn much, but it always seems like something’s missing.” It seemed that all her planning went to pot, as she found herself fumbling out feelings she had not even comprehended. “I want to remember you, I want to know where I remember you from, and I want to be able to tell you everything. I want it so much, but I can’t. I can’t remember and I’m sorry, I’m so fucking sorry-“

Daichi stopped her lips with his own, lacing his hands around her waist in sheer desperation to bring the girl as close as possible. Her eyes had shut from the impact, and though something willed her to keep them open, they refused.

There was an urgency to his hold, but there was a laxness to it that slowed the rhythm of her heard and executed a sense of ease uncharacteristic for the brown-haired man. He loosened his grip on her waist and guided her hands up to wrap around his neck, allowing his hand to rest on the curve here her shoulder tapered into her bicep, squeezing in tandem with the movements of their mouths. His other hand settled in the rook of her neck, pressing deep not the curve of her neck, desperate to feel her heartbeat because that _meant she was real, standing right there._

And there, in his chest, the sensation from all those months ago reared its almost non-existent head his way as if it were finally making sense.

Which it was not

Because he could never pin the girl down, even if he wanted to.

She was not the same Mai that he loved those eight months ago.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Annnnnd here is Daichi!  
> Hope you all are safe and well!!


	8. Phanton limb: part three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “When dissonance is present, in addition to trying to reduce it, the person will actively avoid situations and information which would likely increase the dissonance.”  
> -Leon Festinger

Daichi had imagined holding the girl in his arms for eight months.

Those months had been painful, for any second of silence- any moment he stood still, there was a lingering wrench in his heart, one that clung to him for the rest of the day. There was nothing he could do to stop those feelings, those desires. No matter what his heart just did not allow him to ever not think of _her._

And so, when his arms were finally back around her, he wished that his heart could feel relief. But the pain only continued. It got worse, as though his heart would split into two with the grip his emotions had on it. It was hardly tolerable, and Daichi had been part of the agency for years now, through the special corps training: through _hell._ Yet, this hurt more, this hurt more than any of his broken bones, any of the punches to his face, the fatigue after running all day. It was unexplainable, it was heart-breaking, and it _hurt._

His hand on her neck pleaded to find a pulse, to allow his brain to tell his heart that she was real, she was there, and he could stop feeling so hurt. And yet however much he pressed into her neck, however much he felt the pulsing beat through her skin, there was no easing up on the pain he felt.

Suga had consoled him, some four months ago, about the possibility of her being dead. It was highly probable and expected. Daichi had always known the risk of his own job, how he lived each day on the fine line of life and death, tempting fate with every mission. But he failed to apply it to the girl, and it took Suga saying those words to him that made him realise how useless he was being. Of course, it was possible that she was dead. She had been saved from a cell within an illegal organ trafficking ring, one that he had been investigating for years, so there was always the risk that she was going to be tracked and recaptured.

So, when Daichi could not find her after that fight with Nekoma and Shiratorizawa, he should have been ready to accept it, but there was not a shred of him that was ready to. Even eight months later in his fast-paced life, there were still restless nights filled with thoughts of her sufferings, and it made him angry. Even holding her now, feeling how thin she was, how much she flinched at the movements of his hands, the scar on her forehead, he was still angry. Daichi knew he should have been happy, relieved, euphoric that she remembered him, that she was there right in front of him, he knew he should be fine with this. But he was not, and he never would be.

Acceptance never came easy to him.

He did not let go of the girl, never brought his hand away from her neck, never stopped searching for that heartbeat. He did not think he could bear to bring his hands away.

“You are here.” His voice was hardly a whisper, hardly audible over their breathing. He repeated those words, louder each time as a smile spread across his face. The longer his eyes locked with hers, the longer he held his hand on her, the longer he spoke those words, the less he hurt. His heart started to beat, finally beat, with the happiness he wore on his face. _She was right there in front of him._

“I’m here.”

And that is when the man broke. He pulled the girl into his chest, burying his head into her hair. Daichi did not hold back the sobs that tore at his chest, pleading to get out. He did not hold back the tears that fell from his eyes. For the first time in months, he felt human, he felt happy, he was sane.

With the commotion of noise happening outside of the building, the inhabitants came running to the door. They scrambled out in their pairs to see what had caused the _horrendous_ sound coming from their captain. And each of them wore the most surprised looks when they saw the silhouette of a woman in the man’s arms.

“He’s lucky I’m a romantic,” Suga sighed, putting his hands on his hips, “I would have killed him for bringing her back here if I wasn’t such a sap.”

This caused a round of sighed from the rest of the boys, and a small cry from the black-haired woman at the side. Each of them relieved to see their captain back with Mai.

“Who is that?” a small orange-haired man asked at his side, looking over at the pair with his curious eyes.

“I forgot you never met her, Shoyo.” Suga allowed a smile to form on his face. “She’s the grace of Karasuno. Our Mai.”

-

It did not take long for Mai to become reacquainted with Karasuno. Unlike Nekoma, there was a strong sense of familiarity for every person that crowded around her when Daichi finally stopped crying and let her go. She recalled each one of their faces distinctly, and upon talking to each of them, there was the formation of memories in her mind. They were all fond memories, each of them causing a pool of happiness in her chest. This was Karasuno.

There was one boy that she did not know, Daichi introduced him as Hinata. Mai had to stop from calling him the sun; he seemed far too small and pure to be part of Daichi posse.

The rest of them, however, was just as she remembered them, and she was glad of that much. It was a comfort as much as anything, an understanding that she was right in her memories, as though Daichi was not proof enough.

He was always there, right by her side as she stepped through the halls of Karasuno. His hand never far from her own, only straying up to hold her shoulders when she needed to turn into a room or stop to hear his reminisces over certain memories. It was comforting, to look up over her shoulder to see him there, a grin painted on his face and blush over his cheeks as he gazed down at her. it made her smile, genuinely smile, which was something she realised she had not experienced these past few months. The ache at her cheeks was a reminder enough of the matter.

They pulled into a room, one which he called his own. She recognised it from one of her memories. The walls were a pale blue, with the bed resting on the far wall, dressed in unmade white bedding. There was a pile of clothes in the corner, and the wardrobe was left open, revealing a less than organised arrangement of clothing. It was clear Daichi was not expecting anyone over.

“Ah, excuse the mess.” He sheepishly placed his hand behind his head, a regretful smile on his face, “It's usually neater than this, but you remember that right?”

And that she did. She recalled the room being much tidier in her memories. The bed was usually made with an arrangement of cushions, and the sides were organised with small trinkets of memorabilia- photos and the likes. Lined up in such a way it looked orderly. Now, however, there was no such organisation, everything looked as though it had been discarded carelessly.

Her hands went to brush over the frame of one of the photographs, feeling the cool wood against her fingertips. The photo within this frame she did not remember ever being taken, but there she was, stood next to Daichi with a beaming smile, her hands around Daichi’s. The smile looked so happy, so bright, almost unrecognisable when she looked at herself in the mirror now. It was as though it was not her in this picture; someone else entirely.

“That was taken last year at Suga’s birthday celebration. He got annoyed as he said you looked better than him on his special day.”

She simply hummed, her eyes remaining on the image in front of her. The girl could not help but feel worlds apart from the smiling portrait in front of her, and that fact was enough to make her sigh.

“Daichi, I do have something to ask you.” She turned to look at the man, who looked down at her with fond eyes, his brows raised in welcoming the question, “why do you call me Mai?”

The man blinked, “because it is your name?” His voice trailed off, a questioning look covered his face spoiling his smile, “Is that a trick question?”

“No,” she looked down at her feet, noting the dirtiness to the toes of the shoes, “I was told my name is Kai.”

“Kai? When I found you, you had a name tag on, it read Mai.”

“Found me?”

“Ah, so you have forgotten?” Daichi’s eyes did not leave her face, looking over the scar on her forehead, “you lost all your memories?”

“I-“ she started, before looking up at the man once more, “I’m confused.”

And that was an understatement. If the girl knew how she felt at this moment, _confused_ would be the least of it. She was lost, feeling as though she was living a life that was not hers. She was not the girl in the picture smiling away, she was not the fighter of Nekoma. She was none of that, but apparently all of it. How could she have been part of Nekoma and Karasuno? How was any of this possible?

Her mind ran with thoughts, memories that seemed to collide together at speed. With each second that she ran through her mind to find something to cling to, something concrete, something she knew to be true. There was nothing, anything she held onto crumbled into nothing, infected by disbelief and insecurity. Everything was real on a superficial level, she could have decided to trust it, follow the memories as though they were all true, all for her. But no matter how much she tried to listen to the memories, there was nothing that joined them together, nothing _fit._

“You said you found me? What does that mean?”

Daichi sighed, gesturing for the girl to take a seat on the bed behind her before taking his place next to her. He decided he could not bear to look at her expression anymore, it hurt too much.

“I was doing a raid on one of Shiratorizawa’s medical centres; one that they do all of the dissecting for organ trading. I found you in one of the cells there. Tied up, broken, bruised, there was little about you that resembled a human at that point.” The man swallowed; his eyes unmoving from the floor in front of him. “I took you out as I feared they were going to blow the place up, destroy the evidence and everything. They didn’t, but yeah.

Then me and Suga took care of you. We wanted to question you, as did my superiors. But you were in no state to even speak. You,” there was a sigh, “You couldn’t even eat, you didn’t talk, there was nothing that you could do by yourself. I couldn’t leave you like that, I had to help. You just looked so, so helpless.

When you got better, you didn’t really give much information, I don't think you were even aware of what they had done to you. Perhaps they didn’t do anything, but the wounds you had showed some sign of suffering. It was as though they had checked you,” he stopped, putting his head in his hands. “You got much better, and I asked you to stay here. I didn’t think you would be up to human life yet. The plan was to get you ready with people around you, and then the agency would set you up with a new identity, and you could start living.

Then I couldn’t let you go. I fell for you.” his head left his hands, turning to look at the girl next to him. he wanted to cry at the similarities he pulled from her now to the girl he found. “I didn’t want you to leave me.”

The girl could not help but tear up at his words. The way he spoke was so heartfelt, so hurt that she could not help but take it to heart. She had caused this man, this wonderful man, to suffer.

“We were great for a year after you recovered, and then I came back from a mission and you were gone.” His eyes left hers again, cementing back to the floor, “there was no sign of you. the system had been hacked, the cameras were off, and you were not here when I got back.”

Yet another sigh left his lips, this one much longer and pained than the last. “I left you sat right there. Kissed your cheek as if nothing was ever going to happen. And it did happen, my nightmare. It happened. I looked all over for you, and nothing. It wasn’t until a few months ago when Suga spotted you that I even believed I would see you again.”

The words hurt them both. It hurt Daichi to admit to the pain he had been through, it hurt the girl that she had caused such paint, but it hurt them both that there would not be any answers to their pains. Neither of them held the key to the answers of their own sufferings.

Perhaps the world decided they were not worthy of having control over their lives, or perhaps it was nothing more than a lack of control internally. The lives they live were beyond that of the dotted line, they had run off the beaten path and across the wastelands. Maybe they were being disciplined for that, suffering at their own incompetence. Or, perchance of any control, it could have been a different matter altogether. Something bigger than the two of them, bigger than two humans could ever be. for what is a human, if not something that was to be a pawn of someone more powerful, omnipotent.

Daichi spoke some more of some memories. There were some that were fonder than others, and some that she recalled with perfect coherence. The more they spoke, the more she believed him. not that she had any reason to distrust him, but she could not help but query everything he said.

“That takes us to the day I saw you in the shop.” Daichi had remained sat in his position, but his hands now rested behind him, propping up his body as he leant back. The girl had turned to sit crossed legged, facing the man in front of her. “I decided to come to see if it was you. Suga had spotted you with Kuroo and so we traced him, leading us to you. I didn’t know what to think when I saw you. It was great to see you well, but,” he put his head back further, “I worried you were _with_ him.”

She nodded slowly, unsure of what to say to that. For she was with Kuroo, she had lived with him since she had woken up. And there was the matter of the memories she clearly experienced with him and Nekoma, but she had brushed this aside to listen to the brunet in front of her with al of her concentration.

“But when I saw how unwell you were, I knew there was something up. I had to stop myself from taking you home there and then. But I was on strict orders, orders to find out what you were doing with Nekoma before I even attempted to rescue you.” His head dropped forward again, “of course I broke that order now, but it was worth it.”

She wished to question him about that. Was she really worth it? She did not remember anything, heck she did not even know her name. she looked nothing like the girl in that picture- _his Mai_. She could never imagine herself smiling like that now, even the smile she had before felt nowhere near as bright as that. But then, she could not bring herself to question it, for if she did- she admitted that she felt this way. And that, that was too painful.

They remained in silence, the girl taking in the words he had spoken to her slowly. It was a lot of information. While she should have been used to that with the constant stream of memories, this felt different. The man sat in front of her, the man looked at her with sympathetic eyes. He was as broken as she felt.

“Can I still call you Mai?”

The question came quietly from Daichi’s lips. The question hit her ears quietly. The question struck her heart loudly.

“Yes.”

-

Daichi continued the tour of the place, passing by doors and referring to the people that reside within them by name, as though she would recall them. she did, of course. The names posed similarity, but there was no face to place them with. Not even with their _re-introduction_ mere hours ago could she recall everyone.

“How you feeling? Want a cup of coffee?” Daichi slowed to a stop by the door to the kitchen, a hopeful look on his face as he watched the girl peek through the door that remained slightly ajar.

She agreed, following him through into the small room, one that once she entered she realised she had seen it within her mind most days. The grey interior remained stagnant against the view from the window, the window that framed the green that filled her mind every day. The rolling hills that seemed to turn right into her heart stood right in front of her. The same hills that pulled her through her struggles last month, the same ones that caused so many sleepless nights- they were right there, right in front of her. She found herself walking to the sink, towards the window, as though it was magnetic.

Daichi watched as the girl wondered to stand in front of the window, her eyes flickering around the view with an odd mix of determination and fear. He stalled in his actions, deciding to watch her as she watched the view. There was a worry, he realised then, a worry that if he did take his eyes off her she would run away, disappear like before. And this time, there would be no one to blame but himself, for he would lose her.

His body moved on its own accord, away from the kettle and the mugs that waited patiently for their next use, and towards Mai. She had remained to look out of the window for a few minutes, her eyes never leaving the glass pane in front of her. it annoyed Daichi, for he wanted to see her eyes, those eyes he had missed for so long. He found his hand reaching out to gently hold her cheek, bringing her face to look at him, capturing her eyes in his own.

“I’ve missed you.”

Daichi gave her no time to give any response, as he brought his other hand around her waist and pulled her into his own body, allowing the distance between their lips to close, silencing her.

Immediately, Mai felt a shock enter her system, one that would only be soothed by Daichi. Her body became aware of everything: the kitchen around them, in its organised chaos, the mugs lined up on the side with each members name written on it, the tiles they stood on, the ceiling above them, the light through the window, all of it. And yet, her world melted away. She was aware then of themselves, and only themselves. Daichi’s lips were still as soft as she remembered, and his tongue was as deadly precise as he ever was. His scent filled her nose. He was there. Mai’s hand wrapped around his biceps for dear life as he entered her mouth, and she felt familiar to putty in his hands.

“I’m home.”

Daichi pulls away, staring at the girl's flustered face in disbelief. The words hit him as though he had walked into a wall, or perhaps walking off a cliff would have better explained the shock that he felt. As much as he had desired to hear her thoughts, wished to hear her happy, he had not expected to hear them now. She was Mai, and so he never wished to expect much from her, it was not fair on her. she needed time and space to process things, and so to hear those words, although nearly a whisper against his lips, could have made him cry.

His hand caresses her face, his thumb pressing lightly over the scarring on her forehead. “I know.”

His lips were back on hers again, savouring the taste as he pulled her in closer. It was as if even the sun through the window wished the couple well, as the sun-blessed their faces as they held each other. A loving motion, one that should never be forgotten.

Forgotten, were the issues of the past, the concerns of her memory, the worries of safety, for at this moment, the only things that mattered were each other. The world becomes nothing but lax to their emotions, and it would have been beautiful if it could have lasted. Perhaps the summer would have been warmer, perhaps the trees would be a little greener, and in turn, the city would be a little quieter a little cleaner. But no good things were ever meant to last, and as the cogs turned to the two’s happiness, there would be one that spun faster for their sadness, a tragedy that would stop the machine they powered.

“Alright you two can stop that now, this is a common space here and the children don’t need to see this.”

A grey-haired man clapped his hands together as he walked over to the kettle, turning it on to heat the water as Daichi chuckled awkwardly. He sighed an apology but did not let go of the girl who looked over at the other male with wide eyes.

“Just save it for another time, boss.” Suga waved his hand in the air, a smile blessing his face as he did so, “also I have orders from Ukai. He wants to see Mai.”

Daichi’s grip on the girl’s waist suddenly became tense, causing her eyes to snap back to the brown ones. They were much harsher than before, strained with anxiety that she could not place. Mai had no recollection of the name Ukai, and so with no face to place with the name she could not help but mirror his concerns.

“What’s happening?” Her voice was as shaky as before, cursed with the worries that she wished did not affect her.

There was a pause, as the two waited for Daichi to form a response, but it seemed the male was too wrapped up in his own concerns to help her soothe hers. Suga eventually sighed, clearly bored of waiting for his elder to speak up. “Ukai is Daichi’s boss, the one that originally gave him the mission to infiltrate the gang systems in Japan.”

She blinked. Daichi watched as her expression fell into confusion, feeling the happiness he had felt moments ago flush out of him in seconds. She did not remember. And he had failed to mention such a name in his story earlier.

“Suga, Mai is suffering from memory loss.” He let his arms leave the girls, turning to face the silver-haired man with a small smile. “She doesn’t remember much.”

Suga lost the smile he wore before, his face now cursed with a concerned expression that could break anyone’s heart. “Oh,” the sound was hardly audible, “I’m sorry.” It was not clear who he was apologising to. Was he apologising to Mai for her suffering, or Daichi for his pains of seeing his loved one like this, and having to live through it?

The room suddenly felt a lot colder, the sun had long left the window, it decides to hide behind the clouds, anticipating the rain that was about to fall. It was made all the colder with the sudden silence. Daichi seemed to tense up more by the second, and Suga was not much different. Mai remained rooted to the spot, her arms surrounding herself as though they could help maintain some warmth.

“When did Ukai call?”

“He didn’t, he’s here.”

“He’s _here?”_

The sudden rise in volume shocked Mai, and her eyes flickered between the two men as if it would bring some answers.

“He arrived just a few minutes after you, Hinata mentioned you and Mai’s arrival and he said he had to meet her. I wasn’t there.”

Daichi gave a curt nod before he paced the room. His eyes refused to leave the floor as his steps quickened. Suga gave a sigh before he pulled forwards three mugs from the sides, turning his back from the pacing male.

Mai felt herself shrink back into herself. She was not used to seeing someone so worried, so riddled with anxiety that was not her. It worried her, to see the man she had projected to be so brave and so bold in that manner. Did she need to be that worried? Who was this _Ukai_ why did Daichi look so worried when Suga looked indifferent? She had half the mind to hound the two men, question them about what was happening, but something stopped her, held her tongue as to lessen Daichi’s worries.

“Did he say when he wanted a meeting?”

“As soon as possible. Meaning, ten minutes ago.”

Daichi swore under his breath, leaning his hands onto the counter in front of him with his head hanging down. Suga continued to fill the mugs with water, remaining silent as well, most likely to avoid being shouted at by Daichi. Mai did not doubt the man’s temper at this point.

There were a few more minutes of Daichi muttering curses, and then he stood up with a determined look at Mai. “What do you actually remember?”

The girl blinked, before opening her mouth to answer, “not much.”

“Vague answers will get you nowhere, sweetie.” Suga walked over to Daichi’s side, wearing his sugar sweet smile as he handed over a steaming mug to the girl. “That is, unless, you want to lose your head.”

She glanced over at Daichi; whose expression did not falter from the established expression he had painted onto his face. “I woke up with very few memories, nothing much to piece together.”

“So, like before then?” Suga mused, “but you remember us?”

Both men raised their eyebrows, Daichi’s in concern and Suga’s in curiosity.

“I don’t remember anything concrete. I’m- I’m just here, and,” her voice started to falter, “I just don’t want to be lost anymore.”

Daichi’s face faltered into sadness at seeing the girl’s turmoil. She stood with quivering lips; her eyes set into the distance past the two men. She was lost, she had suffered, and it showed. Even Suga’s face contorted into sympathy, but he quickly neutralised it.

“I don’t know if Ukai will be a fan of the waterworks, but just make sure to keep quiet about Nekoma. Play it safe, no matter what he asks, maintain that you remember nothing. If he asks anything about them, you heard and saw nothing about them.” Suga sighed, running a hand through his hair, “who knew our biggest trouble this month would not be the first years.”

Daichi did not argue with Suga, instead just pulling a sad smile, his eyes never moving from Mai’s. He had a feeling about what was going to happen, and he was to grin and hold his tongue until they were in the clear. They were about to go headfirst into the lion’s den.

For Daichi, this was scarier than the years in the academy.

Ukai had been his officer in his early years of training, resulting in the engraving of the man’s voice in his head. The screams of orders and the yells of degrading comments were etched into his mind. No matter how fast he ran, no matter how far he jumped, how much weight he carried, it was as though Ukai was about to round the corner with his cries. And so now, standing in front of him, out of uniform, with someone stood next to him that Ukai would clearly see as a breach of the mission was terrifying. Petrifying. Horrifying.

Mai did not seem to reflect the same worries he felt, as she stood with a natural expression. Only her eyes narrowed at the man, while Ukai looked her up and down with the same judging expression Daichi had seen many times a day.

“Well, Daichi, I always thought you weren’t cut out for this, and this proves me right twice over.”

Daichi had to stop himself from sighing, he had expected the cold attitude form Ukai, but upon hearing it he had felt a chill up his spine. He stood tall and spoke his apology.

“Sorry isn’t stopping the fact that you brought someone into the base without consent. This is a fragile mission, one that had had years in the making, and you threaten to ruin that for a girl?” Ukai’s eyes darted over Mai’s form. “She’s pretty but would hardly say she’s worth the trouble. I did teach you about worth didn’t I?”

He spoke as though she was not in the room, and in a way she preferred that. It could mean that nothing was ever going to be asked in her direction, she could allow Daichi to spin it in a way that neither of them got hurt.

Ukai, from Mai’s eyes, was a man who oozed confidence. He wore his smirk as though it was an accessory, and this confidence continued to the way he draped himself over the chair in front of the two of them. One would believe that the fact that he was lower in their eye line to the two of them would have instilled some form of inferiority, but Ukai’s confidence seemed to overcome that.

“Yes sir.” Daichi’s words came out in their practised perfection.

“What did I teach you then? Seems you have been incapable of applying it here.”

“Take what you are worth, and nothing else, Sir.”

“Hm.” Ukai looked amused, “so you do remember. Do you believe you are worth a world of pain then? Because by the looks of it you have little self-worth Daichi.” The man took a drag of his cigarette, “didn’t know you had such issues, you were so confident as a cadet.”

Daichi bit his lip, his eyes darting over to the girl who remained with the same indifferent expression. It seemed she was unbothered by this, and his observation of this fact was true. She was unbothered, for some reason the man’s words did nothing to bruise her.

“Sir.”

“Well,” there was a deep sigh from the older blonde’s lips, “I can stay quiet about his, look past it maybe. But there is the issue of where she came from. A little birdie says you found her near Nekoma?”

“Yes sir.”

“And you thought it fine to bring someone in that has been in association with a man who deals with all forms of drugs and technology in here without so much of a search.”

Daichi froze. In his excitement of seeing the girl again, he had forgotten to even search her. He did not check her phone; he did not check her pockets. While Kuroo was known to remain with the older methods, he was not ill accustomed to trackers.

“No, sir.” He admitted, trying not to show the fear in his face.

“Are you just going to stand there then? Search her.”

Daichi nodded, muttering another ‘sir’ before turning to the girl. He whispered an apology, to which the girl did not respond to, rather she raised her arms to take off her jacket before passing it to him. she painted a small smile on her lips, a smile she hoped to communicate that it was perfectly okay, and Daichi had nothing to be sorry about. But the man did not look up at her face, and oh how she wished he did.

His touch was gentle as he patted down her body, he asked for permission to reach into her pockets, asked her to take off her shoes with politeness. There was something so _Daichi-like_ about that. It suited him. Despite the glares he was getting from his boss, he could not help but want to be polite to the person causing him the pain. The guilt ate at the girl, she knew it was her fault, but she was powerless to the man sat in front of them.

“Clear, sir.” Daichi had placed the shoes next to the girl’s feet before he turned to face the man once more.

“No phone?”

“No phone, sir.”

Ukai hummed, his eyes trailing to the girl once more. “I don’t believe we’ve been introduced, little one.” The blonde stood from his seat and started walking towards Mai, his cigarette still between his lips. “Have to say, Daichi, I did not expect her to be your type. Expected someone with a little less…” he trailed off as his eyes rested on her scar.

None of them spoke. Ukai remained to look up and down the girl judgingly. There was not much of a height difference, about as much as her and Daichi had, but she felt much, much smaller under his gaze. There was something animalistic in the way he looked at the two of them, as though both of them were to be his prey, and he was to pounce at any given moment.

“Daichi, why don’t you give me and the girl some privacy.” Ukai started to walk back to his seat. “I am just dying to get to know your little Mai.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I cannot explain my hatred for this chapter, but I really hope it makes some sense! and I know that Ukai's character is extremely out of canon, but I needed it this way :( And im sorry it's so short :(
> 
> Make sure you all are staying safe, and all kudos and comments are greatly appreciated!!!


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